


High Hopes and Tumbling Down Into You

by lumierehun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-19 00:06:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 46,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16129490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumierehun/pseuds/lumierehun
Summary: Luhan just knew the moment Sehun directed that warm smile towards him - it was a heartbreak waiting to happen.





	1. I.

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic in my series of unreleased fics from the last years or so. I've written and discontinued this for so many times but now I really want to release this so here it is. From a supposedly one shot story to a fic that now has at least more than two chapters. I hope you enjoy it and leave me with feedbacks and opinions here or @lumierehun, it really is appreciated. All the love my selu shippers <3

**I.**

_Luhan used to think that being tied to someone since birth was not really much of a bad fate. On the contrary it was actually sort of nice because at least he had someone he could rely on to do not only dumb things with him but also to be there for him on the loneliest days, right? But what makes it even better in Luhan’s opinion is the fact that person he is tied to is someone like Oh Sehun, Sehun who is always so bright and warm and was already meant to be a constant fixture in Luhan’s life even before they were out of their own mothers’ wombs._

_It was so effortless, the way their lives have intertwined through the years as if some divine being above was pulling the strings of time at all the right instances and this was something Luhan used to believe as well. Given the fact that their parents are the closest of friends and business partners, there was a scarcity to the amount of times that they were not in each other’s presence and soon enough, being together became as easy as breathing for both Luhan and Sehun. They easily fell into the role of being each other’s best friend, glued to the hip from the time they were just a duo of rowdy kids up to the moment that they were entering the weird and confusing stage of adolescence and then adulthood._

_Adulthood, Luhan spitefully wishes that adulthood did not catch up to them too fast. He remembers a time of innocence and naivety that induced pure bliss from years ago and is now too far from his grasp. Adulthood brought too much change in Luhan’s life and at first it was welcomed but when the destruction of his beliefs slowly began, Luhan became uncertain of what he should feel about the years to come as he grew up. It started with little things, with physical changes, the flare of a temper brought by teenage angst and the eagerness to discover what independence and freedom meant._

_Luhan loved the thought of adulthood and its first stages even though it felt like he was grasping onto thin air, he felt like he was discovering more of himself too. However when the onslaught of change became too much of a burden rather than a meaningful experience, Luhan became weary, feeling something weird in his gut and knowing a greater storm was about to wash him ashore._

_And the storm indeed came, on a night that was supposed to be just jovial but ended up like a wreck. It happened before the party for his nineteenth birthday formally ended. Luhan’s parents were saying their message to him before the night ends when they suddenly called Sehun to come up the stage with them just so they could formally announced their engagement. Too weak in the knees and absolutely blindsided and furious, Luhan’s self-control was tethering between a thin line of being kept or let go. He tried to swallow all the vile words in his mouth and Luhan was glad he has enough control that he only lashed out when no one but a few servers, close friends, and his parents were left._

_Being with Sehun was too easy, too natural that Luhan did not think much about both their parents’ incredible amount of luck and how they were conceived just a few days apart from each other. He enjoyed the benefits of spending most of his childhood years and never once questioned what Sehun’s role was in his life other than to become his best friend and perhaps business partner in the future. However, what he thought before was done by some divine being happened to just be an elaborate plan by his and Sehun’s parents. Their fates were not decided by some god but rather by their parents who already promised them to each other before they even existed just because of some stupid benefits their businesses could get out of a fixed marriage._

_Luhan had realized, not a bit of what they are with Sehun as persons mattered because from the beginning a path was already paved for them both whether they liked it or not. So he screamed his lungs out that night and was an absolute mess. Before Sehun, who everyone thought would be pushed away by him, ironically, was able to stop his fits. Luhan remembers falling into a tight embrace even when he shouted profanities at his best friend and soon enough he was reduced into a hiccupping mess and a limp figure. He wanted to curse more, wanted to push Sehun away because he knew with the way the latter handled the situation that he was more knowledgeable of the circumstances they were in than Luhan was. Sehun always knows, he always just knows and Luhan is left in the dark as always. But Luhan was suddenly too tired, his mind firing questions at an unbelievable speed and not allowing him a moment of peace even when he didn’t want to think._

_Freedom and happiness felt like it was slowly slipping out of Luhan’s fingers. He should be happy, he chides himself, how ungrateful of him to feel as if his parents and Sehun warranted his wrath when he should have been over the moon that he was at least getting engaged with someone he’s known his entire life. But that was the point, Luhan grips Sehun’s dress shirt tightly and begins to sob once again, that was absolutely the point. Luhan knows Sehun too well, too much more than he liked sometimes, too aware of everything that makes Sehun, that he knows there are too many variables as well to consider. This marriage is not something they could escape because adulthood had come too fast and was knocking on their door to deliver the responsibilities they were essentially made to shoulder now that the time has come._

_Luhan used to think that being tied to someone since birth was not really much of a bad fate. But standing with Sehun’s arms wrapped tightly around him right now, Luhan begins to believe it is a bad fate after all. It might have been their parents’ elaborate plans that had put them in this position but the gods must have a hand in this as well because their parents’ are not the ones responsible with whatever feelings they have for each other. Luhan would have simply accepted the engagement if there were no important variables coming to play but the reality was that it is a mess and the gods must be punishing Luhan and for what reason, he might never know._

_Luhan knew better than to believe everything was going to be alright and he knows that the next few days will be a terrible shitstorm. Even with Sehun’s comforting hand warm against his back and soothing words whispered to his ears, Luhan was not an idiot to lure himself into the idea of happily ever after. And as Sehun grabbed his face in his hands to tell him that they were going to be fine, Luhan just knew the moment Sehun directed that warm smile towards him - it was a heartbreak waiting to happen_.

 

\--------

   


> _Hold me close and hold me tight_
> 
> _This magic spell you cast_
> 
> _This is La Vie En Rose_

 

Luhan and Sehun’s friendship was relatively, the easy going kind. It might have spurred from knowing each other since they were practically in their own respective mother’s womb but Luhan and Sehun’s relationship was something many people of their age usually envy. Aside from the fact that they were basically known as the rich heirs of two huge conglomerates, both boys were also deemed walking perfections by most of their classmates since they were not only gifted with intelligence but also looks and a surprisingly gentle nature unlike the other entitled kids who were in their class. Although, of course Luhan is prone to being rowdy at times around his closest friends, Sehun is often there to make sure the boy does not make a fool of himself too much.  

 

Another thing noticeable about Luhan and Sehun is perhaps the fact that the two are always able to seamlessly fit into one another’s lives –which again might be contributed to the fact that they were basically tied since birth with their parents being good friends before they were even birthed. Of course it wasn't disregarded that there had always been a lingering possibility that they won’t be able to hit off. Yet when they started being glued to each other by the hip, their parents were possibly the most ecstatic people in the universe and even though both boys had found it weird that their parents’ often insists on them spending time with each other, they learned to shrug it off –genuinely glad that they have each other’s company.

 

“Sehun! Hunnie!” Luhan’s voice rings loudly and clearly through the huge mansion, the sound of his chuckles and rushed footsteps brings Sehun out of focus causing him to accidentally knock off the tower of lego blocks he was building. After a few more seconds, the door to his bedroom slams open and a grinning Luhan comes into view.

 

“I have good news!” Luhan, although looking a bit disheveled from the run, squeals, curly brown locks bouncing on his head as he bounces his little figure on his heels. Behind him an equally disheveled but more exasperated looking male stands with hands planted against his knees as he tries to catch his breath from chasing after Luhan. Sehun chuckles staring  behind Luhan, to give Mr. Jung a gentle smile as if to thank him for still looking after even when all the butlers and maids had given up, too familiar with the other kid’s antics.

 

Sehun jogs lightly to Luhan’s place by the door and punches him softly in the arm, “look you made Mr. Jung tired again. You should really tell me when you’re coming and avoid running so much. He always panics that you might fall from the stairs.”

 

Luhan smiles sheepishly, patting Mr. Jung on his shoulder. “Sorry Mr. Jung, I’ll try walking a little slower next time?” he cutely speaks before adding, “and I’ll inform you too if I’m here by pressing the doorbell!”

 

“That’s okay young master Lu. Just please don’t run too much when you’re going up the stairs.” Mr. Jung says, finally regaining his normal pace of breathing and Luhan nods. He also pouts cutely to the butler as if asking him for forgiveness and the man simply ruffles Luhan’s hair, promising to serve him and Sehun a tray of cookies and juice when he comes back. Once Mr. Jung has left, Luhan’s giddiness earlier seems to return tenfold and he rushes to close the door to Sehun’s room and pull the other boy towards the black couch situated in front of Sehun’s bed.

 

“Woah calm down.” Sehun chides, chuckling when Luhan starts bouncing on the sole of his feet once again. “So what’s the news?”

 

“Well so you know how we ranked as the top two in the whole fifth grade class right?” Luhan begins, grinning effortlessly. “Our parents found out about it already and just earlier my mom and dad told me that we could take a pick for whichever place we’ll be going for our annual winter vacation.”

 

“What? Really?!” Sehun perks up at Luhan’s words as well, a huge smile already forming on his face. “Do we really get to pick this year? I can’t believe this!” Sehun exclaims, eyes already twinkling with as much delight as Luhan’s.

 

“Yes, yes it’s absolutely true! We get to pick this year’s vacation spot! Sooo, where should we go?” Luhan asks staring at Sehun with a knowing look in his eyes. Both boys begin a silent countdown in their heads and before they know it they’re screaming the same place, laughing mirthfully like it’s Christmas and they’re about to receive a truck of gifts.

 

“Japan! We’re going to Japan!” Luhan and Sehun exclaims in glee before they spread themselves on the bed with faraway looks already appearing on their faces. They grin like fools, already imagining all the possible scenarios on what would probably be the best vacation they could have yet the buzz of excitement so tangible on their skin that they all but race and tackle each other when Mr. Jung comes back with their juice and a tray full of cookies.

 

\----------

Before entering junior high, Luhan and Sehun used to imagine and make all sort of things up about how their first year in high school would be. Minseok who is Luhan’s older cousin by at least three years used to tell stories to the two naïve boys about how in junior high everything and anything is possible. The summer before classes in junior high officially started for Luhan and Sehun, Minseok had spent his time planting all sorts of ideas into the boys head and recollecting to both about his many firsts in junior high.

 

First fistfight, first time to cut classes, first time to date, and many more first, Minseok spends more than an hour entertaining the boys with his stories and grins toothily at them, black hair messily falling over his catlike eyes as he urges them to enjoy their junior high days as much as they can. Luhan had grinned at his cousin then, already dreaming of the many possibilities high school has to offer only stopping when he noticed Sehun was a little hesitant. So he pulled the other into a headlock noisily exclaiming “we’ll be in this together!” and Sehun had no choice but to roll his eyes and simply laugh at his best friend’s antics.

 

Fast forward to three years later and both boys are slumped tiredly on one of the desks inside the library in the Oh’s mansion. Papers are scattered around them, a few mathematical equations left unsolved as Luhan groans and slaps Sehun’s long limbs away from his own homework. They stare tiredly at each other for a few seconds wondering where all of Minseok’s words went and how come they were stuck doing tons and tons of academic work when junior high was supposed to be the three best years of their lives. Sehun is almost asleep by the time Luhan finishes the two last equations and thinking back to three years ago, he once again curses Minseok in his head for taking advantage of their naivety and planting all sorts of false hopes in their head, he’ll definitely get him one of these days.

 

Leaning his head against his arms, Luhan snorts when he sees the first signs of Sehun drifting into `dreamland. He pouts, flicking his best friend’s forehead before complaining under his breath since he ended up finishing all their assigned tasks. “This is so unfair, you get much more sleep that’s why you’re starting to grow taller than me,” Luhan murmurs, annoyed before closing his eyes for a well needed rest too. The years after their first school day as freshmen in junior high really did good to both Luhan and Sehun’s physical appearances.

 

Although they were always both considered as cute and good-looking children, growing into adolescence made Sehun and Luhan even more attractive. Luhan with his hair now dyed blonde and straightened highlighting his doe eyes even more and his youthful innocence while Sehun who was growing even more taller than Luhan, had his hair dyed into a light shade of brown complementing his features that had grown a little sharper overtime –it was safe to say, both boys were attracting a growing number of admirers as time went by.

 

Both males end up sleeping a few hours, waking up from their uncomfortable positions due to Luhan’s phone incessantly ringing. Sehun stretches his arm, blindly looking for the other male’s phone to stop the irritating sound of some boyband singing a song about cheese and wolves but he ends up failing due to the grogginess cause by his still sleep-induced state. 

  


Meanwhile, Luhan who also just woke up shrugs Sehun’s body away after the latter decided that he was comfortable enough to be his pillow. He sighs, holding Sehun’s arm tightly to avoid the sleepy boy from acquainting with the floor and then grabs his phone from his jean’s back pocket only to shriek in surprise when he sees at least ten missed calls from his friend, Do Kyungsoo.

 

“Shit!” Luhan exclaims standing up and totally letting go of Sehun’s body therefore causing the boy to finally fall with a loud thud against the wooden floor. “Sehun wake up! We have to go!” Luhan grabs Sehun by his shoulders to fully wake the boy up and when he finally has his best friend’s attention, he grabs his chin and tells him to focus because they were late for today’s literature exam. 

  


At the sound of the word exam, Sehun’s eyes finally open wide and he immediately grabs Luhan’s wrist before the other could even react and in a span of ten minutes, their uniforms barely even tucked into place, both boys are out of the mansion with Sehun’s butler driving them towards school.

 

“Mr. Oh, Mr. Lu, nice of you two to finally join us. Go ahead, take a sit.” The greeting of their literature teacher is clipped and précised, a little bit sarcastic but not venomous enough to mean they're in deep shit. Luhan’s face grows hot due to embarrassment under their teacher’s scrutiny while Sehun tries his best not to shrink under their teacher’s judgmental gaze as well as he strides towards his seat on the opposite side of the classroom, the silence palpable with only the sound of clock ticking as if to remind the boys how they’re almost an hour late.

 

They are issued only an hour of detention once their classes are over that day due to their tardiness and Luhan visibly sinks in his seat in relief because at least, their punishment wouldn’t have to go on for a week. Kyungsoo, who also happens to be his seatmate, chuckles at the obvious relief plastered on Luhan’s face and shakes his head when Sehun who happens to be at the other side of the room sends Luhan a thumbs-up and a relieve grin as well.

 

Aside from them being late for an exam, the rest of the day goes completely uneventful for both Luhan and Sehun as if proving just how routine like their life in junior high has become. None of the things Minseok has told them ever happened to them and all they could remember experiencing was receiving tons and tons of school work, yes there were occasional fistfights and gossips milling around the school but Luhan and Sehun had rarely been a part of those because of their clean and studious image.

 

Although the bunch they go with are consists of a few rowdy boys, they’re a good kind of bunch, one that prefers weekends spent stuffing themselves with food and playing endless amount of videogames something Luhan and Sehun had learned to like overtime. And really, the idea of experiencing all things Minseok said he experienced when he was in junior high might sound tempting but the comforts of a calm routine was something the boys began to prefer as they grew up.

 

“Jongin, I think Sehun and I would have to skip the dance practice later,” Luhan says to the tanned male opposite him as he places his tray on their lunch table before taking the empty seat beside Sehun.

 

Said male quirks his eyebrow, inquiring gaze set on Luhan’s face as he munches lazily on his apple “Why? What’s up with you two? Are you going on a date without me?”

 

“Oh please Jongin stop being ridiculous,” Luhan laughs at the man’s question, “we just have detention because we were late for our literature class this morning.”

 

Jongin frowns, pretending to sympathize with them “Aw, sucks for you two. You should follow the example of the almighty Kim Jongin and learn how to charm your teachers as well.”

 

Sehun who has been busy eating his lunch finally looks up from his food and snorts, “Thanks Jongin but we’re charming enough as it is. Any more charm and we’d probably be called a teacher’s pet like you and Kyungsoo.”

 

“You did not just!” Jongin exclaims petulantly like a child whose candy just got stolen. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo who has been silent throughout the whole exchange, with his wide eyes and glasses barely hanging on top of his nose, glares at Sehun as well before pinching the sides of Jongin whose whines had become too loud for his ears to take in. Sehun laughs triumphantly at the pained groan that escapes Jongin’s lips and Luhan flicks a few pieces of rice towards him muttering how childish the other was.

 

“As if you’re not childish as well,” Sehun berates Luhan, bumping shoulders with him playfully before laughing as Luhan merely rolls his eyes. Soon enough, two loud figures are added at their lunch table, Chanyeol who is the boisterous and hyper captain of their school’s basketball team and Jongdae who happens to be Kyungsoo’s neighbor and constant source of torment. In a span of a few seconds their lunch table becomes livelier and louder than before, and as Luhan watches them all get together, he realizes he doesn’t mind that junior high didn’t go the way he thought it would at all.

 

\----------

   


> _When you kiss me heaven sighs_
> 
> _And though I close my eyes_
> 
> _I see La Vie En Rose_
> 
>  

It takes a few more months for Sehun, Luhan, and their other friends to graduate and move on to senior high where things finally begin to change and get a little trickier. Their first year in senior high is when Luhan and Sehun both gets a taste of their first alcoholic drink during a party held by Baekhyun, one of the new additions in their group of friends. After a glass or two, it turns out that Sehun is the weaker drinker between both boys and Luhan had to drag him back home to the apartment they were required to live in by their parents as to expose them to the hardships of being independent. Once he had placed Sehun in his room, Luhan walked towards his own room and plops to his bed tiredly already missing the comforts of a home with servants that are always there on his every beck and call.

 

The event repeats itsel a few more times with Sehun always insisting that he’ll finally be able to hold his alcohol well but obviously failinh. Until Luhan finally decided he’s had enough of it so he bans Sehun from touching any alcoholic drink when they go out with their friends. 

  


And even with the alcohol gone and although academic work had been doubled from when they were in junior high because of all these universities they need to apply to and pass with flying colors, Luhan and Sehun are still obviously enjoying senior high more especially with all the new privileges they are able to have since they no longer live with their parents. They begin exploring things separately and with their other friends. They go on road trips and party but nothing too rebellious to avoid gaining suspicions from their parents.

 

Luhan and Sehun remain on top of their class despite their other extra-curricular activities and added to that majority of the student body are admirers of them and their group of friends which is why it wasn’t that difficult for them to find opportunities to flirt and occasionally have flings. It does not take long for some of them to officially date however and settle into a committed relationship, with Chanyeol and Baekhyun being the first to come out with their relationship a few weeks before they officially entered their second year as senior high students, followed by Kyungsoo and Jongin who have long been dancing around each other’s feelings. Luhan finds himself elated that most of his closest friends are finally falling in love, and he only grows positively more envious when Sehun begins showing the same signs of being cupid’s victim.

 

“Oh Sehun,” Luhan says suspiciously one night as he carefully opens the lid of the newly cooked kimchi stew he made, “are you hiding anything from me?”

 

Sehun stares at Luhan oddly from his position at the counter where he was grabbing two bowls of rice for the both of them and shakes his head with an uncertain expression, nothing coming out from his lips. He walks towards Luhan who is already seated at their dining table and takes the place opposite him before smelling their dinner for the night, “This smells absolutely fantastic.” Sehun comments, silver locks falling messily against his forehead as he smiles at Luhan.

 

“Don’t change the topic,” Luhan tries to glare at Sehun’s direction even though he probably should be the one more intimidated now that Sehun has become broader and taller than him. He unfocusedly stirs the soup and ladles some of it into the small empty bowl near him before looking at his best friend again, “some birdies told me you were seen waiting outside one of the lower years’ room once again so spill.”

 

An immediate flush settles into Sehun’s skin and he almost chokes from the soup he was sipping, “that’s nonsense.” He denies, “What would I even be doing there?”

 

Luhan gives a sly smirk, “Waiting perhaps for a certain bae as in Bae Joohyun?”

 

“Was that a pun Luhan? Because that was one awful pun.”

 

“Uh uh changing topics doesn’t work on me Oh Sehun.”

 

“Ugh,” Sehun groans, his head falling against the table dejectedly, and murmurs “Okay fine you got me.”

 

“Aha so you are dating her!”

 

“Not yet!” Sehun denies, a blush immediately settling against his porcelain skin, “I’m still sort of courting her.”

 

“But still,” Luhan insists with a whine bubbling from his throat, “At the end you’re still going to date her. You’re no fair. I can’t believe you get to date someone before I do!”

 

Sehun finally laughs at that, looking at Luhan once again as he rakes his fingers through his hair. “Well aren’t you going to court that Jiwoon guy you’ve been swooning over since the start of the school year?”

 

“Oh Sehun!” Luhan exclaims embarrassed and the tips of his ear flaming with an obvious shade of red.

 

“Why what’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” Sehun teases, taking a bite from his plate and enjoying the scene of Luhan becoming an incoherent mess.

 

Luhan huffs before pushing a spoonful of rice and kimchi in his mouth to avoid answering Sehun’s question. However Sehun waits patiently as the other male chews his food and probes him for an answer once again once he’s finished. “So why aren’t you dating him? He looks like he’s been sending you subtle signals as well.”

 

“He has a girlfriend!” Luhan whines finally answering Sehun’s question. “I saw them eating together at a café near our school a few weeks ago and they were so sweet.” Luhan finishes, pouting dejectedly. “I have no chance with him.”

 

Sehun frowns, “Maybe she’s just a close friend.” He tries to comfort Luhan, “Maybe you still have a chance. Nothing is impossible in this world you know.”

 

“I doubt that they’re just friends,” Luhan is still pouting when he shoves another spoonful of rice into his mouth which Sehun follows. They eat silently for a few seconds before Sehun gives Luhan a comforting and knowing smile.

 

“Don’t worry I’ll find a way to know if Jiwoon has a girlfriend okay? And then you could probably make your move after that.” Sehun says to Luhan whose doe eyes grow wide in alarm at his best friend’s words. It doesn’t take a few more seconds for Sehun to assure Luhan however that his secret will not be jeopardized by Sehun’s plans and so with a shaky nod of his head, Luhan agrees to whatever Sehun was planning.

 

And it was safe to say, a few weeks later, Sehun was dating Joohyun, and Luhan had Jiwoon.

 

\-----------

 

“Oh, it’s okay, it’s okay don’t worry.” Luhan shakes his head although the person at the other side of the line obviously cannot see. There are lines marring the space above his eyebrows as he frowns and nibbles his lips anxiously, rejection is always a hard pill to swallow. “Okay see you tomorrow then. Love you.” Luhan says and there is a soft I love you that comes from the other side before the phone call finally ends. 

  


Luhan sighs, slumping tiredly against his desk and trying to just put his attention instead on the reflection paper which he has completed two days even before its deadline because they were supposed to go out on a date with Jiwoon that night. However the other male seems to have been buried under piles of plates and sketches once again therefore they were not able to continue on their planned date.

 

They are both already in college, having graduated from senior high just a few months ago, and already a year into their relationship. 

  


Luhan is taking a course under corporate management just as his parents expected him to and so far he has been enjoying it as much as he can since he was practically groomed to take over their company sooner or later. Meanwhile, his boyfriend Jiwoon, decided to take a course in architecture and although they study in the same university their buildings are on the opposite ends of the area. They used to see and meet each other frequently and Luhan could very well say that he was still absolutely smitten with Jiwoon however with the decreasing number of times they’re seeing each other nowadays, Luhan wonders if Jiwoon still feels the same.

 

The sound of the door opening and laughter pouring from the leaving room pulls Luhan out of his dazed state before he notices the familiar sound of Sehun’s voice mixed together with Joohyun’s chuckles. He groans, those two lovebirds would surely be obnoxiously sweet once again and Luhan thinks he can’t handle that kind of scene right now. So he stands up from his position and walks towards his bed to grab his wallet and hoodie before trying to silently escape the couple who were busy talking in their apartment’s kitchen.

 

“Lu, where are you going?” Sehun calls out as he catches his best friend trying to stealthily escape the confines of their apartment.

 

“Out.” Luhan simply says, trying to ignore the questioning gaze Sehun sents him.

 

“Joohyun is cooking seafood pasta, don’t you want to stay for a little while and taste it?”

 

Luhan forces a smile on his face and shakes his head, “Just leave some for me so I can taste it when I come back. I’ll just be out for awhile.” Luhan states and he doesn’t wait for Sehun’s response as he finally walks towards their apartment’s door and leaves. He decides to walk for a few minutes unsure of his destination before his feet takes him to the coffee shop in their neighborhood which he frequents every morning and is coincidentally owned by his cousin, Minseok. With not much people inside since the shop was two hours near their closing time, the sound of the bells chiming was loud and clear as Luhan entered the place and was assaulted by the calming scent of coffee.

 

Immediately, Luhan’s eyes zoom on Minseok who is instructing one of his staffs to clean the newly vacated tables and after a few minutes when Minseok finally realizes he is there, the older male beckons him to come closer and greets him with a smile. 

  


Luhan genuinely smiles as well as he greets his cousin, never failing to feel the sincerity and comforting warmth brought by Minseok’s hand against his back, like an older brother to a lost child. Once they’ve finish catching up with each other a bit, Luhan is ushered by Minseok to an empty table where he waits for both his order and his cousin so they could have a more comfortable conversation. He looks around the place, eyes scanning the cozy and home-like decors before the sound of the bells chiming from the glass doors grabs his attention.

 

A smile immediately forms on Luhan’s face as a familiar figure enters the coffee shop. He stares at the person entering the place and just as he was about to stand up, the light in his eyes fade when he notices another person holding onto the hands of the latter. Luhan is immediately rooted to his place, feet refusing to take a single step as he takes in the scenario in front of him. He looks for a loophole, tells himself maybe he’s just imagining things, but the longer he looks at the moving image of the two people who are only a few feet away from him the urge to vomit grows stronger. It takes a lot of effort and his knees are shaking by the time he reaches the counter where his boyfriend, who is supposed to be busy with his homework, and Jia, who he occasionally saw because she is in his boyfriend’s circle of friends, were flirting and being sickly sweet with each other.

 

Luhan remains unnoticed for a few more seconds but when he clears his throat loudly, Jiwoon immediately looks at his direction which is beside them and obviously turns red in shame. “Hey you,” Luhan starts steadily, trying his best not to let his voice shake as he stares at Jiwoon with a smile, “how’s your plates and sketches turning out? Bet it wasn’t too hard finishing it considering you’re here right now.”

 

“Han,” there’s a pleading tone in Jiwoon’s voice as if he’s asking him through his gaze not to create a scene in the café and obviously confirming the suspicions Luhan had.

 

“Don’t Han me.” Luhan snaps, and there is resolute anger in his voice. Meanwhile, Minseok who has already come out from the kitchen just looks at them, remaining on his spot and trying to figure out the situation. “Answer me. Are you two out on a date?”

 

“Yes we are.” Jia answers beside Jiwoon while tightening her grip on his hand making Luhan’s anger increase by tenfold at the girl’s shameless intrusion before he turns towards her to speak.

 

“Don’t butt in into this conversation. I don’t want to hear answers from you. You are irrelevant in this relationship between me and Jiwon and the only answer I need right now is an answer that should come from him.” Luhan says in one go barely able to mask the ugly shadows of anger beginning to reflect in his face. 

  


He looks at Jiwoon who has remained quiet throughout their exchange with Jia and he prods the other male’s chest, seeking for answers in his eyes. “What is this? Are you really dating her?” Luhan’s shaky voice is the calm before the storm and yet he is not able to stop the bits of hope that filter through his heart upon seeing Jiwoon slowly let go of Jia’s hand.

 

Slowly, his boyfriend looks at him in the eye and holds Luhan’s cold hands that are shaking from different unknown emotions. Jiwoon carefully tucks away the strands of hair that had fallen over Luhan’s eyes and had separated from his apple bun before gazing at the latter’s face cautiously as if he’s starting to build walls and draw lines to separate them. 

  


“I’m sorry you had to find it out like this,” His voice isn’t even shaking as if he’s thought over his words a long time ago and was just waiting for a chance to say it, “but Luhan I’m no longer in love with you.” The punch line is delivered with no hesitance and absolutely straight to the point that Luhan feels like his pushed back into a time loop with the same heartbreaking words echoing infinitely.

 

His body reacts before his mind does and Luhan wretches his hand out of Jiwoon’s hold just to land a well-deserved slap on the man’s face. Even Jia who was quietly waiting for a fight to brew gives Luhan a scared glance after landing a slap on his boyfriend, well now ex-boyfriend’s face. “I can’t fucking believe you. You…this, this is so unfair.” Luhan staggers before he turns his back from Jiwoon and runs out of the café. 

  


Minseok worriedly glances at his cousin’s retreating figure before turning towards Jia and Jiwoon to give them a glare that could send them both to hell. He refuses to serve them and immediately tells them to go out of his establishment, before he worriedly grabs his phone from his pocket to leave Sehun’s phone a message and a missed call to tell him to look after Luhan.

 

The way back to their apartment complex feels even longer now and Luhan does another change of course when he stops by a convenience store to buy at least five bottles of soju. He grimly walks towards their place and by the time he arrives at the lobby of their apartment, Sehun is already there talking animatedly with the security guard and laughing occasionally. He tries to stealthily passed by them like what he attempted when he left their apartment earlier but alas Sehun sees his hooded figure and leaves the security guard with a sound goodbye before running towards him.

 

“Are you okay?” Is the first thing Sehun asks upon seeing the bottles of alcoholic drink in Luhan’s grasp paired with the tired look of his eyes. Minseok must have said something, Luhan thinks before he silently shakes his head at Sehun, promptly leaving the man worrying over him. They both ride the elevator in silence and Luhan still remains lost in his own world. Although Sehun tries to engage him in a few actual conversations here and there, Luhan simply grunts or nod making the former even more concerned about him.

 

Luhan still hasn’t spoken and Sehun is starting to become restless when they arrive at their shared apartment. He observes Luhan who unceremoniously tugs off his hoodie and sits on the couch without sparing Sehun a single glance before opening a bottle of soju and chugging it down in one go. Sehun grows alarmed at his best friend’s actions and immediately occupies the space beside him, he grabs Luhan’s wrist gently, gauging the male’s reaction as he speaks, “Tell me what happened.”

 

“Nothing happened.” Luhan’s response is clipped and précised as he pulls his wrist away from Sehun’s grip and opens up another bottle of soju, drinking it continuously.

 

Sehun frowns, “it sure looks like it’s not nothing to me.”

 

“Well you’re probably just imagining things.”

 

“No Luhan we need to talk. I want you to tell me what happened.”

 

“There’s nothing to talk about, okay?!” A sudden outburst comes from Luhan and Sehun visibly stills in his place. He stares at the smaller male whose face is gradually gaining an angry flush and Sehun tries to reach out to grab Luhan’s shoulder, to send comfort, but his hand merely gets slapped away in return. “There’s nothing Sehun, nothing to say.”

 

“Luhan I-” Sehun begins, trying to calm down his best friend yet Luhan’s hollow laughter cuts him off.

 

“Don’t me that look. Don’t give me that fucking look Oh Sehun!” Luhan’s anger is now absolutely visible with his face turning a dark shade of red and his hair falling messily against his face. “Don’t stare as if you pity me! Minseok told you didn’t he?! That hyung never knows how to keep his mouth shut.”

 

“I don’t pity you Luhan. I’m here to be your best friend.” Sehun moves closer to Luhan, trying to hold his hand this time to calm him.

 

Luhan scoffs, “Stop patronizing me as well. I’m not a kid Sehun. Just please don’t look at me like that, not you too.” He ends up silently saying and Sehun begins to finally notice the crack in his voice. As if there’s an invisible weight place on him, Luhan’s shoulders slumps and Sehun takes it as a cue to finally embraced the former. Luhan is chuckling humorlessly against the slope of Sehun’s shoulder while the latter rubs his back slowly, huge and warm hand delicate against the tense knots in his body. It doesn’t take long before Luhan starts trembling in Sehun’s embrace, tears falling bit by bit as realization dawns on him and he feels a part of his heart shatter.

 

“Where did I go wrong?” Luhan helplessly murmurs, tiny sobs escaping his trembling lips. Sehun grimaces, his own fury igniting upon seeing the sight of his best friend so broken in his embrace. He pulls Luhan closer attempting to convey to the other that it will be alright, that he will always be there for him as the latter continues to cry, sobs and whimpers echoing against the four walls of the otherwise silent room. It takes hours of comforting and coaxing for Luhan to finally tell Sehun what happened and when he finishes, the sun is beginning to peek out of the skies leaving both of them tired and drained.

 

With no other words said Sehun pulls him into his room, not allowing Luhan to sleep by himself. The taller male tucks Luhan in beside him, his long arms draping against the other’s sturdy waist like the times when they were little and more naïve. 

  


As if on instinct, Luhan curls into Sehun’s warmth immediately and finds comfort from his best friend’s minty but musky scent while the latter rubs circles into his back. There are still the remnants of dried tears in his eyes but Luhan pays no mind to it as the pain clawing in his heart slowly becomes a thud in the distance while sleep overtakes his senses. Sehun follows shortly, eyes shutting due to fatigue and just like that both boys greet the new day in deep slumber.

 

_________

 

The weeks that follow after Jiwoon and Luhan’s breakup is a roller coaster ride for everyone involve. Two days after Luhan came home and sobbed his heart out to Sehun, his best friend decided to take revenge for him and pay some guys to beat up Jiwoon which Luhan did not obviously appreciate. 

  


Although he understands that Sehun was merely looking out for him, allowing him to use violence as a response to someone who broke Luhan’s heart is just not right. Luhan ends up visiting Jiwoon in the hospital and comes out of his ex-boyfriend’s room even more shattered than before since the latter had simply looked at him in fear before finally formalizing their break-up.

 

Luhan remembers having a huge argument with Sehun on the same night with the latter ending up with a bruise on his face after Luhan had punched him in anger. Sehun simply walked out from the argument as a response and it took a few days for them to patch things up. 

  


From then on, Luhan began to work on himself and the process of forgetting a certain Jiwoon. He started by deleting his ex’s number and then putting inside a box the things that would remind Luhan of him. His group of friends also served as a great distraction since they often made sure that Luhan is never alone most of the days. They pull him out of his apartment and encourage him to experience all sort of things. In addition to that, his parents who are always in contact with him began visiting him more so they become sort of a distraction too.

 

Meanwhile, Sehun who has been the most worried out of all the people around him proves himself to be a very dependable best friend after all. When he’s not out dating with Soojung or doing school work, he makes sure to take Luhan to new restaurants, cafes, and places he has discovered. He also checks on Luhan any time possible and the latter cannot help but feel overwhelmed at times from the amount of attention and care Sehun is showering him with. Slowly, carefully, Luhan learns to piece back the broken pieces of not only his heart but his self. Weeks fade into months and before Luhan could even realize, he starts to forget the pain and learns to fall in love again.

_______

 

“Are you done flirting with the delivery boy?” Sehun teases as Luhan enters the living room, two bags of Chinese take-out in his hands. The smaller of the two males sticks his tongue out sourly in response but Sehun merely laughs, eyes turning into slits of crescent moon as he goes back to messaging Soojung on his phone while waiting for Luhan to set the movie they will be watching that night. Ever since Luhan’s break-up, Sehun insisted on beginning a new bonding time for them which quickly ended up as weekend movie nights. If they’re lucky and not so busy with university related things, they get to spend their Saturday evenings relaxing on the couch with a good film and even when they’re too unfortunate to be drowning in school works, they still find time in the wee hours of Sunday nights to enjoy a film or two.

 

And although he does not admit it, Luhan, in the long run, had actually come to enjoy their movie nights which are slowly becoming a tradition. Even when they’ve done it a few times when they were kids, Luhan thinks doing things together after trying times had made some memories more sentimental to him than others. He chuckles, noticing Sehun lost in obviously another endearing conversation with his girlfriend, before finishing his duty with fixing the film they’ll be watching that evening.

 

Excitedly, Luhan slumps on the space beside Sehun, tying his hair into a man bun since it has now grown a little past his shoulders, and opens his Chinese take-out consist of a few pieces of mandu and spring rolls. “You should eat yours before it gets cold.” He tells Sehun offhandedly before squealing in delight when the movie starts to play. Sehun shifts beside him to place his phone on the table before the taller male groans and Luhan laughs even more.

 

“You can’t be fucking serious,” Sehun grumpily grabs his own order and immediately stuffs his mouth with some dumplings before turning to Luhan with an accusing stare, “Wait this is the reason why you insisted on having Chinese take-out tonight, isn’t it? Because we’re watching the oh so amazing Mulan for the damn nth time.” Sehun deadpans which ends up with Luhan elbowing him in the ribs.

 

“Just shut up and enjoy the film!”

 

“But-”

 

“It’s my turn to choose the movie.” Luhan cuts Sehun off with a judging stare and the latter obviously withers in his space.

 

“You choose this like 4/5 times though.”

 

“Yep,” Luhan smiles threateningly, “Got any problem with that?”

 

“Nothing,” Sehun murmurs in defeat, rolling his eyes at Luhan before completely focusing on his food. Luhan responds by chuckling, his shoulders bumping against Sehun’s sturdy ones. “Oh you big baby, alright you get the pick the movie after this.”

 

Sehun perks up like a kid, “Really?”

 

Luhan snorts in return before smiling softly, “Yeah really.”

 

Oh the little things he does to give back to Sehun.

 

\--------------

   


> _When you press me to your heart_
> 
> _I’m in a world apart_
> 
> _A world where roses bloom_

“Stop inserting yourself in here,” Baekhyun complains as he tries to push an overly active Chanyeol from taking up all the space in their minivan. “You’re so huge, I told you to stop moving!”

 

Beside them, Luhan pulls down his headphone trying to drown out Baekhyun’s voice while at the same time looking scandalized at the words spewing out of his friend’s mouth. Meanwhile Jongdae and Jongin are cackling at the back like the fools they are, pointing out the unintentional innuendos behind Baekhyun’s words as Chanyeol finally joins on their laughter. When Kyungsoo enters the van, the three males are immediately silenced by his glare and this time its Sehun’s laughter that rings out through the van as he takes the driver’s seat.

 

“You guys all ready?” Joohyun asks as she occupies the passenger seat, smiling brightly as she turns towards the other guys. “The resort is about two hours away so all of you can nap a little on our way there.”

 

“You’re the best Joohyun.” Luhan smiles thankfully, “Planning all of this so we can escape some of the stress from university. If Sehun wasn’t your boyfriend I would have dated you a long time ago.” He teases, glancing at Sehun through the rearview mirror who instantly pouts at his words.

 

Joohyun grins at Luhan’s words, placing her fingers under her chin as if in thought, “Now that you said that,” she drones, just long enough to make the others anticipate her words, “Maybe I could break up with Sehun to be with you. You seem to be a better boyfriend than him oppa.”

 

“Is this betrayal that I smell?” Baekhyun jokes adding fuel to the fire just as Chanyeol wolf whistles.

 

“Why are you all ganging up on me?” Sehun frowns, pushing the van’s gear so he can move the vehicle out of their drive way. “Joohyun you can’t leave me for Luhan he’s no better than me.”

 

“Sehun’s definitely lying.” Kyungsoo comments from the back making everyone else in the van guffaw even more. Sehun’s frown goes deeper causing Joohyun to chuckle beside him as she clasps their hands together on the vehicle’s gear. She leans a bit towards him, pinching his cheek with her other hand and smiling.

  


“Oh, you big baby. The probability of you leaving me for Luhan is even bigger than me and oppa and ending up together.  So stop whining okay? I would only ever have my eyes for you.”

 

“Aw,” Jongdae coos from the back, “isn’t that so sweet?”

 

“Oh it’s sweet alright,” Luhan chuckles, “Except for the fact where she talks about me and Sehun ending up together. Never gonna happen, totally never.” He makes a disgusted face just to further express the absurdity of the idea. “Besides I might swing the other way but I’ve known Sehun since he was wearing his diapers so nope thank you, he’s all yours Joohyun.”

 

Sehun rolls his eyes, a slight smile finally slipping on his face, “Agree totally never going to happen and the only one I’m ever ending up with here is this beautiful lady sitting right beside me.”

 

And collective groans echo in the van at Sehun’s totally whipped expression.

 

________

 

Their weekend get-away turns out to be more fun and relaxing with a beach house and resort all to themselves. Half of their group gets wasted on their first night at the beach as they sit around a campfire playing games and sharing stories. When the sun rises the next day, Jongdae and Chanyeol are the two people who nurses the worst hangover and Kyungsoo simply smirks at them when he serves a hangover soup for them to feast on together with Baekhyun, Jongin, and Sehun.

 

When afternoon comes, they spend their time making a mess in the kitchen baking different goodies from the baking stuff Joohyun brought with her. They throw around flour and other ingredients at each other with Jongin being the one to start the messy game. He laughs loudly after spreading flour all over Luhan’s face which the latter soon retaliates to by caking Jongin’s hair with whip cream which makes the male scream because his hair is practically his prized possession. In a few minutes it escalates into an all out war between them all when Jongin misses and hits Sehun with the flour instead.

 

Unmanly shrieks mixed with Joohyun’s high pitched screaming echoes in the kitchen as they throw ingredients at each other. Laughter and happiness reverberate throughout the area the group is in and it is safe to say that at the end of the food fight they all slave over the rest of the afternoon cleaning the kitchen.

 

“So, how’s it going here? Are you enjoying the view oppa?” Joohyun asks as she occupies the empty space beside Luhan who is munching happily on his chicken at the front porch of the beach house.

 

Luhan turns to her, eyes crinkling in mirth as he nods gently. “It’s beautiful in here Joohyun, thank you for bringing us.” He says when he’s done chewing his food and Joohyun smiles at him, flattered at his response. They sit in silence for the next few minutes watching contentedly as the waves meet the edges of the shore. The night is young and the breeze from the sea makes it a tad bit colder than usual so Luhan offers his sweater to Joohyun who smiles at him appreciatively.

 

“You’re about to be legal soon,” Luhan starts, turning to Joohyun with a curious gaze, “don’t you have any plans of moving in with Sehun?”

 

At Luhan’s words a beautiful shade of pink spreads against the cheeks of Joohyun, her eyes flutter shyly and she chuckles, “Well I’ve thought a lot, about moving in with him you know. And to be honest I really am ready, I’m only waiting for him to ask.”

 

“Then you probably won’t have to wait too long,” Luhan assures her with a mysterious smile just as Sehun arrives and eyes them fondly.

 

“Hot chocolate delivery for Ms. Bae and Mr. Lu from the ever dedicated Oh Sehun.” He says and hands both Joohyun and Luhan their respective mugs. He plops down beside Joohyun, hand immediately wrapping around her waist as he stares curiously at her and Luhan. “So were you two backstabbing me?” He prods, earning an immediate snort from Luhan and a laugh from his own girlfriend.

 

“You can dream on Oh Sehun, not everything is about you.” Luhan says before sending Joohyun a mischievous look that makes her laugh even more. The tips of her ears are red from remembering their earlier conversation but she simply masks her shyness with a smile, secretly clinging onto the words Luhan said earlier.

 

Sehun merely shakes his head at their antics before leaning on his girlfriend’s shoulder, “I really think you and Luhan are the real best friends not me and him.” He whines playfully and Joohyun simply cards her fingers through his hair as a response.

 

They stay comfortably like that lost deeply within each other while Luhan remains at the side. He slips a look at them, smiling genuinely at the beautiful picture the couple makes and unconsciously crushing the millisecond of unease that he feels in his chest.

 

\--------------

The beginning of March is hectic for everyone in the university. Luhan, with every other student, is more or less only still functioning because of the wonders of caffeine in their system as they try to juggle reviewing and making reports and papers all at the same time. 

  


As a proof of their loaded schedule, Sehun who is in the same college as Luhan is yet to be seen by the latter aside from the few times they bump into each other in their shared apartment when Sehun comes for a change of clothes. He must be staying in Joohyun’s apartment, Luhan thinks, since it is a lot closer to their college building and therefore would be more convenient to crash into.

 

Luhan soon forgets the loss of Sehun’s presence in their apartment, too buried under his books and papers to continuously wonder about his best friend’s whereabouts. Besides, it’s not like it’s the first time Sehun does not sleep in their apartment, he has done it on plenty occasions and Luhan expects as per usual that he is just in his girlfriend’s place. Which is why it comes as great surprise for Luhan when one evening, Joohyun comes knocking into his door looking unsure and politely asking if he’d seen Sehun.

 

“He’s not answering my messages since two nights ago.” Joohyun explains as Luhan leads her to the living room, urging her to take a seat on their couch.

 

Luhan’s brow creases, eyeing Joohyun uncertainly. “But I thought he was staying in your apartment like usual?”

 

“Yeah he did.” Joohyun sighs, “He crashed in there four days ago and the next morning he left. I saw him at the campus the next days but then he stopped messaging me like two nights ago as I’ve said earlier.”

 

“He doesn’t sleep here either.” Luhan runs his fingers through his hair in an attempt to lessen his worry, “I’ve only ever seen him change his clothes here then he disappears for the rest of the day. I don’t even bump into him at our college building.”

 

At his words, a crestfallen expression seems to cover the entirety of Joohyun’s face. “I’m sorry for intruding then,” she says, getting ready to stand up. “I’m just worried about Sehun. He seemed off these past few days so could you please message me when he returns?”

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll find out what’s wrong with Sehun alright?” Luhan tells Joohyun as he touches her hands gently, giving her a warm smile as a form of reassurance. Irene nods her head in response and mutters a word of thanks before she leaves the apartment.

 

That night, Luhan does not only stay awake because of his studies but also due to the prickling feeling of worry he feels for Sehun.

 

It is the sound of the door opening that pulls Luhan out from mindlessly stirring his cup of coffee. He looks up from where he is seated at the kitchen counter and exhales a relieve sigh when he recognizes the familiar figure of his best friend. Immediately he stands, fixing the glasses perch on top of his nose, and rushes to meet Sehun halfway to his room.

 

“Joohyun came here last night,” Luhan starts as a greeting, “She was worried and was looking for you.”

 

When he finishes speaking, Luhan waits for Sehun to respond but the other male seems to be in a world of his own as he only keeps on walking towards his room. The shorter male frowns choosing to step in front of his best friend this time for him to be noticed. When his nose bumps against Sehun’s chest, the trance the latter is in instantly disappear and he looks disapprovingly at Luhan who’s touching the bridge of his nose to ease the pain of the collision.

 

“Are you okay?” They asks at the same time and Luhan immediately has the weird urge to laugh but one look at Sehun’s eyes makes for an instant downturn of his lips. He stares at his best friend whose face is blank but eyes also swimming with a hundred undecipherable emotions. “Are you okay?” Luhan speaks this time casting Sehun a worried glance.

 

“I’m fine.” Sehun’s smile is terrible, his tone of assurance even worst but Luhan decides not to push him yet. The traces of fatigue on the male’s eyes are only noticeable to him now that he’s looking closely and so he concludes maybe Sehun will come to him on his own after a good night’s sleep.

 

“You’re staying here tonight or are you crashing in Joohyun’s place?”

 

“I’m sleeping here,” Sehun mutters tiredly, “Can I excuse myself now?”

 

Luhan nods his head and sidesteps to let Sehun pass but not before grabbing his wrist to tell him something, “Joohyun came by last night. You should call her she’s worried.” Luhan tries to give Sehun a comforting smile, “and whatever this is you’ll tell me soon right?”

 

What Luhan gets in response is a simple nod of the head and the sad image of Sehun’s back turning against him.

______

 

If Sehun’s disappearance and return was in itself already odd, the few days following it were even weirder. When Luhan tries talking to Sehun the next after the latter came back, he wakes up to an empty apartment although it’s barely past nine in the morning. In the evening when they are both at home with Sehun, the latter is barely out of his room as if he’s trying to avoid Luhan at all cost and this causes his best friend to worry even more.

 

It takes three days for Luhan to crack and he all but enters into Sehun’s room to give the male a piece of his mind. Startled by his presence, Sehun immediately looks up from the book he was reading on his lap and gives Luhan a single inquiring glance before going back to his earlier activity. The action inevitably pisses Luhan off causing him to hiss in frustration.

 

“Okay, what is up with you Oh Sehun? Why have you been avoiding me?”

 

“I’m not avoiding you,” Sehun responds, “Look I’m trying to finish this book here so could you please not bother me.”

 

Just with Sehun’s choice of words, Luhan confirms that there is something terribly wrong. He grimaces, taking the book from where it’s situated on Sehun’s lap and therefore effectively gaining the man’s attention back.

 

“Talk to me then.” Luhan all but pleads yet Sehun seems adamant on keeping things to himself. He gives Luhan a look of disapproval before he lays down on his bed to go to sleep. 

  


This puzzles Luhan even more as he stares in shock at the his best friend’s action while at the same time silently searching his head for anything that he might have done to gain that kind of response. With no answer found even after a few minutes of thinking, Luhan throws the book on Sehun’s bed in anger at the unfair treatment before stomping his way out of the male’s room.

 

Sehun remains unresponsive towards it all and sleep does not come easy to him that night.

 

_________

 

When Luhan wakes up the next day, it is to a terribly timed fever. The stress of the past weeks due to the finals and Sehun’s intangible mood had finally caught up to him and he feels his body protesting even against just the tiniest of movements. He closes his eyes trying to fool himself into falling asleep once more however the consistent pounding in his head prevents him from doing so, so he ends pushing his weight from the bed and staggering towards the kitchen to grab a cup of water and medicine.

 

He sighs, instantly feeling the wave of dizziness that comes from the simple act of standing. He walks slowly while making sure that he does not end up face planting his self on the floor and after a few minutes, he successfully reaches the kitchen and takes the things he needs. 

  


After he’s done taking the medicine, Luhan slumps on the kitchen counter with a tired groan and almost falls asleep. But due to the discomfort of sleeping on a marbled table, Luhan stands up and tries to walk back to his room – unfortunately, after only a few steps his tired body loses its balance and Luhan falls unconscious on the floor.

 

The next time Luhan gets back his bearings, he is already on his bed with a cool cloth laid on his forehead. He feels less disoriented than he did earlier and when he makes a move to sit up on his bed, the door to his room opens and Sehun comes in with a tray of porridge and water.

 

“I don’t know how long it was that you’ve been laying there but when I found you earlier you looked like you passed out because you were burning with fever.” Sehun says as he places the tray on Luhan’s bedside table, earning him surprised look from latter. He stands beside Luhan’s bed before taking the dry towel off the male’s forehead and then assisting him to lean on a stack of pillows.

 

“Thank you,” Luhan’s voice is hoarse when he speaks and he grabs the water to ease the dryness in his mouth. “So you finally decide to talk to me, huh?”

 

Sehun’s face turns sour, “when did I not talk to you?”

 

“Since last week obviously.” Luhan coughs out weak but still ready for any signs of an argument.

 

“Luhan some things just happened.” Sehun does not deny Luhan’s accusation any longer, “I met father and mother to arrange a few stuff and I was tired, that’s what it is.”

 

Luhan does not speak, his chest constricting at Sehun’s vague excuse and the obvious lack of trust in his best friend’s words. He watches as the taller male sits on the space beside him and stirs the porridge before signaling him to open his mouth so Sehun could feed him. 

  


They remain silent like that, with Sehun feeding Luhan as an awkward and tense atmosphere takes over. There is no argument occurring between them but Luhan feels as if this is the worst fight they’ve had yet and he doesn’t even have a single idea as to what constituted it all or if he did something wrong.

 

When he’s finished eating, Sehun readily avoids his eyes and rushes to place the bowl on the tray and leave the room. But Luhan is not having any of it and he immediately latches a hand onto Sehun’s wrist to stop the man’s movements and keep him by his side. He is in no state to enter an argument right now but with his best friend actively invading all his efforts to help him, he thinks he has no choice. “Spill,” he simply says to Sehun and his best friend responds with a sigh of his own.

 

“We’ve been over this Luhan, I have nothing to spill alright.” Sehun looks at Luhan in the eye as if to convince him. “I’m alright. Fantastic even.” The taller male states with a tired smile trying to mask the clash of emotions within him but even his own expression betrays him and he fails.

 

“That’s bull Sehun. Stop lying to me, did I do anything wrong?” Luhan breathes out in a rush and he feels a little dizzy at the effort he had to exert when he talked too fast. “We’ve been skirting around this for the past few days and I seriously need to know if there’s anything wrong with you because you’re not being yourself and I’m worried, Joohyun’s worried, and our other friends are too. I’m your best friend Sehun. I’m here. I’ll always be here so tell me what’s happening.”

 

“Nothing.” If there’s anything that Luhan succeeded doing with his little speech, it was to make Sehun even more reclusive than he already is, his lips turning into a firm line. “Luhan you need to understand that there are some things I have to keep to myself right now. Maybe I’ll tell you when it’s the right time but now obviously isn’t it. Besides, I need time for myself as well. Yes you’re my best friend but you don’t need to know everything. Now go to sleep and rest, your fever should be gone by tomorrow.”

 

“But,” Luhan’s defiance and stubbornness shows when he grasps Sehun’s hand just as the male makes a move to stand up. He was incredibly hurt and disheartened with his best friend’s words and the fact that those words even came out of Sehun’s mouth was proof enough that it was not just a simple problem that the latter was facing. 

  


He wanted to be there for him, he really did, but he didn’t know how specially when Sehun was putting up all these walls around his self. “How does that explain why you’re pushing me away? Sehun I need answers. I need to know if you’re really fine.”

 

“Luhan let it go. I told you I’m fine.”

 

“Why are you doing this you’re not fine.”

 

“Luhan, please.”

 

“Sehun,” Luhan pleads and he doesn’t even know why. What he knows however is that he surely is pushing the other’s buttons so much that an emotional storm seems to cloud over Sehun’s hazel colored eyes. He knows he should let go of Sehun’s hand now because he really should respect his best friend’s decision but an irrational part of him, specially with his fever induced mind, still believes that he could convince Sehun to slip even just a little about what is actually bothering him.

 

However the response he receives is one he’s never even thought of or imagined and this causes him to shut down. He sees irrational anger take over the visible light in Sehun’s eyes and before he knows it, warm lips are pressed against his own in the shortest of seconds and then warm brown eyes are staring at him again, Sehun’s forehead leaning onto his. “This is the only answer I could give,” there’s surprise and guilt pooling in Sehun’s orbs, trying to convey the words he could not say.

 

Luhan remains stiff as a pole in his position, unable to take in the situation that had just occurred. Sehun was by no means his first kiss but having his best friend kiss him made him feel like he was back to being the younger version of himself who knew nothing about the feeling of intimacy or passion It didn’t help that Sehun seem to show no hesitance in having done it with only a sudden flare of anger flickering on his face before he crashed his lips onto Luhan’s.

 

This is all wrong, that’s the next thing that comes into Luhan’s mind when he remembers that Sehun has a girlfriend and a perfect one at that. Also, Sehun is straight and had never really shown interest towards people of the same gender as him. That train of thought certainly leaves Luhan even more confused as he gives his best friend a questioning look.

 

“Go to sleep Luhan,” Sehun tiredly orders as he tucks him into bed before placing a gentle peck on his forehead. He walks away carrying the tray he had when he entered the room. However he hovers beside the door a few seconds before he finally leaves and says to Luhan, “Please forget anything that happened tonight.”

 

______

 

To say the atmosphere between them is awkward after that day was beyond an understatement. It used to be Sehun that was insistently avoiding Luhan before, now it was the other way around and Luhan really did his best to have as little as possible interactions with his best friend. Fortunately, Sehun doesn’t seem to find it very alarming and continues to act as if nothing unusual ever happened between him and his best friend. Slowly, Sehun also goes back to acting normal like the past weeks never occurred and that he didn’t disappear for a certain amount of time.

 

When they’re together in the apartment, Luhan tries to act nonchalant but being around Sehun was difficult these days. He feels as if a certain distance had been put in between them and he can’t reach Sehun no matter what so he opts to have as little interaction as possible with the man. But when the calendar hits the month of April, Luhan knows his time of avoidance was supposedly up. In a few weeks, Sehun would have his birthday and as per tradition they would to Japan to celebrate and spend a weekend to themselves.

 

How could Luhan go back to acting normal though when the only thing that floats in his mind when he sees Sehun is how the taste of his lips seems to linger for days. He struggles with his new found feelings and wonders when things suddenly became so complicated.  

  


To say that he likes Sehun romantically would be too much, too early, and he decides he would never think of even reaching that point. What he cannot deny to himself however is the fact that what occurred between them, as insignificant as it may be in the long run, had brought out emotions within Luhan that he didn’t even want to name.

 

“Are you okay Han?” Kyungsoo asks as he takes a slice of his cheesecake, “You’ve been spacing out since earlier. Is something bothering you?”

 

Luhan shakes his head, taking a sip of his coffee, “Just missing a few hours of sleep.”

 

“Really? Or are you having a cold war with Sehun? You haven’t been attached to each other these past few weeks.” Kyungsoo observantly notes, giving his friend a curious glance.

 

“We’re both just busy with our studies and besides we have our own lives to live.” Luhan dismisses Kyungsoo with a tight smile but the latter just snorts at him.

 

“Yeah right. You’re in the same college department with almost the same course –you can’t possibly have at least less than a dozen interactions with him. Also you’re living together but these days you act like you don’t.” Kyungsoo chastises before he rolls his eyes, “And speaking of the devil.”

 

The chimes on top of the café’s door pleasantly ring signaling the entrance of new customers. Luhan turns a little from his seat and sees the upcoming figures of Sehun and Jongin who immediately occupies the empty seats beside them.

 

“Hi Luhan. Hi Soo!” Jongin’s voice is chirpy when he speaks, lips forming a beautiful smile after Kyungsoo pecks his cheeks as a response.

 

“Morning Jongin,” Luhan grins before turning towards the man beside him with a more reserved smile, “morning to you too Hun.”

 

“Morning.” Sehun replies, eyes turning into the shape of crescent moon as he smiles softly. Somewhere in his chest, Luhan feels his heart lurch a little at the gesture but he crushes the feeling as fast as it comes. He silently communicates with Kyungsoo, stares him at the eye as if to signal how he’s earlier accusations weren’t true. Kyungsoo merely rolls his eyes at him and coughs the word awkward as he sips on his own coffee.

 

Fortunately, the afternoon goes by smoothly although Luhan tries to interact with Sehun as little as possible to avoid looking awkward or uncomfortable. If Kyungsoo and Jongin noticed anything off between the two, they do not speak nor point it out, so it comes as a surprise to all of them specially Luhan, when Sehun excuses them both for an earlier exit. When they go out of the coffee shop, Luhan walks awkwardly behind Sehun and when the latter notices, he stops in his steps and waits for Luhan to reach his side.

 

“So,” Sehun begins with a casual smile, “Do you think we’re still on with that Japan trip next week?”

 

Luhan quirks an eyebrow towards his best friend, eyes rising comically high, “Excuse me?”

 

“The trip, my birthday,” Sehun rubs his nape, “You know when we go to Japan every year.”

 

“Sehun I know,” Luhan says as he tries to keep up with Sehun’s long steps. “It’s just weird, that’s all. I mean after the things that happened recently.”

 

Sehun halts in his steps a little at the smaller male’s words, stuttering a short reply. “The past week was just hectic Luhan. It’s okay, we’re okay right?”

 

“We’re okay?” Luhan echoes dumbly, suddenly pulling Sehun into an alleyway they were passing by as a burst of anger flares in him, “Why are you acting like that never happened Sehun? I know you told me to forget it. And I don’t know why I’m even getting mad because it’s not like you didn’t kiss me before when we were kids but that’s excusable, we were children. And I’m rambling, aren’t I? But you kissed me Sehun and what for?”

 

“To shut you up.” The taller male simply answers, lips drawing into a firm line as his best friend pointedly looks at him, “You’re just thinking too much into it. I told you there were things I’m not ready to tell you and you just wouldn’t shut up so I did it out of anger, reflex, I don’t know okay? So forget it, just forget it. It was nothing.”

 

The fight left in Luhan’s body is drained at his best friend’s words. Although he might not admit it to have the kiss be called nothing was both a relief and pain to hear. He thinks it’s also true, that he’s just over-thinking things and giving meaning to something that shouldn’t have occurred in the first place. Besides it’s not really out of the norm for best friends to kiss each other sometimes right? So he surmises it’s fine, he would forget it.

 

“You’re an idiot.” Luhan chuckles sadly as he leans against the brick wall, “You won’t even let me in anymore.”

 

“There are things you’re better off not knowing Han.” Sehun’s gaze is far away when he speaks and it doesn’t help in killing the prickling feeling of unease that still sits in Luhan’s chest.

 

He still nods however, “I hope you’re right.” He mumbles before plastering an unsure smile on his face, “So Japan next week?” Sehun gives him an equally uncertain look but agrees as well.

 

They might not be fine now but they’re good –and good is always certainly better than bad.

 

______

 

   


> _And when you speak_
> 
> _Angels sing from above_
> 
> _Everyday words seem to turn_
> 
> _Into love song_

 

Things remain good for Luhanwhen a few days before his trip with Sehun, his parents come knocking into their apartment to tell the former that they are going to throw a huge birthday party for him and that he needs to go home to help with the preparations. He explains it to Sehun and fortunately, the other doesn’t take it against Luhan, only making him promise to give a gift when they meet for the smaller male’s birthday.

 

The next few days passed by in a blur and Luhan thinks his birthday hadn’t come this fast for quite some time now, the last time probably being when he was still a kid. So when his birthday comes, he starts his day with a visible spring in his step. 

  


When he goes down from his room, he smiles after seeing their living area buzzing with so much life as their servants prepare for the party that night. Soon enough when the sun begins to set, most of the guests also begin arriving consist mainly of Luhan’s friends, classmates, and his parents’ business partners and acquaintances.

 

“Looking good tonight Han!” Jongdae mock whistles when Luhan approaches his group of friends that night. Luhan grins, rolling his eyes at his friend’s comment before joining their table.

 

“Thanks,” Luhan grins, “I’m glad you could all come tonight.”

 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world of course! Happy birthday Lu!” Baekhyun responds, slinging an arm over Luhan’s shoulder. “We have a gift for you by the way.”

 

“It’s not that much,” Jongin begins, holding a small silver envelope in his hand as he stands beside Kyungsoo, “But we hope you’ll like it.”

 

“All of us just basically pitch in, in it. It’s the best we can give you since you have everything anyway.” Sehun comments, chuckling a little and Luhan smiles at them gratefully with an excited twinkle in his eyes as he takes the envelope from Jongin’s waiting hand.

 

When he moves to open it, Chanyeol shrieks moving to stop him, “You should probably open it later!”

 

“He’s right. You’ll probably scream like a banshee once you see what’s inside, better safe than sorry.” Kyungsoo teases causing a pout to form on Luhan’s face.

 

“It’s my birthday but you guys are still teasing me,” Luhan says looking at them one by one before he notices something, “By the way why is Joohyun not with you? Did she not receive the invite?”

 

A consuming silence settles for a few seconds, everyone avoiding Luhan’s gaze a bit before Baekhyun’s awkward cough takes Luhan’s attention and the brown haired male speaks, “She’s been sick for the past few days so she can’t come today.”

 

“That’s bad,” Luhan comments with a frown before shooting Sehun an accusing look, “You should leave early tonight you know. You should take care of her.”

 

Sehun merely gives Luhan a tight lipped smile and a tip of the head as a response causing Luhan to frown in confusion but before he could give any more thought to his best friend’s response, his mother’s voice is heard loudly in the area and he’s called on the stage that was set in their living room.

  


Once he’s stepped foot on the stage, he stands beside his father and his mother introduces him to all of their guests before requesting them to sing a birthday song for him.

 

“I’m glad that all of you are able to come here in this special night.” Luhan’s mother says once all the guests are seated, “Our Luhan who is celebrating his nineteenth birthday is grateful to have you all in our home.” Luhan smiles when his mother looks at him before moving closer after she gestures him to her side.

 

“Now, before we continue with tonight’s celebration there is something else we have been waiting to announce that would add to tonight’s festivities.” Luhan’s mother smiles causing him to look at her curiously since he has no idea of what would be said. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll let my husband do the honors.”

 

“Good evening everyone.” Luhan’s father grins as he speaks, “I hope you’re all enjoying tonight. As for the important announcement my wife has mentioned, I would no longer keep you all waiting. This arrangement has been under the wraps for a long time and my family and I are absolutely thrilled to tell you all that our son, Luhan, who we think has grown into a fine young man is to be married two months from now.”

 

“Married?” Luhan quietly repeats to himself in question as terror begins to seep into his body at his father’s words. He immediately looks at his mom for an explanation but her smile is brighter than before, eyes focused on her father as Luhan dreads the next few minutes.

 

“And I know you all might be wondering who the lucky spouse to be is,” His father continues, eyes crinkling in mirth as a spotlight scans the crowd of people, “Well, as one of the most successful companies in this county Lu Group and Industries continues to aim for the path of success and being the best in our field. In order for that happen our son’s marriage will not only be a union of two people in love but also a merging of our corporation and a world renowned firm. Everyone, please welcome our son’s fiancé Oh Sehun of SH Group.”

 

Thunderous claps echo against the four walls of the place as the announcement finishes while Luhan is left astounded and visibly shaken to his core at the sight of his best friend going up the stage to stand beside him. Immediately, the flashes of camera occupy Luhan’s vision and he feels the muscles of his face strain as he forces himself not to look as confused and angry as he felt. In the remaining hours of his party, congratulatory messages are said to Luhan and his parents as he sat in a table with them and Sehun’s parents.

 

When the hype of the party has died down and most of the guests have left, Luhan is taken into his mother’s embrace as she showers him with praises on how well he had handled their announcement. A scoff makes its way out of Luhan’s mouth and this time he does not make an effort to stop it nor the fury slowly seeping back into his bones and taking over the numbness that had calmed him earlier. He moves out of his mother’s hug and glares at her, voice shaking in anger as he speaks.

 

“Should I be happy ma?” Luhan questions, fingers curling tightly into a fist, “I did not know a single thing about that damn announcement and so I had to shut myself down because I did not know what to think of it. Should I be happy that you’re praising me now because you think I acted the right way? Ma, I am mad, absolutely so! And you’re here thanking me for acting so well but that was not an act. That was me not knowing what to do because I was blindsided!”

 

“Lu it’s for the best.” His mother tries to calm him, reaching out to touch his shoulders only for Luhan to flinch and bump into one of the tables.

 

“It’s for the best!?? We both know it’s the best for you and dad, for the company, but not me.” Luhan’s voice drips with sarcasm when he speaks, “You’re taking away my life!” He enunciates as he stares into his mother’s eyes. “I am not your son, I’m just another business deal you planned and successfully closed.”

 

His mother frowns at his words, still trying to reach him, “Honey let me explain. It was supposed to be a surprise. We thought you’d be happy. We thoug-”

 

“Happy?! Is this what happy looks like to you?!” Luhan exclaims as he turns around and swipes off the plates and glasses left on the table behind him. He could his mother gasp in shock behind him but he pays no mind to it as he continues to vent out his anger on what remains of the table. Too caught up in his emotions, Luhan does not notice the tears that fall from his eyes as he continuously kicks the table in frustration.

 

“What is happening here?” An alarmed voice that is much too familiar, reaches Luhan’s ears and he turns around seething in anger as he walks toward his best friend. The sound of Luhan’s open palm meeting with Sehun’s face echoes loudly in the open space as the remaining people consists mostly of their friends and the servers stare at them.

 

“How dare you,” Luhan directly stares at Sehun, “How dare you call yourself as my best friend and not tell me anything about this!? You’re a jerk Oh Sehun, you’re a jerk and I could never marry you.”

 

“Luhan,” Sehun looks at him worriedly, “Luhan calm down okay?”

 

“Calm down?! Do I look like I want to calm down?! I’ve always trusted you Sehun, why do you have to do this to me!?” Luhan sobs angrily as he tries to land a punch on Sehun but the latter, obviously expecting it already catches Luhan’s fist in mid-air before immediately pulling him into an embrace. Luhan strongly struggles in his hold and curses him but as minutes passed; Luhan begins to weaken in his ministrations. With his face pressed against Sehun’s chest, the smaller of the two continues to cry, mind in absolute confusion.

 

Freedom and happiness felt like it was slowly slipping out of Luhan’s fingers. He should be happy, he chides himself, how ungrateful of him to feel as if his parents and Sehun warranted his wrath when he should have been over the moon that he was at least getting engaged with someone he’s known his entire life. 

  


But that was the point, Luhan grips Sehun’s dress shirt tightly and begins to sob once again, that was absolutely the point. Luhan knows Sehun too well, too much more than he liked sometimes, too aware of everything that makes Sehun that it scares him just how much this engagement would affect everything else. This marriage is not something they could escape because adulthood had come too fast and was knocking on their door to deliver the responsibilities they were essentially made to shoulder now that the time has come.

 

“We’ll be fine.” Sehun whispers although he sounds uncertain himself. With his huge warm hands wrapped soothingly against Luhan’s back, the latter could no longer find it himself to disagree although he knows that the next few days would be anything but fine.

 

When his cries finally calm down, he feels rather than sees Sehun’s hand cup his face and tilt his chin towards him. There is only warmth when Sehun looks at him in the eyes, “we’ll be fine,” Sehun assures him again and Luhan just knew the moment Sehun directed that warm smile towards him - it was a heartbreak waiting to happen.

 


	2. II.

When Luhan wakes up in their apartment the following day his movements are seized by the obvious pounding of an ache in his head. He groans, closing his eyes immediately when flashes of light slip through his curtains. He remembers getting shit drunk the night before and losing consciousness once he and Sehun had reach their front door. The evening had been an awful one, the worst yet if Luhan dares to say and he tries not to remember too much as he prays for sleep to visit him once again however the sound of his door opening quickly crushes that possibility.

 

Sehun enters his room with a tray, and Luhan remember a similar scene occurring but it feels so long ago. He rubs his eyes gently, waiting for Sehun to settle beside him as the latter places the tray on his bedside table and grabs the glass of water and aspirin for him to take. Luhan quietly follows his instruction and watches as Sehun hands him a cup of coffee next.

 

“Rough night?” Sehun begins the conversation while looking at Luhan gently, the awkward atmosphere setting right immediately as Luhan tries to avoid his gaze.

 

“Could have been better.” Luhan sips his coffee, a forced smile painting his tired lips. “By the way, I opened the gift you guys gave me last night and I just wanted to say thank you. I think I could really use it now.”

 

Sehun’s eyes widen for a second before he speaks softly, unsure, “now?”

 

“Yes Sehun now.” The smaller male sighs, placing the cup of coffee on the tray and finally looking at Sehun’s eyes. “I need to get away for a moment. This place just doesn’t make feel the same now.”

 

“Can you reconsider?” He tries to grab Luhan’s hand but the latter flinches, “Uh there’s a press conference two days from now. We need to be there.”

 

Luhan’s face goes slack for a second before disbelief flashes in his eyes. The pounding in his head becomes apparent and he breathes in to avoid the pain from being noticeable.

 

“This really was planned well, wasn’t it?” Luhan scoffs, “A press interview and in just two fucking days. Absolutely terrific but I’m not going.”

 

“Luhan our parents need us to be there.” Sehun pleads, “Just use the ticket after the interview.”

 

Luhan’s mouth goes firm, “I said no Sehun. Don’t I even have the freedom to choose where I want to go now?”

 

“It’s not that.” Sehun’s frustration begins to leak in his voice as he runs his fingers through his hair, “I’m just saying that we need to make this appearance so our parents won’t have to be breathing on our necks the next few weeks.”

 

“But I don’t want to Sehun! Don’t you understand?” Luhan raises his voice before gritting his teeth as he tries to ignore his headache, “I’ve been kept in the dark all this time and you expect me to act fine and dandy after that? You’re not even giving me the chance to process everything,” chuckles Luhan sarcastically, “and now all of you wants me to put a smile on my face and be happy for a marriage I didn’t even want.”

 

“And you think I want this!?” Sehun spits venomously at his best friend unable to take the blame any longer, “Unlike how you are acting now, I’m simply being mature Luhan. I’m trying not to blame these all on our parents and act like an asshole at everyone who tries to help me. I am not a single bit delighted at the prospect of this marriage but if being an adult means having to take this responsibility then I will do it.”

 

Luhan’s laughter is dark as a response, his eyes staring firmly at Sehun as he speaks. “Big fucking words Oh Sehun! You know what? You are such a hypocrite.” Luhan grimaces, unable to mask his disappointment, “Here you are talking mighty fine about being an adult but you’re the one who locked me out for weeks to keep a secret that I should have known from the start! You were the first one to act like an asshole. You lied to me and you had time to process things for yourself but what about me? Are you really taking that right away from me!?”

 

“I hid it because it was for the best. Look at you now. Do you think you could have handled it if I told you? You’d probably try to run away like what you are doing now and I’d have to take all the blame.” Sehun angrily says, fists clenching. “And it’s not like you could have done anything for me or anything to stop it. I’m the one who needs to make more sacrifices at the end. I have to break up with Joohyun, with the girl I love Luhan! And you would never know that pain!”

 

The accusations that comes out from Sehun’s mouth does nothing more than increase the pain in Luhan’s head. His lips tremble in anger as well while he feels the breath get knocked out of him bit by bit, “You are selfish.” Luhan tries not to let his voice tremble, “You are absolutely selfish and an asshole Sehun. How dare you turn all the blame on me when you’ve done enough actions to be at fault for this mess. You try to act kind, like you understand every fuck up thing about this situation but the truth is you’re just as loss as me.”

 

“No, shut up.”

 

“No, you shut up!” Luhan’s scream echoes loudly against the room’s four walls and never had he wish more that everything was just a dream. “Listen to yourself. Do you even know how absurd you sound? How awful it is to be at the receiving end of all those words you’re saying? I know I couldn’t do anything now but that’s because I had no idea, I was kept in the dark for fucks sake! I could have prevented this, I could have kept you and Joohyun together but now what am I supposed to do?” Luhan feels his body shake, too angry, too tired.

 

“Did you ever, even for a just a second, think of how I am going to feel when all this shit goes down? The answer is no right? I can read it in your eyes and you don’t even have to tell me because I am your best friend Sehun! Best friend,” Luhan enunciates with obvious distaste.

 

“But during this time I don’t even think you saw me as that. I was your best friend before I became your fiancé Sehun but you didn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt.” Luhan grits out, violently brushing away the drops of tears that had fallen from his eyes. “Instead all of you just acted on your will without telling me, without warning me and here I am now – obviously left as the collateral damage.”

 

Sehun is left speechless at the outburst of Luhan and the morning had gone exactly as how he feared it to be. He stares at Luhan’s figure turning away from him before he leaves silently as he feels all the fight drain out from his body. Once he has closed the door to the room, he heads towards their living room and lies on the couch for the remainder of the morning. The sun is shining brightly outside but Sehun feels like he’s in the darkest point of his life and there’s no way out.

 

________

 

“Is Luhan here?” the panicked face of Sehun was not something Kyungsoo expected to see in front of their apartment that night, “I’ve been looking for him since earlier but I can’t seem to find him.”

 

“He’s not here.” Kyungsoo looks at Sehun worriedly, “But you should probably come in first. Have you eaten anything?”

 

With slumped shoulders, Sehun walks into the apartment and heads to the couch to seat weakly on it. Kyungsoo follows after him and heads into the kitchen to grab some of the remaining kimchi spaghetti he and Jongin had for their dinner. On his way back to Sehun, he bumps into Jongin who just finished showering and he signals towards their friend who is quietly seated in their living room.

 

“Sehun?” Jongin walks toward his friend as Kyungsoo follows behind him, “What are you doing here?”

 

“Luhan’s missing.” Answers Sehun as he stares helplessly at the couple, “We had a fight and we didn’t talk after. I fell asleep in our living room and when I woke up he was no longer there. He’s not even answering his phone.”

 

Jongin and Kyungsoo look at each other worriedly as the latter passes the plate of food to Sehun. However, Sehun only takes a few bites before placing the pale on the table in front of him. He leans his head on the couch, closing his eyes for a few seconds before speaking.

 

“I’m so tired.” He says, “I’m so tired of this all. Please call me when you see him.” Sehun stands abruptly and the couple could only watch as he makes his way towards their door, “What am I even thinking, he probably used the ticket for the cruise already. I’m sorry for bothering you guys, I’ll take my leave.”

 

When the door slams shut, Kyungsoo and Jongin are left to worry by themselves. However, not an hour has passed when a knock gains the couple’s attention once again. Jongin rushes to open the door, thinking it is Sehun who came back but then he sees the disheveled form of Luhan right at their doorstep.

 

“Is your couch available for tonight?” Luhan asks and Jongin nods dumbly before watching the man wordlessly enter their place. He takes the place of Jongin beside Kyungsoo on the couch then uses the latter’s lap as pillow.

 

Kyungsoo frowns, “Okay what is happening right now?”

 

“Sehun just came here earlier do you know that?” Jongin adds, seating on the edge of the couch as they wait for Luhan’s response. Luhan closes his eyes, the sound of his steady breathing the only audible answer from him. Kyungsoo runs his fingers through his friend’s hair as a gesture of comfort and to give a sense of security. They have been friends for a long time and this obviously made him attuned to the emotions his friend has and it couldn’t have been any more obvious how distress Luhan was right at that moment.

 

“Can I stay here until tomorrow?” Luhan asks, looking carefully into Kyungsoo’s eyes as he sits up. “Don’t tell Sehun, I’ll talk to him soon enough.”

 

“You’re always welcome to stay here Luhan,” Kyungsoo answers, “We really don’t mind. But you have to talk to us. You have to tell us what’s wrong? Is this about the engagement?”

 

There are so many words that are at the tip of Luhan’s tongue but he does not know how to say it. He stares at Kyungsoo and Jongin, thinks of how in love they are and how he could never have that kind of love for himself any longer. It’s probably his fault for being such an overly romantic person but Luhan surely couldn’t hide the disappointment that crosses his face at the fleeting thoughts that works its way onto his head.

 

“Luhan are you alright?” Questions Jongin worriedly as he reaches out for Luhan’s shoulder. “You look like you’re going to get sick.”

 

“I’m fine,” Luhan nods, “Absolutely fine. I just need to sleep. Things were a little hectic for the past few days don’t you think?”

 

“Alright we’ll let you rest. You know where the guestroom is so you could go ahead and wash. We can talk tomorrow.” Kyungsoo holds Luhan’s hand in his and the latter gives him a tight-lipped smile as a response. “Goodnight Han.”

 

“Goodnight.” Luhan answers and Jongin gives him a one-sided hug before leaving with Kyungsoo to their room. When he reaches his room, Luhan immediately falls on the bed due to fatigue. He had spent the whole day walking after slipping away from Sehun who was asleep. He was so tempted to take the cruise ticket he received from his friends during his birthday but guilt won over his impulses and Luhan could not simply run away from all the responsibilities that had now landed on his shoulder.

 

Leaving Sehun was also not an option he could easily choose because no matter how betrayed he felt by his best friend, to have him receive all the accusations and blame once Luhan disappears would simply kill him and his conscience inside.

 

So he chose to stay. He chose the path that would probably break him in the long run because even when he’s all in pain and bruising, Luhan is still thinking of others rather than himself. He love his parents and he certainly cares for Sehun and that was enough for him to remain where he was even when every fiber of his being was urging him to run away.

____________

 

Certainly it was a gloomy day, with gray clouds rolling in and covering bits of light cast by the sun in the sky, there couldn’t have been a better warning of what the day has in store. Luhan fixes his sight on the lack of brightness outside his room before putting back his attention on the cuffs of his dress shirt he has yet to fix. Once he’s finished setting himself up, Luhan takes a last look at the mirror before heading towards the living room to say his goodbye to Jongin and Kyungsoo.

 

Once they see him, the couple immediately gives Luhan the tightest hug they could muster since it was one of the only form of support the two could give right at the moment. Hearing the story regarding what happened between him and Sehun after the announcement of their engagement, both males could do nothing but to sympathize with their friend who looks equal parts lost and scared when he was spilling out the story to them yesterday. It was certainly wrong of Sehun to keep something as big as that announcement from Luhan but they simply cannot disregard the other side of the story too because they both know that taking sides would do no good in helping to patch up the damage in Luhan and Sehun’s relationship.

 

“So I’ll see the two of you there later, right?” Luhan asks meekly with a defeated smile on his lips. “The interview would start at 2 in the afternoon but I’m sure Sehun and our families are already there at the hotel so I’ll head there now.”

 

“We’ll be there,” Kyungsoo promises as he rubs Luhan’s arm comfortingly. “We’ll be there with you throughout the interview. Baekhyun is also coming and Chanyeol’s keeping Sehun company as of now.”

 

“If you suddenly feel off we’ll be there at the front, okay? So just look at us.” Jongin adds as an afterthought, “You can do this Lu. You got this.”

 

“Thank you.” Luhan smiles sincerely although his eyes are reflecting sadness in them. “I wouldn’t know what I would do without you guys.”

 

Hearing Luhan’s words, Kyungsoo gives him an understanding look before tightly squishing his hands in his while Jongin gently ruffles Luhan’s hair. Shortly after, they finally say their goodbyes and although Luhan successfully pushes himself to not run back to the safety and comforting warmth of his friends’ apartment, he still feels dread claw its way up from the depth of his stomach and up, up into his throat to squeeze the air out of him. I’m fine, that’s what he tells himself when he starts the engine of his car and moves out of the building’s parking lot to head towards the hotel owned by Sehun’s father.

 

It takes at least thirty minutes for him to reach his destination and by then Luhan is a bundle of nerves and a bomb of emotions. He inhales deeply, flashing his identification card to one of the security guards before he is given a passed to enter the private parking area where only a few definite people are allowed. Quickly parking his vehicle, Luhan goes out of his car to smooth the crinkles that had formed on his dress shirt before taking the suit jacket on his passenger seat and securely closing the door after.

 

He knows the security must have alerted his parents and the Oh’s of his presence already because as Luhan enters the hotel by the backdoor, he is greeted by no other than Sehun who is as formally dressed as him, black hair tussled back and eyes dulled from stress and unspoken words. “You came, you’re here.” Sehun breathes out as if he’s just been relieved of the biggest problem that could exist in this world. Luhan finds his best friend’s words cliché at its finest but he still ends up giving him a tight-lipped smile. “Thank you,” he hears before he sees Sehun move and suddenly he’s engulfed into a warm embrace, “thank you.” Sehun repeats and Luhan remains frozen in his hold.

 

“Sehun, let go.” Luhan orders and he doesn’t really mean it to sound so cold when he says it but he can’t help the hostile route his tone takes when he opens his mouth. As if physically burnt by Luhan’s words, Sehun instantly releases Luhan from the hug and bows his head in shame. Conflicted, the smaller of the two tries to reach out to immediately apologize but the moment is broken when Luhan’s mother suddenly arrives out of nowhere and takes Luhan into her arms.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Luhan’s mother says when she leans her head onto her son’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry if we hurt you my son but please understand us. We only want the best for the both of you.” Although his mother probably meant well, Luhan couldn’t help but feel spite at the words that come out of her mouth. He remains unresponsive from her hug and soon enough she releases him but not before patting his cheek softly –which in turn makes Luhan weak for a moment before a stoic expression takes over his face again.

 

“Let’s get this over with mom.” He says to her coldly avoiding the guilty look both his mother and Sehun sends him, “Please lead the way.”

 

They walk immediately at Luhan’s command and the silence that surrounds them is so thick it could probably suffocate them. When they reach the hall where the press conference would be held, the staff of the hotel are barely just finished with the preparations and Luhan is greeted by the apologetic looks from his father and Sehun’s parents. They are good people and Luhan is more than aware of that for he had spent the past nineteen years of his life being guided and properly provided by them however he still cannot push himself to ignore the fact that they’ve done this behind his back – a simple heads up would have gone a long way.

 

It takes a few more hours for the interview to start and Luhan simply breezes right through it when it begins – already having expected the cliché questions that were asked to them. Once they are done, the crowd of reporters requests them to post photo after photo and Luhan couldn’t help the shiver that runs through him when Sehun’s arm gently wraps around his waist to pull them close together. Him and Sehun were no stranger to being close but this moment felt entirely different on its own and it was simply because they were no longer standing together just as best friends whose parents are business associates but rather as the heirs of two huge enterprises that were soon to become one.

 

___________

 

When Luhan goes to class the day after the press con, the last person he expected to bump into was Joohyun. Rather than an unexpected meeting, he sees Joohyun standing near his classroom, brown hair tied into a bun and a small bag dangling off her shoulders. There’s always been a positive aura around Joohyun that made her seem approachable and Luhan thinks it’s mainly the reason why he had easily warmed up to her. However it seems as if even Joohyun is no match against the gloomy days because the light in her eyes are nothing but dimmed when she greets Luhan with a sad smile.

 

“Joohyun, I’m-” Luhan does not get a chance to finish his sentence as Joohyun collides her body with his and wraps her arms around him tightly. The patch of wetness that begins to bloom on his shirt is easily noticeable and he knows by the muffled sounds of uneven breathing against his chest that Joohyun is crying. At the sight of Joohyun breaking down in front of him, Luhan can’t help but feel guiltier towards her. He wraps his arm around her as well, gently caressing her back as she lets her tears out.

 

When she calmed down, Joohyun reaches out to hold Luhan’s hand tightly in hers before looking at him in the eyes, “I know you didn’t mean it oppa and you’re just as lost as I was. It’s okay I understand, things like this happen all the time with people like us and so please, just take care of him.”

 

Luhan didn’t know how to react after hearing the words Joohyun had to say especially because he expected her to be absolutely furious at him rather than sad. He wanted her to scream at him because at least that would help lessen the guilt he was feeling, he wanted her to push him, maybe a slap would do as well – any pain would have been better compared to seeing the silent acceptance of defeat Joohyun was now showing him.

 

“Joohyun you don’t have do this.” Luhan grasps her hand as well, worriedly looking at her, “I’m so sorry for not being able to do anything. But please don’t give up on Sehun yet maybe I could talk to our parents or maybe I could stop the marriage. It doesn’t have to be this way.”

 

“You and I both know those are empty promises.” Joohyun lets go of Luhan’s hand. “I am really mad at you, you know that oppa? I always had the gut feeling you were going to steal Sehun from me one day but I didn’t expect it to come too soon. But I love you though, I love you as a friend because you were always there for me as well and that’s why I’m willing to do this. Some people aren’t just meant to be together you know and maybe it’s the same for me and Sehun.”

 

There’s a certain finality in the words that leaves Joohyun’s lips and Luhan knows it is a form of goodbye when he stares at her and there’s a closed off looked in her eyes. “Someday maybe we could be friends again.” Joohyun says before she turns her back, leaving Luhan to watch her as she leaves him in the hallway.

 

This is the saddest Luhan has ever seen Joohyun looked and although it might sound awful, he secretly wishes she wasn’t too kind for her own good because at the end of the day it seems – it is always the good ones that get hurt the most.

 

__________

 

If Luhan ever thought before that two months were a long time to be waiting, now that the time of his marriage to Sehun was nearing he was certainly thinking the opposite. He was not sure how or why but the past weeks had certainly felt like it went way faster than it usually did and now he’s found himself standing in the middle of a high-end tailoring shop, fitting his suit for a wedding that’s supposed to happen in two weeks. Buttoning the cuffs of his sleeves, Luhan then wears the white suit jacket as a finishing touch and smiles with a bittersweet look into the mirror as he digests his appearance.

 

He loves how good he looks in his wedding suit but that does not mean his heart does not break a little at the implications such clothes bring. In a few more days, he’s going to walk in the aisle and promise his unending devotion and love to a man who he always just thought would stand as a best man in his wedding. He stares at his reflection, stress lines stretched across his forehead at such a young age and laughs at the absurdity of his situation.

 

Luhan grew up in a world where in most of what he needed and wanted was handed to him on a silver platter. There was nothing Luhan could not afford. So it seems of such irony now that something as priceless as love and freedom were out of his reach. It reminds him of a long time ago, of words said by Kyungsoo that he should have kept close to his heart. Kyungsoo who had struggled and suffered not eating three times a day before his dad was able to revive their failing business and succeeded once again.

 

He first met Kyungsoo when Jongdae introduced the meek boy to their group of friends during their first year of junior high. He had been thin then, silent and still getting used once again to a life that offered all the comforts in the world. But Luhan, ever so radiant and bubbly, easily made Kyungsoo warm up to him and it didn’t take long for him to learn more about the other boy. It was during one of their sleepovers that Kyungsoo told him about how his family had struggled financially but was able to recover.

 

Luhan expected the then young Kyungsoo to tear up as he recollected the circumstances his family had gone through but there was simply a bittersweet smile on the latter’s face. So Luhan had ask Kyungsoo why he seemed alright even after going through such an ordeal and this made the smaller male silent for a certain while. Luhan had panicked, thinking he had offended Kyungsoo with his question but Kyungsoo simply reached out to him, touched his hand, and smiled.

 

“It’s okay Luhan,” Kyungsoo had said, “I know you didn’t mean anything bad with it. And to answer your question well it was difficult having to go through it. I’m not going to lie, waking up one day and realizing we have almost nothing left of the things we used to have felt like a nightmare.  I felt scared and lost and I was angry at my parents for not being able to manage our business.”

 

Kyungsoo sighs, “But I was young, I’m still young now but I was a lot more irrational before. I didn’t speak to my parents and I was childish as a child could be. Yet my parents didn’t give up trying to make me understand our situation and I saw how everything was harder for them. Point is, actually I’m sort of glad it happened because if it didn’t I wouldn’t be the person I am now. As they say, things happen for a reason. Money’s important but there are things you can’t and can have without it, it all depends in the situation.”

 

Luhan had hug Kyungsoo right there and then making the latter smile appreciatively against his shoulder. And as Luhan recounted the final advice Kyungsoo had told him that night, it was a sudden knock on the door of his dressing room that pulled him out of his dazed state. He quickly turned to open the door and was immediately ushered outside so him and Sehun could see how each other looked. As he staggered out of his dressing room, he wrings his hands together nervously and waits for Sehun to come out. He thinks of the last two months in which they somehow had patch up a little of their friendship although there had certainly been better days between them and he misses it.

 

Then the sounds of footsteps earns his attention and lump makes its way in Luhan’s throat as his gaze falls on Sehun who is dressed in a matching white suit – all fine lines and broad shoulders. The tall male stares back at him, sheepishly smiling and suddenly there’s an overwhelming burst of emotion in Luhan’s chest that he cannot explain. He might have disliked the whole situation they were in now but if he were to be honest, having to be able to see Sehun in his wedding suit is one of the moments he’s sure he would never regret.

 

“You look beautiful,” Sehun breathes, coming closer to Luhan. “What do you think? Is this the perfect fit?”

 

“Yeah,” Luhan speaks, trying to look unaffected, “It suits you perfectly.”

 

“Very well. Let’s take yours and mine, I’ll meet you at the lobby when you’re finish changing.”

 

Luhan merely nods his head in response and gives Sehun a tight-lipped smile. When he goes back inside the dressing room, he feels a little faint, heart beating a little too fast than normal in his chest. It’s been happening frequently for the past few weeks and usually, it’s when Sehun is near him or simply being good to him. His ends up looking at his reflection in the mirror once again and sees the confusion eminent on his face. Kyungsoo’s past advice rings louder in his ears this time.

 

_“True love. If you have someone who loves you truly and unconditionally then it’s easy to overcome even the lowest point of your life. So find someone who can give you that and everything will follow. True love equates to happiness even in struggle, and it’s definitely not something even the richest man could buy.”_

There’s an echo in Luhan’s head as he remembers those words and he wonders if it’s too late to run away. Certainly, at this rate finding true love was out of the equation because it would never be something this merger could buy. Even when he and Sehun had spent most of their lives being with each other through thick and thin, being in a marriage and being for to love each other romantically was a different situation altogether.

 

Is it too much to ask to marry someone who could truly love him as well? Luhan curses under his breath as the image of Sehun in a wedding suit flashes in his head once again, and the urge to run away and disappear before the wedding grows stronger within him. He squashes it however with all the grit he has and breathes deeply. He’s made a decision and he’ll see it through even when there’s the possibility that it would cost him his own broken heart in the long run.

____________

 

The morning of the wedding arrives like a hazy dream taking place while Luhan is conscious and more than aware of his surroundings. A flicker of movements sets the day into motion and Luhan finds himself pampered and passed on to different people while they prepare him for the wedding that is set to happen before noon. Luhan thinks everything is a jumbled mess even when it obviously isn’t, and every part of the event if going on time and down to a t. An hour before the ceremony starts, he is asked to wait in a room connected to the chapel and where the important guests could visit him to talk and take a photo.

 

People come and go inside the room and the last people to visit him are his and Sehun’s friends. They immediately engulf him in a hug and compliment his looks. Baekhyun and Jongdae fights over who gets to coddle him the most before he’s sent to walk to the altar while Jongin, Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol simply shakes their heads at their antics and talks to Luhan to ease his nerves. It’s a few more minutes before the ceremony begins and the group passes their time conversing with each other, Luhan unconsciously begins tapping his fingers against his thigh due to nervousness. But Kyungsoo sees this and grabs his hand to prevent him from looking too anxious.

 

So, thirty minutes had passed but there’s yet anyone to knock into Luhan’s room. His friends begin to look at him worriedly in realization of the time that had already went by but the doe-eyed male had as little idea of the situation as they did. It was a little selfish but Luhan felt a little relieve that the wedding might not push through after all however he can’t help but feel a little worried of what the situation was outside so he asks Chanyeol to check up on it. Just as Chanyeol was about to head out, a sudden knock on the door gathers their attention and Luhan holds his breathe in anticipation as everyone stills.

 

“Luhan,” It’s his mother that enters the room, eyes shaking as she looks at him, “The wedding is off.”

 

Luhan’s relief is visible as he exhales, “Why? Did Sehun back out?”

 

“No.” Luhan’s mom is now obviously shaking as tears threaten to fall from her eyes and he look at her worriedly as she continues. “Luhan, Sehun got into an accident. They said his condition was critical when they took him to Asan Medical Center.”

 

Silence reigns over the occupants of the room and Luhan has never felt more stumped in his whole life than he did at that moment. He struggles to take in the information for a minute or two and when he finally does take it in Luhan reacts first and is out of the door in an instant, muted shouts of his name raining behind his back.

 

The drive from the venue and towards the hospital does not take too long and Luhan soon finds himself entering the huge structure that is Asan. He moves quickly, asking directions and information from the nurses’ desk who instructs him on how to locate the emergency room which was on the second floor of the hospital. He obviously scared but the only thing Luhan would rather focus on at the moment was the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he pushed the elevator button and waited for the lift to move so he could reach his destination. Immediately, when the doors to the lift had opened, Luhan rush out and tried to locate the emergency room which he found in the east wing of the hospital.

 

Once he’s reached the emergency room, there was an obvious halt in Luhan’s steps because standing right in front of him weren’t only the parents of Sehun but also Joohyun who had blood splattered all over her blue dress. When their eyes met, she seemed to be as shock as he was, her tear stained eyes growing wider in surprise before she avoided Luhan’s questioning gaze. And even when Luhan wanted to question her right there and then, his movement towards her was stopped by Sehun’s mother who embraced him tightly and started sobbing against his chest. So many words laid unspoken at the tip of Luhan’s tongue but he chose to comfort his best friend’s mother first knowing pretty well that she’s the one who’s scared the most right now.

 

He guides her towards one of the vacant chairs near Joohyun and the four of them, together with Sehun’s father, patiently wait for the operation to end. Three hours passes soon enough and Sehun’s mom had fallen asleep on her husband’s shoulder most probably because of the exhaustion her crying did to her body. Even Joohyun who was standing for almost an hour was now taking refuge on the seat farthest from Sehun’s parents as she stared blankly on the wall opposite her. Luhan stares at her curiously, ignoring the oncoming headache that’s slowly blooming from all the confusion that’s surrounding him.

 

Luhan always believed that there is a reason for things to happen the way they do. But seating there in the hallway of a hospital and waiting to know what kind of fate awaits his best friend, seemed to make Luhan believe the opposite and that life happens simply because we have no control of it. His mind runs through a thousand scenarios on what had happened for Sehun to be where he is now but a look at Joohyun makes his stomach sweep down and leaves his head in a jumbled mess. They must have planned to run away at the last minute, Luhan concludes. And although he felt relieved hours prior that the wedding was canceled, there’s an ugly feeling lurking inside him now that he realized why it was canceled. He tries to crush it however and tries to convince himself that he’s mad not because he was blindsided once again but because Sehun is an irrational idiot and needs to fight for his life now.

 

When it takes another hour for the red light of the emergency room to turn off, Luhan does his best not to imagine the worst case scenario even when his gut feeling says Sehun must have taken quite an impact to be treated for so long. Once they hear movement from behind the emergency room’s door, Luhan with Sehun’s parents, and Joohyun stands up to meet the doctor who greets them tersely. There are signs of fatigue all over his face but the doctor maintains his professionalism and immediately asks for Sehun’s family who moves forward to talk to him and the results of the operation.

 

“We’ve lost him,” The doctor begins and Luhan’s body feels number than it ever did before. “However we were also able to revive him. It happened three times during the operation so it’s really a miracle that his vitals are more stabilized now.”

 

“How much damage did he receive?” Sehun’s father asks fearfully seeing that his wife is unable to speak beside him due to distress, “How long will it take for him to recover?”

 

“I’m afraid there’s an indefinite amount of time for his recovery.” Says the doctor. Not sugar coating anything but still trying not to sound too harsh, “The impact of the trailer truck colliding with his car was strong and it was his upper body that took most of the injury. We did our best to save him but there is only so much we could do. I apologize but he is now in the ICU and is currently in a coma.”

 

There’s a shift in the air as those words leave the doctor’s mouth and a part of Luhan’s world crumbles just as much as the three other people around him, more so, for Sehun’s parents. He watches as Joohyun almost falls into her knees in time with Sehun’s mother turning around and catching her just to place a furious slap on her face. Joohyun does not react and simply accepts it, unable to look at Sehun’s parents in shame of whatever she had done. He can see the anger pooling in the eyes of Sehun’s mother but she simply walks away and heads toward the ICU followed by her husband, after giving Joohyun a silent threat with her eyes.

 

Luhan stares at the aftermath of the mess that had occurred and apologizes to the doctor who had seen everything unfold. He then walks toward Joohyun and gently guides her towards one of the chairs in the empty hallway. Her hands are cold and caked with bits of blood just like her dress is, she stills beside Luhan and avoids his gaze just as much as she did with Sehun’s parents. She is a nervous wreck, that much Luhan could tell and he decides to comfort her a little by taking her hands into his once again but she only pulls it away and avoids his eyes.

 

“Joohyun, what happened?” Luhan asks, not skirting around the subject any longer. He cups Joohyun face gently to look at her reaction but she simply keeps her lips shut, eyes glassy as she focuses on anything but Luhan.

 

“You have to talk to me so I could understand what’s happening and help you. Joohyun, please speak.” Luhan places his hands on Joohyun’s shoulders this time before staring at her directly, “You were about to run away with Sehun, weren’t you?”

 

Like a criminal caught in the act, guilt and fear decorates Joohyun’s features, “I’m so sorry,” she cries, “This is all my fault. It’s all on me. Please don’t be mad at Sehun. You can blame me oppa. I’m so sorry.” She’s now kneeling in front of Luhan, gripping his hands tightly as she begs for his forgiveness. If Luhan had feelings of anger and irrationality earlier, seeing his friend kneeling in front of him and probably in a more difficult emotional state than he’s currently in soften his heart. He immediately pulls Joohyun up hugging her without preamble as sobs endlessly wrack the girl’s body.

 

“I was selfish,” She sobs, “I thought I’d be fine without him but I couldn’t take it. I love him and it was always too easy to find my way back to him. We knew you’d understand it if we run away but destiny was never on our side.”

 

“Joohyun, what happened?”

 

“I was waiting for him, at a café in the city when it happened. The police said the stoplight wasn’t working at that part on the intersection so when Sehun’s car crossed the road, the trailer truck on the other side didn’t notice and slammed into him.” Joohyun’s voice was shaking but she was scared that if she didn’t let it out now, she would die with the guilt seeping at every corner of her bones. “I saw it. I saw the collision because I was seated right by the café’s window so he’d find me quickly. I didn’t know what to think at first but when I realized that the car looked like Sehun’s I ran out immediately. I was so scared to confirm it because my gut instinct was churning so much I wanted to heaved at the sight and smell of the accident.”

 

“But then the smoke from the vehicles began to dissipate and Sehun’s face was the only thing I could see. I was no longer thinking. I ran to him. He was bleeding so much, it looked so bad. And I wanted to get him out but I was afraid to injure him even more.” Joohyun explains leaning a bit away from Luhan, she bows her head, hands still shaking in Luhan’s grasp. “I thought he was dead.”

 

The impact of Joohyun’s last words, more than anything, seems to solidify the situation they were currently in. Under the dim lighting of the hospital’s hallway, Joohyun’s features are filtered to look more like a lost child than a grown woman. Her eyes are red and puffy from excessive crying, head still bowed down in shame and somehow it’s the image of Joohyun in her most vulnerable state that sticks with Luhan the most that day because right in that moment is the encapsulation of all things that were about to change. The gravity of Sehun’s current state is an oppressive weight not only on Joohyun’s shoulders but on Luhan as well as the latter realizes with a start that Joohyun would never be allowed to see Sehun again.

 

It must have been the sadness on his face that gave him away but Joohyun’s grimace just confirms Luhan’s realization which they are both now aware of, “I know his parents won’t ever allow me near him again. But please I just want to see him for the last, please help me.” Joohyun pleads to Luhan, tears slowly building up once again. Luhan nods in agreement and before he could go to visit Sehun, he takes the chance to distract Sehun’s parents so Joohyun could sneak in. He gives her fifteen minutes at most to visit Sehun and when he’s certain that she’s done, he takes his turn to enter the ICU.

 

Once he’s properly dressed for the room, Luhan feels a strong numbness take over him as he watches more than two machines pump life into Sehun’s damaged body. He takes the vacant chair beside the bed, watching his fiance’s chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm before finally looking at his face. There are cuts and bruises on Sehun’s cheeks, and a gauze bandage wrapped tightly around his head as if to physically prove the damage Sehun’s body had to take during the collision.

 

“You’re going to be fine buddy.” Luhan says to Sehun although he’s probably trying to convince himself more than he is doing with the other. He listens to the steady sound of Sehun’s heart fill the corners of the room and fights the way his throat tightens at the thought of almost losing his best friend. Luhan wills himself not to break down and tries to compose his thoughts from the wreck of emotions threatening to overwhelm him.

 

He lets his eyes gloss ever every little detail on Sehun’s face before letting a defeated grimace come out, “wake up soon please,” Luhan whispers ever softly letting go of his best friend’s hand and quickly running out of the room as a choked cry escapes out of his lips.

___________________

 

It’s three weeks later that Sehun finally regains his consciousness.

 

Luhan feels a gentle touch skate the palm of his hand and wakes up to Sehun looking at him, confusion evident in the latter’s eyes. It takes Luhan a few seconds to fully comprehend the situation before a startled gasp comes out of his mouth and he immediately presses the emergency button on top of Sehun’s bed to call for the aid of the nurses. He grips Sehun’s hand firmly but gently this time, telling him to wait for a second before nurses came rushing inside his room.

 

Immediately, the nurses check and fuss over Sehun making sure and confirming that his condition is stable before slowly pulling up his oxygen mask so he would be able to drink water. Feeling as if he has not tasted water for the past years of his life, Sehun greedily sips from the glass that one of the nurse assists him with. It’s after two glasses of water that Sehun feels his discomfort ease a little and his throat less scratchy than it had been when he first woke up and realized he was confined in the hospital. He’s not sure why but it feels as if his movements are a bit too sluggish than normal and he tries to open his mouth to ask Luhan or one of the nurses why he felt the way he did only to find out how much of a struggle speaking actually is.

 

He tries a few more times but the most successful thing he’s done so far was to simply produced a sound similar to a grunt and Sehun has never felt more loss in his life, it doesn’t help that his whole body is numb and heavy beyond control as well. “Welcome back buddy,” Luhan says as if to distract Sehun from his current predicament. He’s been watching the Sehun from the moment the latter woke up until when he started struggling to speak to him and Luhan knew he’s heart never felt more broken than it did right at that moment so he started to talk instead hoping Sehun wouldn’t focus much on his current condition.

 

But there is never an easy way of breaking a bad news to someone. Once the nurses filter out of the room, Luhan goes back to his chair beside Sehun’s bed and takes his best friend’s hand into his. “You’ve been out for three weeks,” Luhan tries to steady his voice as he looks at Sehun in the eye, already fearing the complicated part of the situation. “There’s been an accident. You crashed into a truck and went into comatose. Your body took a lot of damage Sehun-ah and I know this is not something you should be hearing since you just woke up but you know I have always been honest with you and that’s why I’m telling you that your body is suffering a trauma reaction.”

 

It is obvious in the way Sehun’s eyes flicker back and forth that he cannot comprehend much of what Luhan is saying so the smaller male goes straight to the point but not without showing his support by rubbing Sehun’s hands, “I’m so sorry Hun-ah but you’re paralyzed as an effect of the accident. You’d have to take physical therapy to gain back your senses.” If Sehun had the ability to move his body, Luhan was certain that the male would have flipped and broken everything at the sound of the awful news. But as it is and with Sehun’s condition restricting even miniscule movements such as speaking, Luhan is left to watch as the glimmer of hope dims from his best friend’s eyes the same time his heart monitor rings from excessive and erratic activity of the heart.

 

There is only one nurse that enters the room this time as if already expecting the alert from Sehun’s room. His name is Junmyeon and Luhan almost cries upon seeing the blonde male, having befriended the nurse the past week after bumping into him often whenever he visits Sehun, he’s never been more grateful to see him now. He opens one of the drawers near Sehun’s bed and takes a syringe which he fills with a blue liquid before injecting it in Sehun’s IV fluid. The effect is fast and in only a few seconds, Sehun is once again blissfully unconscious to the world. “He’s going to be fine. You did well Luhan.” Junmyeon says to him with a comforting smile but Luhan could simply nod, still a little bit shaken from the earlier situation.

 

When Junmyeon leaves, Luhan returns his gaze back to Sehun whose chest is back to its normal rise and fall. It’s only been a few minutes since the commotion happened but Luhan feels like it’s been days with the fatigue overwhelming him as the adrenaline from talking to Sehun eases down from his nerves. He has half the mind to go back to sleep just to ease his nerves a little but remembers that he needed to alert Sehun’s parents and his family that his best friend’s finally awake. So he stands up from his place beside Sehun’s bed to call their parents but not before leaving a gentle kiss on his best friend’s forehead.

 

\------------------

 

It is around the time when the sun had just set that Sehun regains his consciousness. When he opens his eyes, vision blurry from being asleep, he slowly recognizes the figure of his mom whose voice sounds suspiciously raspy. It must have been from crying, he concludes as if the redness of her eyes were enough confirmation. There’s a ringing silence in his room that goes on for a few seconds as he registers the faces of the people around him and when his mother finally asks him if his alright, Luhan’s words earlier come back to him with full force as he is unable to form words from his mouth.

 

His mother looks at him worriedly for a second, obviously confused at the only sound he’s managed to make which a grunt before realization dawns on her as well and she cries. “Oh sweetie,” her hands are probably holding his own too tight but Sehun could only feel the cold numbness seeping into his bones, “I’m so sorry, I forgot. The doctor told us your results a few days ago and oh dear, I’m so sorry. We’ll make sure you get better, okay?” Sehun hears his mother say and if there is anything her words does, it is only to soothe Sehun’s worries by a little because the feeling of fear is heavier than anything, his mother’s words a painful confirmation of the truth.

 

Sehun knows his father and Luhan’s parents are also with his mother, seeing everything about his pitiful condition unfold in front of their very eyes. He badly wants to get mad, to tell them to leave him the fuck alone and blame them a little even when he knows this is his entire fault. But looking at his sorry state, he concludes he’s too useless to even to glare at them and when he finally notices Luhan, silently standing and hidden in a corner a range of emotion encompasses him but it’s mostly guilt that keeps his eyes glued onto his best friend’s figure.

 

His and Luhan’s parents continuously talk to him although they know he could not answer and there’s only much comfort that he could get from repetitive but empty assurances. So he tries to show his alright although he’s probably fantastically failing at it and when his mother finally notices that his attention is not on them, she signals them to leave after leaving him a soft peck on his cheeks.

 

And just like when he woke up, it is now only him and Luhan inside the room, the latter of the two still as silent as he was since Sehun woke up. Sehun gulps and even when he knows he isn’t capable of forming something coherent, he was sure enough that a grunt would earn Luhan’s attention. Just as he predicted Luhan turns to stare at him, having move to the chair near Sehun’s bed, Luhan’s voice does not need to be loud enough for Sehun to hear him. “Do you need anything?” Luhan asks and groans when he realizes his mistakes, Sehun wants to bitterly laugh at the dark humor of the things happening around him but he is still far too sluggish and not to mention incapable of actually moving his body to even produce a proper chuckle.

 

But Luhan moves closer to him this time, watches the way he stares at him before a sigh comes out of his lips and he gives Sehun a sad smile. “Joohyun visited you earlier,” Luhan speaks softly, words a little too careful as if afraid to spark an alarming reaction from Sehun similar to when he first woke up, “Your parents had banned her from coming near you since the accident but I’ve found ways to make sure she could visit you. So don’t you worry okay?”

 

When Luhan reaches for Sehun’s hand to reassure him the latter’s hand is shaking and rather than actually knowing it, Sehun feels himself crying when Luhan begins to wipe the tears on his cheeks. He feels so angry, so clueless on how Luhan could be so nice even after all this chaos and shit he had to put him through. Sehun wants to push him away but at the same time feels entirely hypocritical for wanting his best friend’s comforting warmth to remain beside him even when he’s the last person who deserves his kindness. It takes some time for Sehun to calm down but even then the only thing he feels is the weakness permeating the very core of his body and the constant numbness covering every fiber of his being. He wants to talk to Luhan but his body says otherwise and the only thing he remembers is falling asleep to his best friend’s lullaby.

 

Sehun spends the following days still lying on his bed as the doctors monitor his condition and tell him that he is well enough to start his physical therapy the coming week. Throughout this, his parents and Luhan continues to look after him while they’re friends drop by at random times per day. It’s been some time since Sehun regained his consciousness but even with the combined efforts of cheering him up by their friends and the constant encouragements made by his family and Luhan, Sehun’s bitterness and anger towards the state his in does not subside a bit. He wakes up every day with a sour mood, filled with fury and guilt and discontentment to the point that he thinks he’s better rotting somewhere far away or just dead.

 

This continues on, Sehun hating himself even more each day but the morning of Saturday, when he sluggishly wakes up to pinkish lips curled into a beautiful smile and eyes filled with unshed tears Sehun can’t help the seedling of hope that somehow sprouts in his chest. Joohyun is real, no longer just a far off dream, she’s real and solid and holding his hands tightly. Sehun thinks she looks even more beautiful than the last time they saw each other, and he wants to nothing more than to kiss her even when he is fully aware he can’t.

 

“I miss you.” Is the first thing that Joohyun says and Sehun badly wants to speak, prays for a miracle just so he could say it back to her and tell her how much he yearns for her but all that leaves his lips is a gasp as he looks at her helplessly.

 

“It’s okay, I know, I know.” She says fixing his hair that has grown slightly longer since the accident. She is absolutely ethereal even when there are tears falling from her eyes and when she touches his cheek as they stare at each other, Sehun can’t help the tiny sob that escapes his mouth. If only he could, Sehun would have hugged her from the moment he saw her but any sort of connection was alright for him right now as long as he knew she was there and that she was indeed really with him at that moment.

 

They simply look at each other for a few more minutes, Joohyun’s touch a testament to the worry and longing she had felt for those days that she had seen Sehun conscious and well. Sehun tries to tell her all the apologies he needs to make through his eyes and he is once again reminded why he loves her so much when she nods her head and tells him that she understands, that he does not need to make any apologies for his inexistent mistake.

 

“I’m so glad to see you’re awake and alive,” Joohyun begins to speak once again, voice a little raw and shaky from crying. “I thought, no, I was so afraid that my last memory of you will be of you dying and it still scares me. It scares me every single time to think of how close you were to dying.” If Sehun could move his body, he would have stroked her softly on the cheek and tuck her against his chest to comfort her like he always did when she told him of all the things that made her cry and anxious and uncertain. But since he could not move, Sehun was left to watch how slowly the cracks and traces of vulnerability showed up in Joohyun from the way she moved and the way her eyes flickered.

 

It’s the darkness in her laughter that brings Sehun out from the daze he’s caught himself in by looking at her eyes, “I know that you’re aware that me being here is practically illegal right now,” Sehun gazes at Joohyun curiously, “Your parents really made sure I would not be seeing you again Sehun. They placed a restricting order against me in the court and...” Joohyun’s voice is so tiny, so unsure, so defeated, “and this is probably the last time I’m seeing you. I’m moving to another country.”

 

Everything must be one huge nightmare Sehun thinks to himself as he feels the air get knocked out of him from Joohyun’s statement. He feels a jolt from the inside of his skin but he still isn’t able to move, the only thing he’s capable of is to stare at Joohyun as if begging her to take back the words she say. But her eyes are so, so sad, so desperate in asking him to understand her that the only things he hears at that moment is his erratic breathing caused most probably by the pain in his chest.

 

“I want you to be happy.” Sehun knows how hard it is for Joohyun to say these words, so evident from her pauses and the way her throat seems too tight from pronouncing each syllable. “This is probably the biggest sign that we’re not supposed to be with each other Sehun-ah. I love you I really do but my love almost killed you and even when you tell me not to blame myself, I will forever live with the guilt of almost having you die in my arms if I don’t let you go.”

 

There’s a tightening sensation in Sehun’s chest that he cannot explain and he wants so badly to claw his way out of this reality. Tears are falling from both of their eyes and Joohyun’s lips taste so bittersweet just are when she kisses Sehun one last time before letting go of his hand. It feels so similar to having the final nail hammered into your coffin and Sehun has never felt more dead than he did as he watched Joohyun walked away from him, shoulders shaking from the intensity of her sobs – good things are really not meant to last.

 

\--------------

 

When Sehun begins his physical therapy, it is obvious that he has the determination of a man who has nothing left to hope for. There was a defeated air that surrounded him, masking his every move and making him look as if the weight of the world was upon his shoulders. Luhan knows the reason why, remembers the night Joohyun had not look back to say goodbye, finally leaving Sehun. Indeed, love was both a wicked and beautiful thing and Luhan had witnessed how it turned Sehun’s once bright eyes into an abyss of darkness that seem to swirl endlessly into a never ending emptiness. But Sehun was so much more than that – he was a man of determination, of strength, and unwavering belief and yet not a trace of these characteristics were to be seen in the way Sehun currently held himself with so little life and love for himself.

 

It has been more than a week but Sehun has not made a single progress as if that was his intention all along. When he was moved to start walking, he never responded and merely leaned against his therapist who was supporting his whole body weight instead of just assisting him. He did not interact with his speech therapist either and when he was brought back to his room, the only thing he ends up doing is either to stare at the ceiling of the room or sleep.

 

By the third week, and still with no progress, the strain and hopelessness began to show not only on his trainers’ faces but also his family. Sehun’s family had always been positive regarding his recovery but even Luhan could see the effects of Sehun’s lack of cooperation to the way they believed things would turn out. Every time he would visit, Sehun’s parents slowly begin to look more and more hopeless.

 

So Luhan decided right there and then that he would take it upon himself to help Sehun with his recovery. Even with the awkwardness and the distance that had lodged themselves in between their relationship, Luhan was determined to bring back Sehun into his old self even if his best friend ends up hating him.

 

With a plan constructed in his head, Luhan took time to rearrange his schedule in the university and volunteered himself to Sehun’s parents as Sehun’s caretaker which they gladly accepted. However, the hard part of the plan was getting Sehun to interact with him or even spare him a glance. He’s been with him for almost three days but not once did the latter pay attention to him even when he tried to talk to him.

 

“This is getting ridiculous,” Luhan angrily mutters one day, his foul mood from finishing a stressful class increasing after having to deal with an unresponsive Sehun. He stares at Sehun who still refuses to look at him in the eye and gives him a piece of his mind. “Are you really going to give yourself up like this Sehun?” Luhan asks him tiredly as he gazes into the other’s soulless eyes. “I know you fought to be alive but what is the purpose of living if you would not even give it a try? You’re as good as dead and you can’t even chase after Joohyun because you are too weak to do so. How long are you going to be like this?”

 

When Sehun glares at him, Luhan considers himself successful enough. He gives out a long sigh and continues to wipe the other male’s arm when he feels a shift as if the latter is trying to pull his arm out of Luhan’s reach. Luhan stares at him shocked before pointedly staring at Sehun as if trying to challenge him to move his arm out of Luhan’s grip which he didn’t really succeeded in doing. But Luhan’s laughter rings out of the otherwise silent room while Sehun remains stoic, eyes clearly not amused by the other’s antic.

 

“You’re always so easy to provoke Sehun.” Luhan says with a grin but the gleam in his eyes softens when he pokes Sehun’s chest a little. “If it means you’re going to be angry enough to move when I say bad things, I’ll do it and provoke you every day. You have to stop this pity party Sehun because you won’t gain anything back by laying lifelessly on that bed. You have to live again and no one else would make that possible if not you.”

 

It seems that Luhan had succeeded a little in convincing Sehun to take the therapy seriously when he comes to Sehun’s room the next day and sees the male being attentive as the speech therapist instructs him `about the exercises he could do to gain his speaking ability back. The next few weeks, Sehun is a bit easier to deal with. He has become less angry, less opposed to the things his physician instructs him to do and he also has adapted well to therapy.

 

Meanwhile, Luhan stays by the sidelines, content on watching the progress his best friend undergoes each day. It’s not like he no longer shows himself but he mostly visits Sehun when the other male is peacefully asleep and unable to direct spiteful glances towards him. Luhan really isn’t sure how they have reached this far, he thought it was Sehun that was fine with the fixed marriage because he was insistent on having it pushed through. But now, considering the state they are all in it seems that Sehun was the one who actually despised the idea the most.

 

Luhan tries to entertain the different prospects of being able to call off his engagement with Sehun but he thinks the one that appeals to him the most is the possibility of having his best friend back. However when he comes out of Sehun’s hospital room that night, those prospects are crushed in plain sight when he sees Sehun’s mother waiting for him.

 

She speaks to him, gentle tone echoing in volumes inside his head as she tells him they would need to go through with the engagement once Sehun is able to speak and regain control of his upper body because some of their companies’ investors are threatening to pull out. The physician attending to Sehun said it will only take four more months for him to recuperate and Luhan should be ready by then, Sehun’s mother informs him and because Luhan has no other choice but to agree, he goes home that night with a new burden hanging on his shoulders.

 

_________

 

“Get out.” It’s been three weeks since Luhan last visited Sehun due to all the school works he had to catch up on. He immediately stops on his tracks, stupefied after realizing that there is no one else in Sehun’s room but him. The smaller male ends up staring at his best friend before grinning widely.

 

“Auntie was right, you can speak again!” Although the smile on his face is not reciprocated, Luhan eagerly rushes towards the hospital bed to speak to the former. He giddily looks at Sehun but the male merely scowls towards his way.

 

“I said get out.” Sehun is the least bit warm when he talks, words still a bit slurred but intelligible enough. Luhan pouts at him, trying to bear with the cold treatment the latter is still trying to put him in by choosing to remain stubborn and occupying the empty seat beside the taller male’s bed. He starts to talk to Sehun, telling him all about how his past days went but Sehun responds turning his head from him and choosing to ignore his presence.

 

Luhan feels his resolve break at the other’s actions and he ends up remaining silent for the rest of his visit.

 

“Leave now.” Almost an hour has pass when Luhan hears Sehun’s voice again and it makes him look up from the book he is reading. In all honesty, Luhan has missed hearing Sehun’s voice so much that he could feel tears prickling in his eyes because of happiness despite the Sehun’s choice of words. He waits for Sehun to continue while he absently flicks through the contents of his book and his heart lurches at the next words that come out from the other male’s mouth. “I hate you.”

 

Hate is such a deep word, connotations of anger and distrust swirling and cutting like a sharp, sharp knife within that single word. Luhan tries to look unaffected but when Sehun’s eyes remain on him for a few more seconds, he begins to gather his things before heading towards the door. He chances a last look at his old best friend and when he sees that the other is no longer acknowledging him, he walks out of the room with heavy footsteps and a heavier heart.

 

\-------------------

 

It takes Luhan another two weeks to gather back his courage and visit Sehun once again after their last encounter.

 

The days passed by in a blink of an eye and Luhan really is not sure if his heart could take seeing Sehun be mad at him but before he could second think, it was already the morning of Saturday and his feet has brought him to the hospital. With uncertain steps, he makes way towards the therapy room, the huge glass window allowing his eyes to immediately locate Sehun who is all by himself and is currently struggling to get up from his wheelchair.

 

Seconds pass with Luhan watching Sehun painfully struggle before he decides to ignore his fear and enter the room to assist the other male. However Sehun does not notice Luhan enter and the former continues trying to move his limbs but the weight of his injuries remain fresh and before Luhan could stop it Sehun is already falling from his chair. His body lands on the cushioned floor with a loud thud and Luhan runs to him in panic, assisting him immediately so he could lean his upper body against Luhan.

 

Sehun grunts, “What are you doing here?”

 

“Helping you obviously.” Luhan grits out, rearranging Sehun’s position so the other would not feel any pain. “And where’s your nurse? Why are you all alone?”

 

“Why do you care? Get out!”

 

Luhan fumes as he tries to steadily hoist Sehun up and back into his wheelchair. Once he succeeds in doing so, he is met with the steady glare of Sehun and he glares back no longer willing to be pushed away. “I care because you’re my best friend do you get it? We’ve been there for each other since we were kids Sehun, I can’t just leave you like this specially not now.”

 

Sehun turns his gaze away from him, “I don’t need you now.”

 

“And I don’t need you too.” Luhan’s anger is different this time, words painted with resignation and an untouchable fury from being constantly dismissed by his best friend. “But I’m staying here not because I want to shove it to your face that I’m capable and better off but because I’m bound by my loyalty to you. Which to me, it looks like you’ve already forgotten. You literally hid the engagement behind my back, guilt me into doing it, just for you to turn your back on me the last moment.”

 

Luhan is standing in front of Sehun, his anger slowly turning into tears but the latter still has not noticed. “And yes I blamed you for the other things at first but when you left me at the altar, that, that’s the one thing I could never hold against you Sehun. Because I know how it feels to fall in love, I know what it’s like to have the person you cherished be stolen from the tips of your fingers. And yet you keep trying to fit me in your narrative where it seems as if I’m out here to ruin your fucking live when in fact you did this to yourself because you don’t trust me enough to confide in me.”

 

Silence is the ultimate ending to Luhan’s words when Sehun refuses to look at him even after all he said. He takes deep breathes, nails digging into his palm as his fingers remained curled from trying to control his anger. “I’m so tired. I’m so tired of this Sehun. I just want my best friend back.” The last words are so defeated, so broken that even Sehun feels Luhan’s heartbreak without looking at him.

 

He listens as Luhan’s unsteady breathing fills the room, allowing the memories from the past months to play over in his head and remind him once again of the things he is at fault for. “Your best friend is dead and I wish I could’ve gone as well. I’m not the same person before Luhan, I did so many things the wrong way.” Sehun chuckles the sound of it gloomy and painful despite the brightness of the day. “Don’t hang onto me. Don’t wait for me to come back when I lost myself a long time ago.”

 

“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

 

“No Luhan.” Sehun suppresses the urge to cry, “I mean everything. And you’re right I did this to myself but you don’t need to see me self-destructing. Besides I’m selfish, and it would’ve made me the happiest if I just died.”

 

Luhan tears flow at Sehun’s insistence and with no lingering hesitation he moves towards Sehun and takes him into his arms. Immediately Sehun finds his head and most of his upper body pressed against Luhan’s torso as the other embraces him, body shaking from every sob he releases. It’s so, so warm, Sehun thinks while Luhan continues to cry, much too warm. It was the first hug he received after everything that has happened and Sehun feels too afraid that he didn’t deserve the warmth and comfort Luhan’s embrace offered. But he couldn’t move away, couldn’t even lift a single finger to push Luhan and so Sehun adds the embrace as another thing he owes the male, another gift he was not worthy of.

 

Sehun allows a tear to escape from his eyes and some more, and for the first time in a while he willingly seeks comfort in the arms that screams familiarity and was once his home.

 

\-------------------

“Good morning Lu!” Jongin greets him a hug as soon as he steps inside Sehun’s room the next day. He returns the hug with a fond smile before walking towards the hospital bed to also greet Sehun and Kyungsoo who is seated on a stool beside the latter while he peels apples for him.

 

 “Good morning to you too Hun and Soo.” Luhan says as he grabs a slice of apple from the bowl Kyungsoo has on his lap causing the small male to frown at him. “That’s for Sehun, get your own.” Kyungsoo says shooing him away and Luhan sheepishly grins in response. Surprisingly, Sehun does not say anything demeaning to him which Luhan thinks could be considered as progress as he moves away to seat beside Jongin on the couch, appreciating the company and the calmness inside the room.

 

Jongin immediately cuddles at Luhan’s side, voice barely above whisper as he speaks, “You got much thinner than the last time we saw you. Are you alright?”

 

“Never been better Jonginnie.” Luhan answers back, feeling warmth from the concern in Jongin’s voice. “I had a talk with Sehun yesterday and I’m crossing my fingers on this but I hope we’ll slowly patch things up.”

 

Jongin smiles at that, nestling himself further beside Luhan to gather heat as the temperature in the room remain cold from the aircondition. “Don’t worry. I believe everything will slowly get better for the both of you.”

 

“I do hope so. Thank you for the support Jongin.” Luhan ruffles his hair before their attention is called by Kyungsoo who is already feeding Sehun with apples.

 

“What are the two of you whispering about in there? Are you planning world domination?”

 

Jongin’s laughter is loud when Kyungsoo finishes his sentence. He quickly stands up, walking towards Kyungsoo before pinching the latter’s cheeks. “Is my baby boy jealous, is he?” Jongin teases Kyungsoo and he ends up receiving a hard pinch from the smaller male who stares at him with a barely amused gaze.  

 

It is Luhan’s turn to cackle loudly at the situation and he watches, entertained as Jongin tries to placate his disinterested lover. He continues laughing at Jongin’s failed efforts and only stops when he meets Sehun’s gaze. He did not realize it at first but it seems like the other male had been looking at him for quite some time now and so he tries to muster a smile for him, his heart soaring when he receives a nod from the other while Kyungsoo and Jongin remain oblivious of the exchange.

 

And somehow that simple act from the other made Luhan feel like the sun was finally beginning to shine.

 

___________________

 

 

From that day on, Luhan begins dropping by at the hospital everyday again. Even when Sehun barely says a word to him, he stays with the latter on his free time reading him books and sharing anecdotes about how he spent his days at home or at the university. Surprisingly, it seemed like Sehun look most excited to listen to how university was going for Luhan so even when the taller male does not say so, Luhan tries his best to talk more and more about school realizing that Sehun might be missing it already.

 

In addition to that, Luhan also becomes a witness to Sehun’s improvements as the other begins to gain back his motor skills. Day by day the physical therapy is proving to be successful with its implementation and the activities incorporated in it are somehow gradually aiding Sehun to slowly gain back his capability with moving his upper body again. Knowing that at least three hours of Sehun’s day is dedicated to rehabilitation, Luhan sees just how much his best friend has progressed when he looks after him one day during therapy and sees that the other male is already able to move both his arms.

 

“This calls for a celebration!” Luhan cheerfully exclaims as he moves in front of Sehun, taking the other’s hand into his. “You’ve done so well!”

 

“You’re overreacting. I’ve been doing this since the other day.” Sehun huffs but the hint of pink that spreads across his cheeks shows his quite happy of his accomplishment and maybe Luhan’s compliment as well. “And let me go, you’re squeezing my hands too much.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Luhan squeaks, immediately releasing Sehun from his hold. He then proceeds to plop himself down on the cushioned floor just as the nurse assisting Sehun leaves the room to give him a break. “Do you want anything? Food maybe? I could call someone to deliver pizza for us.”

 

Sehun frowns, “That’s not allowed here.”

 

“I could just sneak it in? Besides we need to celebrate your achievement you know.”

 

“Well whatever, do what you want to do.”

 

Luhan grins at that pulling out his phone instantly to call their driver so he could bring them pizza. Once he is done with the call, Luhan looks back up at Sehun who is currently caught up in his own world. Seated at his wheelchair there is obvious fascination in Sehun’s eyes as he moves his arms again, closing and opening his fingers at the same time and smiling widely when he is able to do so. The light inside the room does no justice in highlighting the happiness that appears on Sehun’s face and Luhan continues to stare silently, a smile appearing on his face as well as he feels a strong surge of affection for the male in front of him.

 

Quite some time had passed since he last saw Sehun look that happy and Luhan could not help the way his insides flutter at the way the former’s smile brightens up the whole room. And with Sehun continuously getting better and Luhan receiving actual responses from him more than the usual, it definitely was one of the better days for them both. They stay like that for quite some time allowing the minutes to tick by in quiet calm and the reassuring comfort of having each other’s company.

 

“You know,” Sehun is the first to break the silence this time and it’s so unusual it makes Luhan nervous all of a sudden, “I heard about the wedding. I mean I know we’re pushing it through.” the recovering male says, hands already placed back on his lap after feeling the soreness in his arms from too much exertion that day. He stares down at Luhan with an unreadable expression and it makes the latter fear his next statement even more.

 

“Are you mad?” Luhan asks, already gripping the edges of his shirt tightly to keep his emotions in check.

 

“No, not really.” There is trepidation crawling through Luhan’s skin even when Sehun has barely said a few words. “I just wanted to talk to you about it. Don’t look at me like that, I’m not mad but I’m not fine with it either. And I’m telling you the truth now. I might not be alright with it for a long time but I will do it because I have to.”

 

Luhan looks back at Sehun with sad eyes, “I could always go away. Maybe it’d change their mind if I disappeared.”

 

“You’re not doing any of us a favor by running away.” Sehun grimaces, “You saw what happened to me. I think that was a huge enough sign that we shouldn’t try to escape whatever this arrangement is. Besides if we’re going to be tied together I think we should talk about this now and get it over with.”

 

“I know you’re not happy with this arranged marriage, I feel the same. I would’ve done anything to get our freedom back but maybe you’re right. Maybe we’re not meant to be really free.” Luhan does not allow himself to relax, the nervousness and fight yet to drain out his body. “But what do you want to happen?”

 

“I just want us to be civil with each other, and I want to apologize.” Sehun says and Luhan could see how difficult it is for the other male to bare his thoughts like this to the former after a long time of trying to keep it all to his self. “I know how much you’ve suffered because of me for the past few months. I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry for that and every other awful thing I’ve done. You always outdid yourself in being my best friend, I think it’s time I start playing the part again as well.”

 

Luhan stares at Sehun sadly, “You don’t have to force yourself to be my best friend Sehun. I’m here because I want to, and because I also feel sorry for all the hurtful things I’ve said to you.”

 

“I’m not forcing myself to be your best friend Luhan.” Sehun’s features turn gentle as he looks at Luhan straight in the eye, “I was your best friend and I will be once again because that’s the only thing I could give you. We can get married and do everything married couples do but I want you to know as early as now that I could only ever see you as my best friend not my other half. And I will always be sorry for that.”

 

“I’m fine with that.” Luhan releases a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding, “We’re best friends first before anything else. And I believe I share the same sentiments with you, I’m sorry I couldn’t be your other half Sehun.” the doe eyed male reaches out to the other male just as he finishes his sentence. Fortunately Sehun does not reject him, allowing Luhan to tangle their fingers together as they find comfort from each other’s warmth.

 

And Luhan does know it yet but soon enough, he’ll remember that moment as his first ever heartbreak.

 

\-------------

 

True to the words of Sehun’s mother, the preparations for their wedding begin sooner than expected and  less than a month after Sehun’s physician had already given them a go because of his remarkable progress, Luhan and Sehun was being groomed to push through with their marriage.

 

Planned by Luhan’s mother, the event was set to be held on a Sunday at a secluded villa owned by the Oh’s in the island of Jeju. Compared to the first time it was supposed to happen, this time the ceremony for the wedding of both heirs was designed to be much more private and exclusive only for their closest business partners and family friends. So Luhan is the least surprised when he finds himself escorted by both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo to a rest house in Jeju the day before his wedding with Sehun.

 

“If you’re wondering why we’re here, well we wanted to be there for you before your special day. So we took this opportunity when your mother asked for it as a favor.” Baekhyun explains, pressing the passcode into the house’s door before walking inside once it’s finally open. Kyungsoo and Luhan trail after him, the three males collectively releasing a relieved sigh as they place their duffle bags on the wooden coffee table in front of the huge u-shaped couch conveniently placed on the center of the living room of the minimalistic rest house.

 

Luhan immediately occupied the middle before he turns towards his right to look at Baekhyun with a grateful smile, “I know Baek. You didn’t have to explain yourself. I’m just glad I have you guys with me right now. And I supposed Jongin and Yeol are with Sehun?”

 

“Yeah,” it’s Kyungsoo that speaks this time while typing lazily into his phone, “They left earlier though. I think they’ve been here since this morning, quality dude time Jongin said.” Baekhyun snorts at Kyungsoo’s statement and Luhan ends up chuckling as well, a fond look crossing his face after he imagines how happy the three males must be right at the moment.

 

“How has Sehun been?” Baekhyun asks out of the blue, now looking at Luhan with a gentle smile.

 

Luhan shrugs, “He’s been okay as far as I know. The last I’ve seen of him was last week when he was discharged from the hospital so he could prepare for the wedding.”

 

“Is he recovering well?” Kyungsoo questions as well, curious and concerned, “Jongin and I haven’t been able to visit him as much too. But I’ve heard he could move his upper body now.”

 

“You heard right.” Luhan smiles this time, leaning his head sideways on the top part of the couch, “It’s been a difficult process for him but he’s doing so well with rehabilitation and he’s been responsive to the therapy they’ve been putting him through.”

 

Kyungsoo smiles in relief, “that’s good. That’s really good to hear Han. And I supposed you’ve patched up things with him as well?”

 

“We’re back to being best friends I guess?”

 

Baekhyun looks at him with uncertainty, “You guess?”

 

“I mean I don’t know, where on good terms I guess? We’re no longer fighting and I think he no longer hates my guts so we’re probably okay.” Luhan explains while both his Kyungsoo and Baekhyun eye him warily.

 

“What did he say about the marriage? I supposed you’ve talked about it?” Kyungsoo prods some more and Luhan nods in affirmation.

 

“We’ve worked it out,” the doe eyed male begins, picking his words carefully, “We’ve talked about it and we decided we’re alright this time.” Luhan’s answer is cryptic at its finest but he finds that he does not really want to share every detail of his conversation with Sehun when every word that has been spoken that time were too personal, each syllable lingering with raw emotions meant to be shared only between them two.

 

Already understanding him,   Baekhyun and Kyungsoo merely allows Luhan’s last sentence to be washed away by the quiet that soon blankets the room. They basked at the serenity of the moment before Baekhyun stands up grinning mischievously at Luhan. “Since it’s your last night as a single man, what about we spend it drinking all the liquor in this house?”

 

“You’d die of alcohol poisoning before you even finish half of my father’s wine collection.” Kyungsoo gets up from his position on the couch as well before pulling both Luhan and Baekhyun with him towards the kitchen instead. “Here’s a better idea. Why don’t we bake something and give it to the other guys tomorrow. Also how does paella sounds like for dinner?”

 

Luhan grins at that, “Sounds wonderfully fine to me. What about you Byun?”

 

“Let’s start cooking.” Baekhyun grins and so the three males end up spending their night at the kitchen, baking, cooking, and talking about everything and nothing.

 

\--------------------

 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jongin smiles at Sehun as he places a cup of coffee in front of him. Chanyeol enters the front porch next, a plate filled with toasted bread and a serving of omelet balance on both his hands.

 

Sehun responds with a resigned look in his eyes, “I’m just thinking about today.”

 

“Are you worried about the wedding?” Chanyeol asks once he’s seated beside Jongin around the circular coffee table. “Or is there something else on your mind?”

 

Sehun does not answer immediately choosing to sip on his coffee instead while staring at the waves that gently lapped the shore as the sun paints the sky yellow. Compared to yesterday, breakfast was a far calmer affair for the three males considering how they spent day before goofing around once they settled inside the vacation house owned by Sehun’s parents. It was one of the smaller houses owned by his family, an extension of the villa where his wedding was to be held, but it was filled with so many memories of summers spent with a young Luhan that Sehun knew he was bound to think of him sooner or later.

 

“I was thinking about Luhan actually.” he turns his head to look at Chanyeol, “That kid deserves to be married to someone better than me, don’t you guys think?”

 

“Oh no, we’re not going towards that direction.” Chanyeol chastises Sehun with a pointed look. “Don’t blame yourself for something you have no control of alright?”

 

Jongin speaks up agreeing with Chanyeol, “He’s right. You and Luhan didn’t even get to have a say regarding this whole fiasco so I suggest you stop thinking negative thoughts right now.”

 

“I can’t help it.” Sehun says so softly, it’s almost like a whisper. “I can’t help but feel like I’m the reason Luhan’s life is as shitty as it is now.”

 

“You’re not responsible for anything Sehun.” Chanyeol reaches out to the other, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “The only thing you’re responsible for is your own life, and yes you’ve made decisions which affected Lu in the long run and you can’t take those decisions back. What you can do however is to do better, be better for yourself so your own decisions won’t hurt others next time.”

 

Sehun gnaws on his lips, worry flashing in his eyes, “what if I’ll never become better?”

 

“That possibility is already up to you.” Jongin advices spreading jam on a toast before placing it on Sehun’s plate. “The way your life goes, how things will play out, it’s often in your hands Sehun. Our fate is basically just the accumulation of our decisions big and small. Where we choose to be, how we look at our circumstances this will determine what our life becomes.”

 

“If that was true then why are we getting married against our will? Why do we have to become pawns to our own parents?” Sehun rakes his hair in frustration, “Luhan deserves better than me, than a man in a wheelchair who despises the life he has now.”

 

“Well that’s why I said often because you know we can’t always make decisions and be able to determine their outcomes. Sometimes the unpredictability of our journey shapes our identities and how we grow.” Jongin looks at Sehun with a gentle gaze, “we either become masters of ourselves or slaves to our own choices.”

 

Sehun allows Jongin and Chanyeol’s words to play in his head the entire morning and as the time for the wedding draws nearer, he wears his suit with a heavy heart and the realization that his friends were right – he held his life in his hands but he has also become a slave to the wrong choices he made, and he wanted to turn things around even when the possibility of a bright future seems far from his grasp.


	3. III.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mental break down at 4 am. I'm so emotional and glad since I've finally finished this after so long. I know I could've done better and i apologize for the many medical inaccuracies too but I'm glad with what this story has become. Been trying to upload it for more than half an hour too and this final chapter had stressed me out so much :((()) but still i hope you guys enjoy it and please send me some motivation or even a smiley face would do i just want to to know your thoughts @ me @lumierehun. <3 ps. low quality smut coming through ack

 

 

> _Give your heart and soul to me_  
>  _And life would always be_  
>  _La Vie En Rose_
> 
>  

The first detail that Luhan notices as he waits for his turn to walk down the aisle is how successful his mother was in making their wedding venue look ethereal and dreamlike. The villa of the Oh’s in Jeju was well known for its beautiful design and landscape and Luhan’s mother had use this to her advantage by arranging the venue for both the wedding ceremony and reception within the area. Nestled between the waters of Jeju and its mountains, the two-story villa was perched thirty feet up and looked picture perfect with its stone crusted walls and glass windows.

 

Built to overlook the sea, the second floor of the villa had floor to ceiling glass windows so that the occupants would be able to appreciate the view more while the first floor of the structure housed a very wide patio and is connected to the beach through a staircase made of cobble stone. And right now on that very staircase was Luhan watching as the ceremony flowed smoothly below, a trail of candles decorating his path on the way to the gazebo by the shore where Sehun looked breathtaking as he waited seated on his wheelchair wearing his white tuxedo.

 

The reception was definitely going to be held at the patio later and Luhan has no doubts that the place would look equally amazing if he was to go by the way the beach was decorated. Different flower petals were scattered on the sand the array of colors a pleasant contrast against the white wooden chairs that were prepared for their guest. In addition to that, the gazebo placed at the center of the beach was made completely out of wood as well –purple, green, blue, pink, and brown hues mixing wonderfully as vines and flowers were wrapped around each post up to the top of the gazebo’s roof.

 

Luhan takes this all in losing count of the minutes that had passed before his name is finally being called by the usher and it’s finally his turn to walk. Waiting at the bottom of the stairs is both of his parents who immediately holds his hands and sends him a smile which Luhan does not have the heart to return. He was supposed to be prepared for this already but the thought of marrying someone he was not romantically involved with still caused Luhan to have a hard time processing if everything was real.

 

As his steps grow closer to where Sehun is Luhan feels his heart clenched when their eyes meet and the other’s gaze is just as defeated as his. The sound of the music playing while he walks adds to Luhan’s heartbreak, it was much too soft, a tad bit too beautiful and happy for an event as sad as this. He knows he’s going to get cold feet if he continues thinking too much so Luhan places all his focus on keeping his head up and faking a smile until he finally reaches his groom.

 

The music playing in the background changes and shifts into a more emotional one as his father finally passes his hand onto Sehun’s waiting palm –Luhan looks at the other male with a concerned gaze but when he receives a comforting squeeze in his hand, he realizes it was Sehun’s own way of saying they were going to be alright. As the guests finally settle down, the wedding officiator finally starts the ceremony and both Sehun and Luhan face each other with similar expressions, a sad smile on their faces and endless what ifs filling their hearts.

\--------------------------------------

 

“Auntie went all out huh.” Sehun comments once Luhan is finally seated beside him at the center table. The reception had already began and the guests were beginning to mingle with each others at their villa’s patio, the sunset serving as a beautiful backdrop to the venue as it soothes the imminent grayness of the sky with a splash of crimson red, pink, and purple, the colors blending perfectly to create a serene and calming atmosphere as night comes.

 

Six long mahagony tables were strategically placed on the patio for the guests, each table equipped with rustic gold and white dinnerware and decorated with a vase of baby’s breath and peonies as its center piece while a line of scented candles trailed from the start of the table to its end. Then surrounding the tables were at least fifteen pieces of rose gold marais chairs that have been decorated with garlands made of magnolia leaves and white zinnias plus a white pillow tied to each seat for the guests’ comfort. And as the eve became more apparent the glass lanterns placed on the newly trimmed grass were turned on to brighten the venue as an addition to the dreamlike outdoor canopy made of fairy lights that were suspended like a tent top on the patio.

 

Luhan looks at the scene in front of him appreciating the beauty of the place and the smiles at the faces of the people around him. “Yeah, mom wanted everything to be perfect.” He says in response before staring at Sehun whose gaze remains far away. “Do you want anything?” Luhan asks and Sehun turns to him with a shake of his head, black strands falling messily across the latter’s forehead.

 

Instead of speaking Sehun then proceeds to play with Luhan’s left hand where the wedding ring was snuggly fitted around the latter’s finger. He lets the laughter of the guest and their chatter wash away the silence between them before he looks at the doe eyed male with a genuine expression on his face. “You look good today.”

 

“Uhm, thank you?” Luhan stutters, surprised after hearing Sehun compliment him for the first time in a long while. “You look good too!” the brown haired male adds to his statement before Sehun releases his hand with an acknowledging smile. Changed into simpler clothes the pair arrived at the reception wearing matching black khakis and long cotton sleeves that were both colored in white and had simple boho patterns sewn into it.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Do you know what we’re going to do next?” Since he didn’t want the atmosphere to be awkward between them, Luhan decides to start a small talk when it seems as if Sehun has no words to say next.

 

Sehun shrugs his shoulders, “I have no idea. I’m just waiting for this to end as much as you.”

 

Luhan feigns a chuckle, “Yeah well you’re right,” he presses his lips together before speaking again. “I hope this ends soon as well.”

 

“Sorry that came out wrong,” Luhan watches Sehun pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration as he attempts to amend his earlier statement. “I didn’t mean to say it that way. I just, you know how I feel about this wedding right? I have nothing against you Han. I just can’t bring myself to fully enjoy today despite how beautiful everything seems to be.”

 

“Hey,” the doe eyed male softens at the struggle present on Sehun’s face. “Hey don’t be too hard on yourself. I have your back, I understand you.” Luhan intertwines their hands together and Sehun lets out a breath in relief, grateful and warmed by his best friend’s assurance and words.

 

“How about we asked a dance from the main characters of the night?” The voice of Sehun’s mother takes both of the male’s attention away from their conversation. They direct both their gazes towards her and she sends a motherly smile towards their way. “My son Oh Sehun would you mind taking Luhan into a dance?” She asks and Luhan looks at Sehun in worry, wondering how in the world they were going to dance together considering that Sehun was still in his wheelchair and has yet to recover his lower motor skills.

 

But Sehun merely nods to his mother’s request, fixing his wheelchair so he could begin to move towards the center of the patio. “Let me help you.” Luhan volunteers, taking hold of the handle behind the wheelchair so he could easily push Sehun.

 

“But how are we going to dance?” he whispers worriedly to the other as the guests begin to stare at them and soft music filters into the warm night, the familiar sound of La Vie En Rose surrounding the patio as the band plays.

 

“Sit on my lap.” Sehun instructs him once they reach the center, pulling on Luhan’s wrist and staring as the other’s eyes go wide.

 

“Are you nuts!?” Luhan hisses, “I’m too heavy. Besides that’s embarrassing.”

 

Sehun deadpans a look at him, “Well we have no choice. I can’t stand up or anything. So you’ll have to sit on me.”

 

Luhan furiously blushes at the way the other speaks, “don’t say it that way!”

 

“Everyone’s waiting Han. Come on this won’t take too long.”

 

“Fine, fine!” Luhan angry whispers before gently plopping himself on Sehun’s waiting lap.

 

Sehun smiles at him teasingly, “wasn’t so hard was it?”

 

“Ugh shut up.” the doe eyed male says before he hides his face against the junction between Sehun’s neck and shoulders. He feels the chuckle that Sehun releases as he begins to move the wheelchair, a familiar ease obvious with how smooth and relax the other’s movements are.

 

“Stop breathing heavily. You’re tickling me.” Sehun whispers with a laugh against Luhan’s ears, “we’ll do two turns then we can stop okay?”

 

When he feels Luhan nod against his neck, Sehun starts turning them around as the guests watch with fond smiles on their faces. It looks absolutely ridiculous with Sehun trying to maneuver the both of them, two grown men, seated on a wheelchair but he finds that he does not care as much specially since it’s the first thing he has done today that is out of his own will.

 

He chuckles as Luhan continues to hide his face on his shoulders and as soon as he finishes making two slow turns with his wheelchair, he pauses to take a breath before ruffling his best friend’s hair.

  
  
“Is it over, can I get up now?” Luhan shyly asks, lifting his head from Sehun’s broad shoulders.

  
“Let the music finish first then you can get up. Our parents would probably think it’s disrespectful if we leave in the middle of the song.”

 

Luhan rolls his eyes in resignation, “Alright. Let’s wait for the band to finish.”

 

“My lap’s a cozy place anyway, don’t you think?”

 

“Stop saying stupid stuff.”

 

Luhan had imagined every worst scenario in his head regarding to how this whole day was going to play out however he did never in his wildest dreams did he think he’ll find himself sitting on Sehun’s lap for a dance and playfully bantering with him. For the past months, he has been so accustomed to the other male’s coldness and indifference that he still feels it’s a dream sometimes when Sehun gives him proper responses and talks to him longer than he did before.

 

He looks at Sehun with a fond smile and the latter returns the expression, this time leaning his forehead on Luhan’s chest, “I’ve said a lot of stupid stuff but I’m actually glad you’re still here Han.” Sehun says, voice low enough only for Luhan to hear. “But I promise one day, I’ll give you your freedom back so you could be with the person you love. Please hold on to that it’s the only thing I could give you in return for all the good you’ve done to me.”

 

Luhan remains silent at that, choosing to focus instead on Sehun’s next movement. And when the latter lifts his head, the browns of his eyes seemingly like a deep abyss against the pale moonlight, the doe eyed male thinks he does not need to hold on to Sehun’s promise. Not when after a long time he finally allows himself to feel again, his heart beating far too loud he thinks Sehun would hear it any second now.

 

 _Freedom does not seem too tempting when you’re already by my side._ Luhan thinks of saying but instead he finds himself lifting his pinky finger and reaching out to Sehun, “you promise?”

 

Sehun smiles at him, gentle and warm and soothing all the butterflies in his stomach. “I promise Luhan.”

______________

Marriage life with Sehun was a far cry from how Luhan imagined it to be. The night after the wedding, Sehun’s parents and his surprised them with a penthouse and a car as their wedding gift to the two and from that moment on both males knew they were supposed to live with each other. Having been best friends for the past nineteen years Luhan thought they did not need a long time to adjust to each other especially since after their cold war they had they slowly were able to patch things up. However it seems as if the pain and trauma from the events that occurred during the past months could not simply be erased and Luhan slowly comes to discover with each passing day just how distant he and Sehun had become.

 

Like routine Luhan comes home from school to see Sehun at their living room comfortably seated on his massage chair, feet propped up by the leg support the furniture has. Usually the milky skinned male was either reading a book or scrolling through the various channels they have on their television as a way of relaxation after a tiring day from rehabilitation and today is no exception as Luhan arrives at their penthouse to see his husband engrossed in a crime novel.

 

“Good evening Hun, did you have dinner already?” Luhan asks, placing a small box on the coffee table and removing his bag from his back before he plops his body tiredly onto the couch opposite the other male. “If you did I have some macaroons here you could eat it as a dessert.” He says as he waits for the other male to acknowledge him and his silent peace offerings since they had a misunderstanding a few days ago.

 

Finally noticing Luhan’s presence Sehun lifts his head from the book to look at the latter before slowly removing his reading glasses. “I was waiting for you. Ma visited me during therapy earlier and she brought quite a huge amount of packed food for the both of us since she knows you’re too busy with university to always cook and well I obviously can’t cook either.”

 

“Oh really?” Luhan’s eyes sparkle at Sehun’s statement, eagerly standing up. It seems that Sehun was in good spirits as well even when his last few words sounded like a drag against his current condition. “Is it in the fridge? Give me a few minutes to reheat it then let’s have dinner, shall we?”

 

“Yeah it’s all in the fridge. Joonmyeon helped me fixed it before he left earlier.” Sehun says and Luhan smiles, feeling relieved that he kept in contact with the nurse and now had someone he could trust and is professional enough to look after Sehun while the latter recovers.

 

“I’ll make it quick then.”

 

“And I’ll just be waiting right here.” Sehun responds slowly relaxing back on the couch again and putting his reading glasses on. Luhan walks out of the living room with the box of macaroons in his hand before placing it on the dining table so he could proceed to reheating their dinner for that night. He walks towards the kitchen, opening the fridge to check on the tupperwares and see which of the dishes they could eat for the night.

 

Luhan settles for the beef stew and kimchi as their food for the night, grabbing two packets of instant rice from their cupboard before turning the microwave on and taking turns to reheat both the kimchi and beef stew. Once done with reheating, Luhan places their dinner on the dining table and prepares their utensils after. He then heads back to the living room just to see that Sehun had fallen asleep, the doe eyed male smiles gently shaking the other male awake.

 

“Do you still want to eat or do you want to sleep already?” Luhan asks voice soft and understanding as he speaks.

 

Sehun lets out a yawn as he removes his reading glasses, “I’m alright. Let’s go eat?”

 

“Alright let me assist you.” Luhan says as he carefully adjusts Sehun’s body so he could help transfer him onto the wheelchair left open beside where the former is currently seated.

 

Sehun does not move easily though looking at Luhan first, “Can you do it? I could just have my dinner here if you can’t.”

 

“I’ll be fine, just cooperate with me Hun-ah.” the doe eyed male encourages as he hoists Sehun up from the massage chair before slowly shifting his figure onto the wheelchair. Once his feet is planted on the ground Sehun is able to stand only for a few seconds before his legs give up on him and before they realize it both males are already toppling towards the floor.

 

Immediately Sehun hears Luhan’s grunt as his body falls on top of him, the doe eyed male obviously receiving most of the impact of their fall. “Shit I’m so sorry.” He says in frustration, doing his best to roll his body away so the smaller male could at least recover from the shock of having to bear Sehun’s weight for him.

 

“It’s alright, I’m okay.” Luhan croaks out but Sehun could distinctively hear the pain in his voice.

 

He instinctively frowns, trying to reach out to the other while still laying on the floor. “Does it hurt? I’m so sorry I really am.”

 

“Hey it’s fine. It was just a minor fall.” Answers the doe eyed male as he slowly gets up before assisting Sehun so that the other male was also seated on the floor instead of lying on it. “Let’s go eat okay? I’ll help you up.”

 

Sehun shakes his head, “I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll just sleep.”

 

“Sehun please. Let’s not get into this again. I said I’m alright you don’t have to punish yourself it was an accident.”

 

“It’s not an accident if it happens more than once!” Sehun raises his voice, disappointment obvious in the way he tries to avoid Luhan’s gaze. “What if the next time you try to help me you get your ankles twisted or worst you break your back? What am I going to do then Luhan, say sorry?”

 

Luhan sees anger and fear within Sehun’s expression and he knows immediately that the taller male is releasing all the pent up emotions from their various arguments this past few weeks regarding Sehun’s condition. It all began a few days after they moved in together when Junmyeon was off for the weekend Luhan was left with the responsibility to assist Sehun which he tried his best to fulfill.

 

However it seemed that due to an unfortunate stroke of luck he ended up slipping on the bathroom tiles after easing Sehun into the bathtub which gained him a nasty bruise that took a week to heal.

 

Sehun had apologize during that moment even when he had no fault and so Luhan feeling guilty as well and blaming himself for his own clumsiness tried to be as careful as possible when he helped the other male. He took to asking Junmyeon for strategies and better ways to support Sehun when he moves from one place to another and although he had learned a lot, Luhan could not when a week after while helping Sehun to bed he ends up falling again due to fatigue but thankfully this time they end up against the mattress, the cushion of the master’s bed softening their fall.

 

It was then that their arguments and little misunderstandings began with Sehun more often than not refusing his assistance as much as he can. Yet Luhan being the stubborn man that he is still continues helping his recovering husband and so the latter basically just relented but not without constantly reminding the doe eyed male to be careful or to just ask Junmyeon for help when it became too much.

 

“I’m the one who insisted Sehun. I’m sorry please don’t blame yourself.”

 

“No, you don’t get me Luhan.” Sehun sighs finally meeting the smaller male’s eyes, “I know you meant well but if this continues happening I’d rather have Junmyeon in the house to help me. I don’t know if I’m ever going to get better or gain back my ability to move my legs and I can’t for the life of me, cause you the same pain as well. You’re already stuck in a loveless marriage with me I can’t be a physical burden to you as well.”

 

“Don’t say that. I’ve never seen you as a burden Sehun, and I’m doing all of this because I am your best friend before I was your husband and I want to see you recover.”

 

“Well I’ll gladly do all the recovering by myself if it means I don’t cause injuries to other people.” Sehun says with such finality that it break Luhan’s heart knowing that the latter was pushing him away again. “I’d like to go to sleep so for the last time could you please help me and bring me to our room?”

 

Wordlessly, Luhan assist Sehun in getting up and seating on his wheelchair. Not another conversation occurs between the two and Luhan finally leaves Sehun by himself after tucking him on their shared bed at the master’s bedroom. Surely their dinner had already gone cold from being left a bit too long but Luhan does think much of it, his only worry as of the moment was on how he was going to bridge the gap that seems to widen between him and Sehun with every step he takes closer.

\----------------------

The days succeeding his argument with Sehun made Luhan feel utterly helpless.

 

And it was not like he did not expect Sehun’s silence, Luhan had already felt that the other was going to start ignoring him again however expecting something and actually experiencing still felt like two different things and therefore it left Luhan clueless when it comes to tackling the situation. He could talk to Sehun he suppose but even that proved to be difficult when every night Luhan came home to the boy already asleep or faking sleep because he did want to talk to the doe eyed male.

 

They’re barely two and a half month into their arranged marriage but living together had already begun to prove disastrous and draining. Although they shared a common past and more than that, had been bonded by long years of companionship and friendship, the shift in their dynamics since their inevitable arrangement definitely brought on so many notable changes that until now Luhan was still having a hard time keeping up.

 

As if he did not have enough on his plate, Luhan laid sleepless beside Sehun that night thinking about how he was going to break it to the other male that their parents were coming for a visit on the Saturday which happens to be the upcoming morning and that they needed to at least look remotely okay with each other. He shifts into his side turning his face towards Sehun’s back before releasing an audible sigh just like what he has been doing for the past hour.

 

“Are you going to let me sleep or what?” Sehun speaks out of nowhere that Luhan almost gets a heart attack from the surprise of hearing his voice. “You’ve been turning and twisting for so long I’m starting to think there’s an earthquake here.”

 

It’s the first time Sehun had spoken to him after almost three days of radio silence and Luhan thinks it is ridiculously so Sehun to speak only because he found something annoying. “I’m sorry.” The smaller of the two says slowly inching away already.

 

“Why are you still up anyway?” Sehun grunts body still turned away from Luhan.

 

“It’s nothing.” Luhan dismisses him, “I’m just thinking about some stuff.”

 

“Well that stuff better be important enough to keep you up this late.” mumbles the pale skinned male, before carefully twisting his body so that he was now facing Luhan. He allows the silence to brew between them for more than a few minutes but even in the dark he could still feel the other’s wide eyes curiously looking at him, thousands of questions reflected within those orbs. He makes his decision, “Can we talk?” Sehun tries to sound unbothered but the way he nibbles on his bottom lip gives him away.

 

Luhan pulls the comforter up to his chest, already preparing his self for the worst. “Yeah, what is it?”

 

“This week,” Sehun begins, queasiness filling the gaps in his stomach. “I apologize for what happened this week. I know I’ve been ignoring you continuously and have been acting like a brat because I didn’t want you to strain yourself looking after me. I could have made a better approach I just wasn’t thinking properly.”

 

Luhan is floored by the sudden apology that comes from Sehun that he is unable to respond immediately. He curls on himself, thinking of a proper way to answer without pushing Sehun into reclusion once again.

 

“It’s okay. I think I sort of understand,” he licks his lips, a way to counter the dryness of it and hide his nervousness. “You were looking out for me just as I was looking out for you. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings too.”

 

“You don’t have to say sorry,” Sehun blinks still adjusting his sight to the room’s darkness, “I just, I’ve honestly have been fucking up a lot of things ever since my parents told me about our engagement. And now we’re married but I’m still fucking up big time, it’s like all I ever did is bring misfortune into your life ever since I found out we were going to marry each other.”

 

He isn’t sure what has gotten into him but Sehun finds himself spilling out his thoughts to Luhan. It’s probably a long time coming and maybe the vulnerability that comes at the late hours of the evening also has something to do with it but Sehun decides to finally talk things out and see where it would bring them.

 

The doe eyed male isn’t doing any better instead becoming more unbelieving at Sehun’s sudden display of openness. He tightens the comforter around him the huge and warm material serving as a physical barrier, a protection Luhan would like to think, just in case their conversation turns bitter and hateful like it often did.

 

“You don’t have to blame yourself for anything. I was just as hateful as you in the beginning.” Luhan softly says and he hates how awkward they’ve become, how difficult it is to ease into serious conversations like this when they never had a problem talking about anything and everything before.

 

“But you’re moving forward Han,” Sehun voices out with barely concealed frustration and Luhan wants to reach out to comfort him but he doesn’t, “You’ve been doing your best to help me but all I’ve done is ruin things for you. I really want to become better and I thought I was doing fine until I got mad at you and ignored you. It sucks to be reckless and not have enough control of my emotions and I don’t think you deserve to deal with a person like me for the majority of your life.”

 

There’s a thundering in Luhan’s chest, uneasiness settling his nerves alight, “are you suggesting a divorce?”

 

“What?” Sehun reels back just as surprised with Luhan’s words as the doe eyed male is. “What divorce?”

 

“I thought you’re finally suggesting that we divorce.”

 

Sehun is stunned for a few seconds before he lets out a soft chuckle, “Oh no Han of course not. We’re barely three months into this marriage. I’m pretty sure our parents would have our head on a platter if we divorce now and ruin the image of their companies.”

 

“You’re right.”

“Well, let’s give it a year or two okay? If you really can’t stand me anymore I’ll file the divorce in a year.”

 

“Alright I see,” Luhan responds, a wave of relief washing over him even when the deadline of a year loom like a dark cloud in his head, “What is it then? Why are you finally talking to me now?”

 

“I wanted to know your thoughts. I’ve always been putting myself first and it’s been so long since I was able to understand you. I said I wanted to be your best friend again and yet all I’ve done is get mad at you for being good to me.”

 

Luhan finally relaxes at that letting go of the comforter a bit, “You’re trying Sehun that for me is enough.”

 

“Well I think I’m not trying hard enough if we’re still having problems like this. I really want to recover from my injuries but I don’t want to burden you. I don’t want you having to look out for me and my needs every day or to suffer the consequences of my choices with me.”

 

“It’s inevitable,” there’s a certainty in Luhan’s tone that Sehun had always admired and even now in the midst of the darkness of the room, that certainty seemed to keep the latter on ground. “We’ve always been together since birth right? Best friends, fiancé, enemies, and now each other’s husband, I’m bound to be affected by the choices you make and vice versa. But we’re also two different people Sehun and I don’t want you to think you have to make decisions based on how it would affect me. Make decisions for yourself and not for others because at the end of the day it’s your own life even when sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.”

 

“Help me then,” Sehun earnestly asks and it fills Luhan’s heart to realize that the other was finally letting his guard down around him. “Help me so I can fight for us together. I want you to be able to live the life you deserve, and I want you to be happy with me even when we won’t be together for long.”

 

“You don’t need to ask Sehun, I was always just here to help you.”

 

“God,” Sehun mumbles, deep voice rumbling with appreciation as he reaches out to stroke Luhan’s cheek with his thumb, “I really lucked out on you I guess. Thank you Luhan, thank you for not turning your back on me.” Sehun says trying to keep the tears at bay as he feels warmth blossom within him when the doe eyed male further leans into his touch.

 

He feels Luhan smiling towards him, “We’re going to get through this. We’ll be fine Hunnie.”

 

And for the first time in a long time, Sehun sees the beginning of a shift in his monochrome colored world.

\---------------------------

Changes are made after their talk that night and Junmyeon begins working longer hours for them so he could assist Luhan when it comes to Sehun. Fortunately as well, it seems that Sehun’s pace of recovery had continuously improved as well. Based on the reports Junmyeon has been making in addition to Sehun’s own recounts of his days in the rehabilitation center, Luhan thinks that Sehun’s chances of walking again has largely increased since the last time he saw him for therapy which was a week after their marriage. As for their dynamics things seem to be picking up between them as well when two weeks passes by without them arguing.

 

Sehun had slowly begun to open up to Luhan while the other made sure he did not overwhelm him too much. They’d taken to eating their dinner together once again and watching movies together on the weekend once Luhan was done with his requirements for university. It has been long since both males were this comfortable with each other but after patching thing up they were slowly finding their rhythm and Sehun and Luhan started moving like matching puzzle pieces once again complimenting and suiting each other.

 

“Lu can you please stop tapping the table?” Baekhyun looks at his friend in irritation while continuously typing on his laptop. Luhan stares back with a barely guilty expression, nervous laughter coming out of him as he pulls his hand back and places it on his lap. “What’s got you so antsy anyway?”

 

“Well Sehun messaged me awhile ago.”

 

“And?”

  
“He said he has a surprise for me.” Luhan tries not to look too excited when he says it but the huge smile that decorates his face gives him away instantly and Baekhyun ends up laughing at him.

 

“Then why don’t you go ahead and go home? You look ready to dash out of here.” Leaning back on his seat, Baekhyun gestures towards the door with his hand but Luhan waves him off. The doe eyed male then proceeds to fix his scattered notes on the table before starting to read and write on them again.

 

“He can wait,” luhan smiles mischievously, “I’ll be home soon anyway.”

 

Baekhyun goes back to typing on his laptop as well, “Come on Lu stop fooling yourself, you look excited to get out of here. Just do those readings later you have nothing to lose.”

 

“I’ll finish this then I’ll go.” Luhan insists trying to keep his eyes set on the stacks of paper on their table. He continues writing doing his best not to be deterred by his friend’s gaze that is heavily settled on him only to end up getting distracted when a ringing sound goes off from his phone indicating that he received a message.

 

Baekhyun looks at Luhan with amusement as the latter obviously struggles between picking up his phone to see who the message is from or simply ignoring it. He waits for a few seconds to pass while typing furiously on his laptop before he starts teasing Luhan, “So are you going to look at your phone or not?”

 

“I’m busy,” Luhan responds clipped and feigning the look of being unbothered. Baekhyun sees this as an opportunity and before Luhan knows it, the puppy looking male had grab his phone from the table and was about to open it. “Sehun messaged you!” Baekhyun cheerfully states and Luhan’s eyes widen when he sees the former unlocking his handphone.

 

Luhan reaches out in panic, hastily pulling his phone out of his friend’s grasp. “Baek no! Give me my phone!”

 

“Woah calm down why are you so defensive?”

 

“I’m not! I just want to look at the message first.”

 

Baekhyun latches on to the opportunity like an eager puppy, a huge smile splitting his face. “Hmm, it seems like someone has a little crush on Mr. Oh Sehun here.”

 

“Huh?” Luhan looks back at Baekhyun after checking his phone, trying not to look too happy once he’s read Sehun’s message. “I’m sorry I didn’t hear what you said. Can you repeat it?”

 

“I said it seems like your crushing on your husband.” smiling wickedly, Baekhyun waits for Luhan’s reaction. As expected Luhan's reaction did not disappoint if the blush on his cheeks and the quickly reddening tips of his ears were of any indication.

 

“I’m not crushing on anyone.”

 

“Your blush says otherwise.”

 

Luhan quickly covers his face at that, “Who says I’m blushing? I’m definitely not, you need to get your eyes checked Baek.”

 

“Don’t turn this on me Luhan,” Baekhyun says teasingly with a knowing smile. “What are you so afraid of anyway? I think there’s nothing wrong with admitting you have a crush on Sehun.”

 

“But how did you know? Am I that obvious?”

 

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun shrugs, “I think not really. Maybe I just know you a bit too well."

 

"But no one's supposed to know." Luhan worriedly nibbles on his bottom lip as he looks at his friend. He had always imagined the discovery of his feelings by others to be something sort of an epiphany and yet the casualty in which they were conversing with Baekhyun threw him off.

 

"Stop doing that you'll hurt yourself." Baekhyun scolds as he pinches Luhan's lips together to avoid the other from chewing on it. "As I’ve said earlier, there isn’t anything wrong with your feelings. After all you’re already married to each other.”

 

“Arranged marriage Baek. We’re together because of an arranged marriage.” A tinge of sadness paints Luhan’s tone and Baekhyun can’t help but reach out towards his friend, placing his hand on top of his as a means of comfort.

 

“Hey arranged marriage or not, it’s not wrong to have a crush on Sehun. No one is going to hold it against you Han.”

 

The corner of the doe eyed male’s lips turn upward at that, the warmth of Baekhyun’s hand on his a source of strength as well. “I know Baek, and I’m thankful to be hearing those words from you. It’s just that I’d really prefer if this was kept between the both of us, I’m not planning on confessing anytime soon anyway. Besides this is probably just a happy crush.”

 

“You have my word then, my lips are sealed.”

 

“Thank you Baek,” Luhan feels Baekhyun’s hold get tighter as an acknowledgement and he lets out a relieved sigh. Baekhyun let goes of his hand then, fixing his notes and writing materials on the table before signaling Luhan to place it inside his bag.

 

Luhan looks at him in question and Baekhyun merely laughs, “Go home Luhan, Sehun is waiting for you.”

\------------------------

“Uh hello? Is anyone home? Sehun, Junmyeon?” Luhan lets his question echo within their penthouse as he steps inside, waiting for the sensors to recognize his presence so the lights would turn on. He walks towards their living room only to come up empty handed when he sees no one there.

 

So he proceeds towards their bedroom, wondering if Sehun had fallen asleep while waiting for him and getting the shock of his life instead when he opens the door to see Sehun standing on both of his feet.

 

“Uh, welcome home?” Sehun tries for a greeting and getting nervous instead when Luhan remains stoic in front of him. “Lu are you okay?” He asks, arms beginning to shake a bit from the effort he has to put in while clutching tightly on his newly bought walker, the sturdy material of the black rehabilitation equipment serving as a support to keep his stability and balance whenever he practices walking.

 

“You can stand.” murmurs Luhan in amazement before dropping his bag on the floor and walking closer towards Sehun, his pace increasing with every step before his finally beside the latter with a huge smile on his face. “This is amazing, you, you can stand up.” the doe eyed male says, emotions heavy in his voice as he remains transfixed with Sehun’s ability to stand on his two feet.

 

“It’s getting a bit tiring, wait.” Gently releasing his hold on the walker, Sehun moves carefully to seat back on the bed while Luhan watches him, a look of gentleness adorning the smaller male’s features. Once his properly seated on the mattress Sehun feels the air get knocked out of him when Luhan tackles him with a hug, the sound of the other’s cry slowly becoming audible to his ears.

 

Sehun pats Luhan’s back gently, worry washing over him. “Hey, hey did I do anything wrong? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?”

 

“You can stand,” Luhan sniffs, “your legs they’re working.”

 

Sehun chuckles, “not yet, just a little you crybaby.”

 

“But still, you’re doing so well.”

 

“Don’t say something like that you’re going to make me cry.” Sehun chokes up a bit suddenly overwhelmed with Luhan’s affirmation of his efforts and hard work and the latter’s genuine happiness for him.

 

They remained like that on the bed with Luhan sniffling once in a while on top of Sehun whose right hand continues to circle the doe eyed male’s back in a comforting gesture. This is the closest they have been in weeks and probably the coziest too, the physical warmth of being so near to each other aiding in the comfort they are both feeling as minutes ticked by in shared silence.

 

Luhan had thought they were at their endpoint when everything they’ve done together only proved to be disastrous. It was tiring to lose someone who you’ve known your entire life again and again, to become strangers with a person you used to know so well like the back of your hand. He had imagine the worst scenarios possible and believed their friendship was past saving but it seems as if fate was kind enough to bless them with a second chance.

 

But second chances weren’t always for free. Sometimes second chances came with a cost and Luhan realized that the price he and Sehun had to pay for that second chance was the painstaking process of getting to know each other once again. Even when barely a year had pass, it did not mean that huge changes could not happen. Luhan was still Luhan, albeit a little tougher, a little more scarred maybe with more wisdom than before but Sehun was an entirely different person marred in every way by the accident and the events that occurred.

 

When Luhan came to understand that the Sehun he once knew was not the exact same Sehun he grew up with before he became afraid of taking that second chance, unable to determine the proper way to approach the person he once called his bestfriend. It was stressful to say the least but the doe eyed male still took his chance and reached out, bridging every gap and doing his best to break Sehun’s walls bit by bit with his sincerity and earnest heart.

 

It was a hard thing to do – to meet Sehun halfway and get to know him once again until he was comfortable enough to reciprocate and learn about Luhan as well. The thing about trying to relearn everything about someone you already know is that it isn’t the same with meeting a stranger for the first time where you try to go through things slowly hoping you’d find a common ground and move on from there. Getting to know someone who has become a stranger to you is like teaching yourself to eat with a spoon using your left hand when you’ve always used your right hand or reciting the alphabet backwards.

 

Luhan kept approaching Sehun with the mindset that since he was already familiar with him it would be easy to get close and win him over again. But just like the process of learning how to eat with your weaker hand, no matter how familiar you are with the motions or how hard you try to mimic the way you did it before there would still be something different.

 

Maybe it’s the way you hold your utensils or the way you flick or twist your wrist when you grab the spoon, there are many reasons why you might not get it correct despite having done it your entire life. But one thing’s for sure that small difference from having to use your right to left hand or vice versa brings about all the changes that could possibly happen, a ripple of effect that affects everything in its course.

 

And so it seems as if even though Luhan thought it was for the best to treat Sehun like before his good intentions only backfired in his face. Yet when he insisted to come back, working his courage up to see Sehun once again and try if there was another approach he could take to get to know the other that’s when he really took the risk. The moment Luhan began a clean slate and saw Sehun for who he was at the current moment that is when it really hit him that talking and being with the former is not going to be the same like before and it wouldn’t be for a long time or maybe forever.

 

“Are you about to fall asleep?” Sehun asks when he notices that Luhan’s breathing is starting to even out against his chest, the doe eyed male still on top of him since they haven’t move a bit after the latter tackled him with an embrace. “You’re being awfully quiet Han.”

 

Luhan laughs a bit at that, “I zoned out a little sorry.”

 

“It’s alright. I was just worried about tucking you in since you know I’m a bit incapable.”

 

“Oh,” the doe eyed male cackles loudly at his realization quickly getting off of Sehun, “I forgot about it. Was I too heavy?”

 

Sehun snickers, “Yeah I’ve noticed you’ve been gaining weight recently, I can barely feel my lower body.” He teases Luhan as he sits up before proceeding to poke Luhan’s stomach a bit.

 

“Ah stop that!”

 

“Is that a food baby I feel?” Sehun laughs loudly as he pinches Luhan’s belly.

 

Luhan covers his face in embarrassment, “well I ate a lot with Baek earlier, the food was good you can’t blame me!”

 

“No it’s fine.” The pale skinned male ruffles his husband’s hair. “I was just messing with you Lu.”

 

“At least I’m eating more than you. Look at you! You’re as thin as a stick!”

 

“I know,” Sehun laughs, “won’t you feed me some food please?” he says cutely just to appease the other whose face had gone sour.

 

“Since you asked so nicely, I brought home some food for you.” Luhan says already standing up and helping Sehun as well. “Come on let’s eat while it’s still hot.”

 

“Let’s go” the latter singsongs like a kid, allowing Luhan to assist him as he holds onto his walker and begins to move on wobbly knees.

________________

 

When Sehun walks into the kitchen the following morning, he is welcomed with the sight of Luhan still in his pajamas while cooking breakfast. The smell of toasted bread and bacon wafts deliciously into the air and Sehun couldn’t help but do his best to increase his pace a little so he could reach the kitchen counter.

 

“Oh you’re up!” Luhan grins at him eyes going dazed for a moment as he watches Sehun move with the walker. “Let me help you sit.” He offers, leaving the bacon to cook for a bit as he assists Sehun to find a comfortable position on the kitchen stool.

 

“Good morning Han, don’t you have classes today?”

 

“This morning’s a free cut,” Luhan says placing a plate of toast with bacons and egg in front of the other. “Our professor couldn’t meet us because he’s attending a seminar so my only class today is still around 2 pm.”

 

Sehun nods biting into the toast with a smile, “that’s good. At least you’ll have time to rest. Also this breakfast tastes good thank you.”

 

“Don’t mention it.” the doe eyed male responds softly, mimicking Sehun’s smile before plating his own food. They seat in front of each other, letting the warm breeze of the morning caress their skin and breathe life into their lungs as they enjoy their breakfast.

 

Eating slowly Luhan tries to discreetly watch as Sehun eats the food he made, fleeting glances seemingly a reflection of the feelings that is beginning to bloom like little flowers within his chest. Doing his best not to be caught, he carefully stares at the other appreciating the way the sun’s light filters through the glass windows of the penthouse therefore basking the place and Sehun’s features in an ethereal glow. Luhan thinks he would not mind spending his mornings like this if it meant having more time with Sehun and bringing a smile to the other’s face.

 

“Lu,” Sehun begins to speak as he thoughtfully chews on his bacon, “What do you think about me coming back to uni?”

 

Flustered by Sehun’s sudden attention on him Luhan immediately shifts his stare from the latter to his food. Only meeting his husband’s gaze when he is certain he has not been caught, “That would be really great Hun. But it’s up to you. Do you want to go back? Would you be ready?”

 

“I’ve been thinking about it actually. And I think another six weeks of rehab I’d be ready to go.”

 

“Then I’ll be right here to support you whatever your decision is.”

 

“I might have to restart my second year though. After all I’ve been gone for more than a semester.” Sehun says with a sheepish smile, his right hand coming up to rub his nape a bit in embarrassment.

 

Luhan sends him an assuring smile, “You’ll do just fine, trust me. Besides you’ve always been the more intelligent one between the both of us you’ll cope up fast enough.”

 

Sehun’s eyebrows furrow a bit in uncertainty, “I hope so.”

 

“You’ll do so.” The doe eyed male reaches out unable to control the urge to straighten out the creases in between Sehun’s brows with his fingers. Fortunately, the other merely laughs at his action before grabbing Luhan’s hand and entwining it with his.

 

Sehun’s smile is dazzling and Luhan can’t help but fall deeper, “Thank you. Thank you for always comforting me.”

 

“What’s the use of having me as your best friend if I can’t comfort you?”

 

“I promise you once I get better I’ll talk to our parents so you’ll get the freedom you deserve.” The pale skinned male’s gaze is glazed with so much gentleness Luhan can’t help but to simply agree with his words.

 

“Whoever’s going to marry you in the future and will hold your heart rightfully is going to be so lucky Lu. You deserve to be happy.”

 

Luhan feels his stomach knot in discomfort from the implications of Sehun’s statement. But he still does his best to smile afraid that if he allows the curl of his lips to waver Sehun would notice the affection that has gone past beyond that of a friend. “Your other half would be just as lucky.” The doe eyed male responds, rubbing his thumb in circles against the back of Sehun’s hand.

 

Winter was just around the corner and any time now the threat of cold days was going to feel much more real so Luhan keeps the coziness of that morning and the other’s genuine smile tuck close to his heart, the memory serving as a reminder to remain warm for the coming days.

_____

“Wait Lu, you forgot something!” Sehun exclaims just as Luhan was about to leave their bedroom. He looks back at the other, quirking an eyebrow when he sees Sehun gesturing for him to come close.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Come closer,” Sehun instructs him and Luhan crouches lower to reach the latter’s level since he was sitting against the headboard. “You forgot your scarf.” the pale skinned male tells him before he begins gently wrapping the huge blue cloth around Luhan’s neck with a fond smile.

 

A dust of pink settles on Luhan’s cheeks uncontrollably both from their close proximity and Sehun’s sudden gesture. Unable to stop himself Luhan ends up staring at his husband, his eyes tracing the smoothness of every curve and edges of Sehun’s face and appreciating the moles dotting the latter’s skin like constellations on a clear expanse of sky.

 

Sehun’s smile is blinding as always, “there you go you forgetful kid.”

 

“T-thhank you.” Luhan helplessly stutters once Sehun’s done, quickly pulling away in fear of being found out by the other.

 

“Just because it looks sunny out there doesn’t mean it isn’t freezing so don’t leave your scarf, your body doesn’t have a built in heater.”

 

“Yeah thanks for the concern,” the doe eyed male huffs at the other’s attempt at joke but Sehun dismisses the response with a laugh of his own. “But really thank you. I’ll probably freeze myself to death if you didn’t put that scarf on me.”

 

“I could take it off you as well if you want.” Sehun suggestively wiggles his eyebrows and Luhan almost feels a heart attack coming at the other’s indecency. Thankfully he has enough control and is able to quickly mold his reaction to that of disgust.

 

Luhan throws a pillow towards Sehun’s face, “You’re ridiculous. I’m leaving, I still have a class to catch.”

 

“Go ahead then.” still laughing, Sehun’s eyes turn crescent-like when he speaks. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

 

“See you. Enjoy your day Sehun.” Luhan grins as he turns his back to his husband. Allowing himself to release a huge breath once his out of their room before finally acknowledging the quick beating of his heart and the giddiness that had recently been continuously present whenever his around Sehun. He puts a hand to his mouth releasing all his emotions in a silent scream before finally going on his merry way.

______________

The succession of explosions going off from the wide screen television kept Sehun glued to the movie they were watching in their living room. It was a Friday night and as per tradition, he and Luhan were having another movie marathon and this time they pledged to finish the Avengers series that the doe eyed male kept gushing about. Seated comfortably on the huge black couch in their living room, both males had settled with their own bowls of popcorn courtesy of Luhan and a can of soda before they began playing the movies in order from the oldest to latest.

 

At the beginning, Luhan who was squirming from excitement could not keep his mouth shut and started discussing theories and anecdotes involved with the films. It was endearing to say the least how enthusiastic Luhan was regarding the whole series and so Sehun let him talk his ears off until one movie became two and now three. However as they gradually moved farther into the marathon, the doe eyed male slowly grew less talkative as well and when Luhan has yet to comment on the ongoing battle on the screen Sehun turns to look at him, a grin blossoming on his face.

 

Luhan with his eyes closed and mouth open a bit wide was well on his way to dreamland. “What a scam.” Sehun murmurs jokingly as he removes the bowl of popcorn from the latter’s lap to place it on the coffee table in front of them and avoid it from falling. “You’re the one who wanted to watch this but you’re sleeping first.”

 

Receiving no response from the other Sehun merely shakes his head in laughter before grabbing the extra set of blanket on his right side. Moving gently, he places his hand behind Luhan’s neck to reposition the other’s body and avoid him from suffering back and neck pains from the uncomfortable position he had fallen asleep in.

 

After finding a comfortable position for his leg, Sehun carefully shifts the doe eyed male’s upper body making sure not to wake Luhan up as he covers him with the extra blanket and tucks him against the pillow on his lap.

 

The television remains switched on but the movie’s noise had now faded into a dull background noise that Sehun barely registers considering his attention is now focused solely onto Luhan. Looking like an innocent child in an all too huge black hoodie, the doe eyed male’s blissful state in slumber brings a fond smile on the taller male’s face as it brings back memories of their childhood in which they’d hold endless sleepovers where they played and watched movies until they were tired out of their wits.

 

It was heartwarming – to be able to remember those memories in a good light and realize the fact that the strength of their friendship had brought them so far despite all the heartaches and suffering they’ve encountered. The thought that Luhan never really gave up on him regardless of the things he did to him made Sehun look at the other with a much deeper sense of appreciation. Unconsciously, he starts running his right fingers through the other’s soft brown locks, a smile slowly forming on Luhan’s face just at the same time.

 

“You must be having a nice dream huh.” is Sehun’s comment before he removes his hand from Luhan’s hair just to leave a peck on the other’s forehead. “Let’s keep having nice dreams from now on.”

 

Then he leans away slowly to lay his head at the backrest of the couch, sleep claiming him in slow, gentles waves.

  
When Luhan gets up in the morning it is to the soft sounds of Sehun’s breathing, the latter’s head uncomfortably resting on the top part of the couch. Unable to register the situation immediately Luhan lets a few seconds pass yawning and rubbing the remnants of sleep from his eyes before he feels himself freeze once the situation finally dawns in his sleep-shrouded head.

 

“What the hell,” he whispers to himself in panic before quickly getting up from his position on Sehun’s lap. The whiplash from his action brings a wave of dizziness onto Luhan and so he settles himself for awhile before finally turning back to look at his husband who was thankfully still unconscious.

 

With the curtains still shrouding the room in darkness and the television serving as the main source of light it felt like not much time has passed since Luhan fell asleep. However as he pulled out his phone that was nestled within his hoodie’s pocket, the numbers flashing on the screen told Luhan otherwise.

 

Trying to be as quiet as possible, Luhan untangles the blanket from his body so he could move Sehun into a more comfortable position but it seems as if luck was not on his side and with his husband being a light sleeper as always Sehun woke up in only a few minutes time. “Where are you going?” the pale skinned male croaks out, eyes still closed as he reaches out blindly for Luhan’s wrist.

 

“Uh make breakfast?” Luhan nervously replies trying to distance himself further from Sehun in case he got a heart attack. Ever since he admitted to himself about liking Sehun more than a friend he always got these weird palpitations in his chest whenever they were too near to each other and Luhan knew it was probably because he was becoming even more attuned to Sehun than before.

 

Sehun’s groan echoes a bit throughout the living room and Luhan could almost feel himself melting into a puddle for the other when his husband finally grabs his hand, pulling him closer to his body.

 

“Later,” the huskiness and deepness of Sehun’s morning voice was something Luhan could never get used to. “Go later, it’s too cold.” the pale skinned male requests, murmuring those words against Luhan’s forehead while he wraps his arms around Luhan’s body therefore trapping the smaller male into an embrace.

 

Luhan’s initial reaction was to tell Sehun off for doing what he was currently doing but the surprised and shocked brought on by the other male’s action keeps the doe eyed male in place. Being against Sehun like this made the doe eyed male dizzy with want for love and affection that’s for more than just friends.

 

He feels the telltale warmth brush every bit of his core before it turns into small flames licking within the seams of his chest and making it harder and harder for him to breathe – the scent of mint and sandalwood from Sehun, the only thing saving from being breathless.

 

He isn’t sure when it really started but the affection he is harboring for Sehun which is also slowly growing deeper feels even more dangerous with each passing day. Knowing that their marriage was bound to end up in a divorce sooner or later, Luhan knew just how painful things would become for him if he did not stop nurturing the feelings he secretly had for his best friend.

 

“Let’s be in each other’s lives for a long time.” Luhan isn’t sure what had prompt Sehun to say those words perhaps it was his sleep-clouded mind or he must probably still be dreaming. What Luhan was certain of however was that, as he allowed himself to lean deeper into the other’s embrace, he was willing to be there for the other even when it meant he’d had to live an eternity lying to himself and burying his feelings.

  
____________

 

“Han didn’t you use to cut your hair before?” putting his book down, Sehun curiously looks at his husband as the latter steps out of their bathroom wearing a grey hoodie and black sweatpants after a shower.

 

Drying his hair with a towel, Luhan walks toward their bed with a smile, “Yeah. But it’s not like I really cut it all by myself just a bit of a trim once in a while.”

 

“Can you help me with my hair then? The length is becoming a bit too bothersome.”

 

Surprised, Luhan leaves his towel at the bedside table before leaning towards Sehun his right leg perched on the mattress as he runs his fingers through the other’s black hair. “You’re right, your hair’s a bit too long now to be comfortable. You want to cut it now?”

 

“Yes please.”

 

“Come on then, let’s go to the bathroom so we won’t make a mess in here.”

 

Immediately getting to work, Luhan moves to the other side of the bed to help Sehun get up but ends up being surprised instead when he sees that the latter only needed minimum to no help already familiar enough with standing up using his walker.

 

Grinning at the other’s obvious improvement Luhan walks side by side with him instead as they engage each other in a short talk before they reached the bathroom where the smaller of the two helps Sehun to sit up on the countertop in front of the bathroom mirror.

 

“I’ll just snip a few bits so this won’t take too long,” explained Luhan after grabbing a scissor from the cupboard below the sink and clipping a long towel around Sehun’s broad shoulder so hair wouldn’t get into his clothes.

 

As Luhan begins to cut Sehun’s hair the latter watches in barely concealed fascination, eyes religiously following every movement the doe eyed male makes in practiced concentration. Remaining still in his position, Sehun’s first thought was that Luhan looked good when he’s focused, the second was what the actual fuck, did he really just think that.

 

“Sehun quit moving your head will you.” chides Luhan causing the tips of Sehun’s ears to get flushed both from embarrassment of being lightly scolded and from consequently remembering his earlier thought process.

 

“Sorry,” he croaks out a bit and the other merely responds with a tsk.

 

“You better keep still if you don’t want to get poked by the scissors.”

 

Sehun almost nods his head in understanding but remembers he shouldn’t so he opts for murmuring a soft yes instead. He then goes back to staring at Luhan like he did earlier, a gust of warmth filling the crevices of his being despite the coldness of winter that has begun to seep outside their home.

 _Home_. He smiles a bit at that thought, the earlier panic he felt subsiding bit by bit as he traced the softness of Luhan’s features with his adoring gaze. Among the many people in his life, Luhan was that one person he realized he would always be thankful and glad to have as a constant. No matter what their situation was, it was the other male that had kept him sane and pushed him towards getting better despite the fact that he kept running away.

 

In every sense, Luhan was the one person he always ended up finding comfort in even when at time that comfort did not come without a price. He stares at the other, appreciation blooming like flowers in his chest and giving him a breath of fresh air – he thinks he had found his home again.

 

“There we go, nice and short.” Luhan says pulling Sehun out from the thoughts he was mulling over. Assisting him from moving down the counter Luhan lends his shoulder for Sehun to support himself with before the other is stable on his two feet and is finally looking at his reflection in the mirror. “Oh wait, let me remove this first,” laughing the doe eyed male turns him to the side and unclips the towel from Sehun’s shoulder before brushing the latter’s hair in place with his fingers.

 

“Now you can look!”

 

Instead of processing Luhan’s words immediately Sehun remains on his side staring at the latter. Blinking at him, Luhan’s eyes remained curious for awhile before the heaviness of Sehun’s gaze began to settle in his head and his cheeks started taking a rosy hint that the taller male secretly thought as a really, really beautiful addition to Luhan’s features.

 

Luhan breaks the silence first, “Is there anything on my face?”

 

“Nothing,” a soft breathless chuckle comes out of Sehun causing the doe eyed male to just eye him skeptically.

 

“Then what is it?”

 

“I’m just feeling grateful. And maybe a bit overwhelmed too.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Sehun dismisses Luhan’s questioning look with a smile of assurance, “It’s nothing, forget it.”

 

Curious but not wanting to push it further in case Sehun got defensive Luhan chose to overlook the other words and moved him instead to face the mirror. “Like what you see?” he asks.

 

And as the image of him and Luhan standing by each other’s sides was reflected by the mirror Sehun let out a satisfied smile. “Definitely.”

  
______________

 

“What’s got you so goofy lately?” Joonmyeon observes as he lets Sehun slung an arm over his shoulders while he helps the latter stand properly on the training equipment. He waits for the taller male to find his balance and stability before he let goes of him.

 

Joonmyeon continues helping the other, looking after him until Sehun is properly gripping the handles of the machine which is designed to be near both sides of his waist so that it could serve as a support for when he begins moving. Once Sehun is positioned propely, Joonmyeon turns on the equipment so that the latter could begin treading on the platform and moving his legs in slow, careful motions.

 

Sehun lets the silence simmer between them for a few seconds as he tries to find a perfect pace and when he’s comfortable enough he turns to Junmyeon with a questioning look. “What do you mean goofy? I’ve always been like this though?”

 

“Nope,” Joonmyeon responds popping the last syllable audibly as he raised his gaze from the clipboard in his hand to his patient, “You’re this ball of happiness lately when usually you’re all grumpy and mad before.”

 

“Ball of happiness? I’m probably just more relaxed these days. Therapy is going well and you said in two or three months I might fully recover.”

 

“Well there’s that. But seriously you have a much lighter aura now, care to share how that happened?”

 

Sehun grins at his nurse in amusement, “Nothing happened Myeon. As I’ve said I’m probably just more at ease these days.”

 

“If you insist.” Joonmyeon shrugs carelessly before a soft smile graces his features, his now blonde hair falling in streaks against his forehead. “How’s married life then? I mean no offense, it’s probably hard getting arranged and all that jazz right?”

 

“It is.” the pale skinned male stops moving for a moment to take a breather then he starts walking again as he speaks. “I hated the thought of marriage for a long time since I found out my parents arranged me with Luhan. This arranged marriage’s the reason I got into this accident in the first place and I’m now like this.” Sehun nibbles on his bottom lip in contemplation, the whirring of the equipment the only audible sound in the room before he speaks again. “But I don’t think I’m entirely blameless as well, if anything it’s Luhan that’s a victim all of this – he’s always been the kinder one between the both of us.”

 

“Is it hard living with him?”

 

“It was at first but that’s mostly my pride talking. I didn’t want to burden him with my condition especially because I mostly did this to myself.” Sehun explains finally stopping his movements. “I’ve been so selfish I didn’t even consider what he would feel and it all just ended up exploding in my face. I wish that from that start I’ve already dealt with everything properly but now I’m learning and I have Luhan to help me so I think I’m going to be fine.”

 

“Wow.” Joonmyeon grins as he looks at Sehun like a proud mom, “Who are you and what have you done to Sehun?”

 

Sehun laughs heartily at that, “I’m still me, just getting better.”

  
Like a routine Sehun goes home from rehabilitation that day with Joonmyeon helping him with his things until they have reached the penthouse. After entering the pass code, both males move towards the living room and are surprised to smell the lingering scent of kimchi jiggae in the air. “Looks like Luhan came home early.” Sehun excitedly mutters as he turns toward Joonmyeon who has placed his stuff on the couch.

 

“I’ll be leaving now then. Say hello to Luhan for me, I still have a date to go to.” The nurse beams at Sehun and waves as he exits the huge place. Without further thought, Sehun holds tightly onto his walker before carefully and slowly making his way towards the kitchen where a generous serving of kimchi jiggae, dumplings, and rice are placed on separate bowls on the kitchen counter, the steam from the hotness of the food still wafting through the air which means it’s probably just been cooked.

 

Immediately Sehun calls out for Luhan’s name, eager to eat and praise the other for another well cooked meal. He calls for him, two to four times more but when it becomes apparent that he was not going to receive any response Sehun takes it to himself to walk towards their bedroom his suspicions instantly confirmed when he walks closer to the bed and sees his husband already curled on the huge mattress, soft breathes fanning out of his opened lips as sleep took over him.

 

He should have thought it weird that the food was still warm but Luhan was already asleep. It should have been suspicious yet Sehun simply let it go deciding not to dwell on that thought as he carefully maneuvered his walker before gripping tightly onto it with one hand as he pulled the comforter closer to Luhan’s shoulder so that the other would not feel too cold. When Luhan looked warm enough and comfortable, Sehun quietly walked back to the kitchen to eat the food – thoughts of spending the weekend with Luhan bringing a happy smile to his face.

\------------------

There was once a point in their relationship that Sehun had become accustomed to the sound of silence whenever he was with Luhan. And it was not even the comfortable type of silence but rather the kind that molded the air into nothing but sharp like needles prickling the atmosphere until there was nothing but the stifled feeling of losing your breathe. Usually those moments of silence was used to be brought by Sehun’s anger and indifference to the other but now that he was at the other end of the spectrum, he did not know the proper way to deal with it.

 

It’s been days since he had a conversation with Luhan, the last of it being the morning after he ate the dinner the doe eyed male cooked for him. It was not even a proper conversation per se for the majority of it was consisted with Sehun trying to talk to Luhan while the latter merely nodded his head and smiled in acknowledgement before excusing himself for his classes that day. From that moment on, it became harder and harder for Sehun to reach out to Luhan even when they were in the same room the doe eyed male would either be sleeping or busy going through his readings that it felt like silence was only Sehun’s remaining company.

 

However remembering Luhan’s determination and will, Sehun did his best to talk to the other and find out what was it that was causing him to ignore Sehun or attempt to. It has been difficult though, trying to corner Luhan into talking to him specially when the other was employing every tactic possible to avoid or escape Sehun’s presence to the point he had gone over for a sleepover at Baekhyun’s house.

 

The coldness of winter was just as unforgiving as Luhan’s determination to keep Sehun out of his thoughts and it certainly did not help that after coming home from therapy that day, Sehun was left all along as he laid in bed with a fever that was working hard to mess with his body.

 

“If you receive this, please come home Lu.” He pleads into the receiver of his phone, the heat of his sickness bringing him into tears due to the huge amount of discomfort he was feeling. Going in and out of consciousness, Sehun begins to feel the sweat from his fever sticking onto his clothes and matting his hair unto his forehead like strings of thread that won’t come off.

 

Shifting restlessly on the bed, Sehun groans weakly when he feels pain rooting within the muscles of his body and unable to register anything else tears begin falling from his eyes. It felt as if a thick fog covered his whole head and he did not know how long he stayed like that before Luhan found him, panic immediately overpowering the other as he instantly called for Joonmyeon’s help.

 

It felt like the longest day of his life but Sehun woke up again after only three hours of sleep. His eyes feel absolutely heavy and it takes him at least a few tries before his able to blearily open them, gaze immediately landing on Luhan who had just entered their room with a tray of water, medicine, and newly cooked porridge.

 

“Hey,” Luhan’s voice waivers a bit as he speaks after finally noticing that Sehun is awake. “You really scared me there you know.” The words I thought I’d lose you, goes unspoken by the doe eyed male as he walks faster towards Sehun, gently placing the bedside table. Carefully he hoists Sehun up into a sitting position making sure that the other won’t feel too disoriented as he moves him. He then grabs the glass of water slowly tipping it into his husband’s awaiting mouth.

 

Patting Sehun’s head gently, Luhan asks “How are you feeling now?”

 

“Like shit.” Sehun honestly answers but it simply pulls out a smile out of Luhan.

 

“That’s expected. Joonmyeon said you probably caught a flu and since you were tired from rehab you’re body was more vulnerable when it spread.”

 

“How long?” Sehun coughs, still feeling sore all over.

 

“Four days at most. Joon came with your doctor and he’d already brought medicines for you after I described your condition earlier.”

 

“This sucks.”

 

“Yeah it does but look at the brighter side. At least all you’ll be doing is sleeping and resting.” Luhan states with a comforting smile that Sehun can’t help but feel a little angry that it still took him getting all delirious with a fever just for the other to talk to him normally again.

 

Despite his weakened state Sehun could not ignore the nagging feeling in his chest so he decides to talk it out with Luhan once and for all. “Lu, are you okay?” he starts a bit apprehensive even when he feels wronged.

 

“You’ve been avoiding me, why?” there are coughs littering in between his syllables but that does not stop him from pushing through.

 

Looking as if he has not expected Sehun to notice, Luhan goes stiif in his place the smile on his face slowly disappearing. “Was I?”

 

“Don’t act like you didn’t. Did I do something wrong?” for the first time in a long time asks Luhan with a guilty conscience, pale lips trembling in fear of the other’s response.

 

Luhan looks awfully sad, “what do you think of divorce?”

 

“What?” Sehun croaks out feeling weak and vulnerable all of a sudden.

 

“You’re getting better, and you’re going back to uni soon. We could do it in secret somewhere our parents won’t be able to do anything anyway once we’ve processed it.”

 

Hearing Luhan’s explanation was different from actually listening to it. Sehun had started to grow so comfortable in Luhan’s presence that he had somehow forgotten how he promised the other he was going to let him go when time comes. And thinking back to that now, he had always thought he’d be happy to hear about their separation, to hear about the possibility that they were finally going to achieve the freedom they had once strongly yearned for.

 

But how come now that Luhan had offered it, served it on a silver platter like a once in a lifetime opportunity the only impression it left on Sehun was a bitter taste on his tongue – and it wasn’t even his illness speaking, it was just him, and his strong affection for Luhan which he has been nurturing for quite some time now.

 

Sehun closes his eyes, the world suddenly spinning in circles as he voices out his thoughts, “Are you getting tired of me?”

 

Taken aback at his response Luhan shakes his head in defense, “No of course not. I’ll never get tired of you Sehun.”

 

“Then why?” Sehun grimaces, “divorce huh.”

 

“Because you deserve to be happy.” Luhan says firmly looking at Sehun even when the other isn’t staring at him.

 

“I need a better explanation than that.”

 

Luhan laughs sadly, “Because you’ll never be happy with me.” At those words Sehun opens his eyes to stare at the other, surprise at the ridiculousness of his statement. He thinks back to the past weeks, to anything or any action he could have done to prove to the other he would never be happy with him but all that comes to minds are early mornings spent laughing at each other and deep nights cocooned into the warmth of one another.

 

“I was there. A few days ago when you were talking to Myeon.” The doe eyed male explains when Sehun can’t still seem to wrap his mind around the situation. “Classes ended early and I wanted to surprise you but you were talking so seriously. And I’m sorry for eavesdropping but when I entered the room you were talking about me and our arranged marriage and how it has brought you this misfortune.”

 

“And it’s alright. I get it, I really do Sehun. So now I’m making it possible for us to be free, this is your promise to me I’m just making it happen earlier.”

 

Stunned by the other’s confession Sehun stares at Luhan for longer than usual. He sees the faint lines of stressed and worry marring the other’s face and making him look lonelier than he’d ever been. There are also dark circles under Luhan’s eyes alluding to the nights that he probably spent over thinking and deciphering every bit of what he heard from Sehun’s conversation with Joonmyeon. The sick male feels his heart break even more at that thought and the fact that even when he did not mean to he had brought pain to the person he had already begun to see as more than a friend.

 

“Do you mind getting sick?” making up his mind Sehun stares at Luhan with an uncertain smile.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Come closer, I have a favor to ask for the last time.” Sehun puts all his remaining energy into speaking, the fever slowly tugging at his consciousness bit by bit. And seeing the effort the latter had put into speaking Luhan finally concedes and leans closer only for the other grip the edges of both of his cheeks gently before pulling him into a bruising kiss which although lasted for a few seconds somehow tasted  a prelude to forever.

 

Pulling away, Sehun rests his head against Luhan as the other looks at him in a daze. “That wasn’t everything. You didn’t hear everything Han.”

 

“What do you mean?” Luhan asks, confused and breathless.

 

“It’s long.” Sehun laughs a bit, “and I’m too sick for explanations right now. But I guarantee you I talked Myeon’s ears off about how great it is to have you as a husband.”

 

“You’re messing with me.”

 

“No messing.” Sehun earnestly responds leaving another kiss against Luhan’s lips while staring deeply into the other's warm brown eyes -wanting to prove that his only intention was to love the other fforthe years to come, "I really think I like you a lot so no divorce please.”

 

“You’re delirious.” Luhan can’t believe all of this is happening. He must be dreaming, this must be a dream he thinks. Ever since he realized his feelings for Sehun the only ever wish he had was that he would be able to grow with him even if it meant they would just be friends for the rest of the time. But this, this was far from his wildest dreams and even as he saw how clear the affection was in Sehun’s eyes he still can’t bring himself to believe.

 

A kiss on his nose. “Stop over-thinking, I’m here to stay.”

 

“I’m so scared.”

 

“Does that mean you like me too?”

 

“For a long time, yes.” Luhan’s voice is barely a whisper almost as if he couldn’t bear to let go of his secret, expression screaming of vulnerability and fear.

 

“Then you have me Han," the other breathes in relief while caressing Luhan's c cheeks gently with the pads of his thumb. "We’ll figure this out hm?” Sehun kisses his forehead then, a sweet, sweet promise smelling fragrantly like a lifetime of love.

 

“I’m feeling really sleepy now. Can you cuddle with me?” with a soft smile Sehun pulls Luhan into the bed with him, his arms immediately wrapping around the other’s waist as he seeks for the warmth he had missed so much these past few days. He thinks he knows exactly just what Luhan feels, to be afraid and uncertain of where all of this was going to lead them but as he feels the other’s heart steadily beating against his, he thinks they’ll be alright.

 

Luhan tilts his head a bit to look at him from his position against Sehun’s chest before the smile that the latter had grown to love blooms on his face, “So no divorce huh?” He asks still sounding afraid, so uncertain like a child whose favorite sweet was about to be stolen away anytime.

 

“No divorce.” Sehun assures him leaving a kiss on his lips for the last time as the sick male slowly drifts to sleep. “You’re really stuck with me now for life.”

 

Luhan places his head back on Sehun’s chest. “For life.” He smiles relief washing over him after a long, long time.

 

“For life sounds good enough to me.”

\-------------------------

**4 MONTHS LATER**

Luhan laughs loudly as Sehun begins peppering his neck with kisses, the other male unforgiving with his attacks and making sure every unblemished part of Luhan’s skin would be left with marks of his love once they are finished. “Sehun,” Luhan giggles loudly as the taller male latches his lips onto the junction where the doe eyed male’s shoulder meets his necks. “Stop please I’m ticklish over there.” He says letting out another shriek when Sehun continues to kiss that same part.

 

“Well you better get used to this, I think this is probably my favorite part of you and so is your thighs and ass. I’ve been waiting since forever Han.”

 

Lifting his head up from the pillow Luhan looks at Sehun with amusement, “it’s only a week since you’ve fully recovered and your main goal is to immediately fuck me huh.”

 

“Such crude words.” Sehun tsked as he sucks another mark against the fair, fair skin of Luhan’s neck. Wanting to hear his lover moan he carefully makes his way from Luhan’s collarbones, licking the smooth expanse of skin and leaving pecks here and there before he reaches the other’s jaw kissing it messily until he’s gone farther up and was taking Luhan’s earlobe against his mouth simulating the other by swirling his tongue against it and biting it once in a while.

 

“And correction we’re not here to fuck. I’m making love to you Han.” He whispers against the smaller male’s ears with so much affection and a strong desire for the other, smiling in triumph when a beautiful moan comes out of Luhan’s mouth.

 

No longer wanting to drawn out things, Sehun gently removes the last pieces of clothing left on their body – specifically Luhan’s boxers and Sehun’s shirt and briefs. Not paying mind to it, he simply throws away the articles of clothing knowing it’d be easy to find the next morning since it’s just around their bedroom. Once he’s taken off everything, Sehun goes back to worshipping Luhan’s body, this time going down, down and painting every bit of Luhan’s skin like a canvass that was his to love and take and cherished.

 

Luhan’s giggles had now began to turn into cries of pleasure and it grows louder as Sehun takes one of his nipples into his mouth confidently flicking and swirling his tongues around it while he expertly played with the other. Below, the taller male could feel the increasing pace of Luhan’s hips as he desperately looks for friction grinding his cock in an uncoordinated rhythm against smooth yet defined planes of Sehun’s stomach.

 

“ _Hun please, please_.” Luhan helplessly whimpers as Sehun continues shower his chest with attention. Feeling the desperation clawing out in waves from his husband Sehun continues to travel down before he starts kissing the creamy expanse of Luhan’s thighs both sides supple and thick with the right amount of muscles and fat for Sehun to bite into and leave his marks. He takes his time with it, worshipping every milky inch by pressing soft kisses onto it before biting and licking as he came closer to Luhan’s inner thighs.

 

Sehun's large hands grapples the doe eyed male’s ass as he continues his ministrations with Luhan’s thighs before he begins gently raising it so that Luhan’s feet was now pressed against the mattress and Sehun could feast his sight on Luhan’s quivering hole that was waiting to be filled. Above him his husband looked like the perfect picture of sin, head thrown back in ecstasy and immense arousal while his cock was curved towards his stomach and was covered in a shade of angry red.

 

“You look so beautiful like this Han.” Sehun says before he places a last kiss against the other’s thighs, the warmth of his lips lingering on Luhan’s skin and serving as a warning intense wave of pleasure Sehun was about to bring to him.

 

Without any more preamble, Sehun moves towards Luhan’s hard cock licking leisurely at the tip before proceeding to lick a stripe from the top to bottom where Luhan’s balls laid heavy with arousal.

 

Sehun sucks onto that, licking and slurping lewdly at Luhan’s balls before he proceeds to mouth at the latter’s hole. Immediately Luhan lets out his loudest moan yet, a sound torn between that of a cry and a satisfied scream. “Yes, love let me hear you.” Sehun runs his hands against Luhan’s thighs in comfort and watches as the other slowly come undone in his hold.

 

Luhan is heavily breathing now, sweat running down like streams of crystal water against his milky skin as he stares at Sehun who gazes at him seductively while he blows air into his waiting hole. “Do you want it raw or with lube?”

 

“You know so much for a beginner huh,” Luhan tries to be witty but when Sehun licks a stripe at the crease of his ass he turns into a goey puddle of mess.

 

Sehun smirks at that, “I’ve watched porn and did my research.” His husband explains before kissing Luhan’s toned thighs once again. Losing his head at how good Sehun’s stimulation was the doe eyed male chose to voice out his desire.

 

“Raw,” he croaks out, feeling warmth rush into his belly as Sehun looks up at him with a hooded gaze. “Eat me out please.”

 

“My pleasure.”

 

And so before Luhan knows it he has become a screaming mess of desire and arousal as his husband skillfully licks into him, pressing into every corner of Luhan’s hole and releasing lewd wet noises as he drove his tongue deeper into Luhan’s ass. Shaking like a leaf, the doe eyed male feels the telltale sign of release licking at every crevice of his skin but before he could do so Sehun releases him with a loud slurping noise.

 

“If I knew you tasted this good, I would have done this a long time ago.”

 

“Shut up and just fuck me.”

 

“Woah eager much,” Sehun laughs but as he says those words he begins pushing a finger into Luhan making sure the latter is wet enough not for it to hurt. He carefully twists his finger, finding a rhythm until one becomes two and his scissoring through Luhan’s hole and it could snuggly fit three.

 

Seated in between Luhan’s legs, Sehun sees everything unfold before him, sees the way the flush of red decorates Luhan’s chest like roses as the latter heaves loudly and moans in time with every thrust of his husband’s fingers into him. Sehun sees the look of want clouding Luhan’s gaze as they meet each other’s eyes and the helplessness that shrouds his expression when Sehun takes away his hand just for him to finally substitute it with his cock.

 

“ _In me_.” Impatient, Luhan pulls his husband closer, “ _Now_.” Luhan gasps, eyes set heavily onto Sehun as he watches the pale skin of the male go into a beautiful contrast as Sehun takes his huge cock into his palm fisting it and throwing his head back in pleasure as he rubs the tip in circular motions.

 

“Open your mouth.” Sehun instructs, prodding three of his fingers into Luhan’s mouth and which the other gladly and generously coats with his saliva. Pulling his hand out both males get entangled into a heated kiss once again before Sehun finally slicks his cock with Luhan’s saliva, pulling the other into his lap and then pressing it slowly into the Luhan’s waiting hole, carefully and gently until his husband had finally adjust to his size.

 

Once Sehun has bottomed out, he waits for Luhan’s breathing to even out kissing him earnestly to distract the other from the pain of being entered after a long time. He peppers Luhan’s face with kisses, rubbing his hands up and down the other’s back to comfort him and help him relax. “Move,” Luhan shakily whispers when pleasure starts to build up again from how snug Sehun’s cock has fitted inside him. “Move and make love to me.”

 

Just as he had promised, Sehun begins moving slowly thrusting like a gentle lover and slowly gaining momentum as Luhan’s moans and encouragements increased in volume. It was so, so warm, and both Luhan and Sehun could feel their insides burst at the intimacy of the actions they were currently doing. Helping Sehun, Luhan spread his legs wider before grabbing onto the headboard so he could ride his lover as well and meet his husband’s every thrust. They continue like that hungry for each other as they filled their bedroom with the lewd sound of skin slapping against skin as Sehun moves in and out of Luhan continuously, fast and slow, their breathless moans like music to each other’s ears and pushing them until they reached closer and closer to the their climax.

 

Giving Luhan’s cock attention, Sehun wraps his hand around it moving up and down in time with his thrust constantly making sure he was hitting Luhan's prostate until his husband was screaming in unadulterated bliss and making a mess, drops of his cum landing onto Sehun’s chest. It does not take long for Sehun to follow and with a few more quick and much more desperate thrust into Luhan’s warm hole Sehun’s body is rocked with an intense climax inevitably filling Luhan up to the brim with his cum.

 

“Don’t move,” Luhan says a bit slurred as he finally drops his tired body against Sehun’s chest. He starts to feel the stickiness of his body from their activity but he ignores it first in favor of enjoying how warm and full it feels to have Sehun inside him. “I’ll be so sore in the morning.” He groans.

 

Sehun chuckles running his hand through Luhan’s sweaty hair, “we have to clean ourselves Han.”

 

“Five more minutes.”

 

“Okay five.”

 

Five minutes turned into ten and before Sehun could realize Luhan had already fallen asleep. So carefully, he takes himself out of his husband first before heading to the bathroom to grab a warm wet cloth to wash him with. Fortunately enough it did not take much time to rid Luhan’s body of the dried cum and sweat and after wiping his body as well Sehun snuggled into his husband and let their naked forms tangle into each other –being married to the one you love was a wonderful thing.

 


End file.
